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Have A Nice Day
When Theater Kids Shot the President (Part 2)
I'm 65, we were hungry just barely alive.
Speaker 2:By May the 10th Richmond had fell. It's a time I remember oh so well. The night they drove old Dixie down and the bells were ringing. The night they drove old Dixie down and the bells were ringing. Tonight the drawboat dicks it down and the people were singing. They went la la, la, la, la la la, la, la, la, la, la, la la.
Speaker 3:He gets all these guys together. Confederate battleship.
Speaker 4:Yeah, one of the Iron.
Speaker 3:Saints, he gets caught on the Union ship. Okay, okay.
Speaker 2:I think the Merrimack is the. But he's on yeah.
Speaker 3:He's on one of those ships. And this team is particularly funny because so he just has a CVS assistant, he has this German dude and then Lewis Powell, the the.
Speaker 5:German dude is like what are we doing?
Speaker 3:you want to shoot some presidents? This is crazy. This is crazy. Oh, I would love to shoot some presidents. What are you guys doing? We can shoot the president.
Speaker 2:Go to bergen high, go to go to the club.
Speaker 4:Maybe we could go to munich, I'll show you boys how to dance, dance, dance. Yeah, nipples pierced wearing a. Fucking. Uh, he's wearing a. Yeah, he's wearing a bad shirt.
Speaker 3:So lewis powell, the guy from Florida, he's like 6'2 at the time, which is like the equivalent of being 6'10.
Speaker 4:So he gets this, he stands out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so he's got a power forward from Florida. He's got Al Horford.
Speaker 4:He's got Al.
Speaker 3:Horford. So it's a German guy, the guy from CBS and Al Horford and Charlie Sheen are the gang who's going to kill the president.
Speaker 4:And here's the thing they're not just going to kill the president, they're going to kill the vice president, they're going to kill the president and they are going to kill the secretary of state. Secretary of state.
Speaker 3:Yeah, which, at the time, is Seward, seward. So it's Andrew Johnson who ends up becoming the president, vp Seward is the secretary of state, and so the plan is that I'll do, we'll do what Charlie Sheen does, and then we'll talk about the German and Al Horford and the CVS assistant.
Speaker 4:Yeah, al Horford is the best story.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so Azara is supposed to kill Johnson and Al Hor Horford not being from the area, he needs the CVS assistant to help him around. So that's how they split up. So John Charlie Sheen goes to Ford's theater the night of the play and he gives his horse to this guy, um, edmund Spangler, and it's like hold this. And then Edmund Spangler goes to this guy, peanut Burrows, and he's like hold this yeah, he just hands it off.
Speaker 3:John Wilkes Booth or Charlie Sheen goes in and there's supposed to be one cop on duty guarding Lincoln, right? That guy? I think his last name is Parker, so is Irish. Okay in the bar next door.
Speaker 4:I didn't respond because I'm not gonna let you insult my people with john f kennedy directly I'm sorry, I'm sorry with a picture of jfk and I looked at jfk, I made eye contact you said I can't do this.
Speaker 3:I think an irish joke's coming yeah, yeah, no, he actually is in the bar next.
Speaker 4:Of course he is what do you want us to do? Okay, fucking, everyone has chlamydia at the time that's your time.
Speaker 3:Everyone has. I had to get you face, babe. Yeah, everyone has chlamydia.
Speaker 4:He's an irish cop dude. Of course he's drunk, so uh they're still drunk. Irish cops are still drunk to this day, dude, so funny.
Speaker 3:So I I have an uncle who lives on long island. I interned in new york for a summer. I stayed with him and he was like we're going to my friend's block party. Wife's name, maureen.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 3:Maureen has four McBrothers all cops in the NYPD drunk off their ass the entire time at the block party.
Speaker 4:He's talking about why they need to use lethal force for people who are selling loose cigarettes well, that's, it's so funny like you try to tell them to stop using these loose cigarettes. They won't do it, so you gotta use the illegal chokehold.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly otherwise they can inhale.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you gotta fucking make sure they never inhale again yeah, you can't have smoking those lucys.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so in pieces of shit, the, the, I. Like that was funny because for me that was a seminal moment where I started to understand northern stereotypes because, like in atlanta. There's not, I'm sure there's irish cops, but it's not the same thing as fucking new york, yeah, or like philadelphia or some shit. So that was a moment where I was like, oh, these stereotypes all fucking they're important.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, cops get hammered at the bar right next door.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah at the bar right next door. Apparently this is more like hearsay. Charlie Sheen goes into the bar. He's Charlie Sheen. He's got to get a drink at some point and people estimate they would have been in the bar at the same time.
Speaker 4:And he's just looking at them, just being like I think that guy might be too, drunk. For me they're like sitting there shooting a Jameson together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just like what's going on. Man, he's like I'm guarding the fucking president up there, dude, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:He's like hey, yo, I was planning to shoot the president on Tuesday and the guy's like just sitting there like I'm guarding the president. That's fucking crazy.
Speaker 1:And they're like ah, there's a shot, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'll catch you later. I'll catch you later, man, you gonna be here.
Speaker 3:You gonna be here when I get back. I know you will yeah so uh charlie shoot the president you better get up there oh shit yeah charlie sheen has a single shot derringer and a knife right and, uh, he chose the single shot derringer. This is also not like a time there were revolvers right, he and he was a millionaire.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he could have gotten a colt revolvers at this point, oh yeah, the colt revolvers 100 percent were okay, yeah, because they're fighting the comanche in, probably like the 1850s also that's when the texas rangers are really starting to take over and make popular the colt.
Speaker 3:They also gave during the civil war all the uh like generals would carry the revolver.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So he gets a single-shot Derringer instead of that, because it will look cooler in a museum.
Speaker 2:That's his reason, that's the plan.
Speaker 4:Meanwhile Colt looks way cooler. Yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Come on Classic.
Speaker 3:He had no foresight. That's a guy who is too enraptured by the classics.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah. He can't embrace something that's done well in modernity. He's too interested in doing TikToks about Julius Caesar. Yes, exactly, is he dressed as a tree when he shoots the movie?
Speaker 3:He was actually dressed as a fence, which was that's how he sneaks in, yeah the. So that's how he sneaks in. Yeah, so originally it's supposed to be grant and his wife in the booth with lincoln and mary todd. However, grant says he has to go see his kids in new jersey yeah, he's got too much cum because? Well, it's because his wife fucking hates m Todd Lincoln.
Speaker 2:No shit.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah. So a couple days prior, lincoln is on his horse addressing the troops. Yeah, and this lady her name's like Miss Hoard, I don't know what she plays into this, but she's behind Lincoln on her horse, just kind of riding, because she's a woman of high society Right, and there's traffic and she's like come on, get out of the way.
Speaker 4:I'm giving a speech, come on yeah.
Speaker 3:She's like, I got it. The fucking Vanderpump Rules is on.
Speaker 4:I got to get back home. Have they invented the horn yet? No, they just have a trumpet that they pull out of the horse.
Speaker 3:So the Miss Ord is riding behind Mary Todd flips the fuck out because Mary Todd thinks miss ord wants every soldier to think that she's the first lady and she's married to lincoln. So, mary todd's, like you fucking slut you're trying to, bitches are out, uh, grant what happens when you have a gay husband? Yeah, and you're also a lunatic. So he grant goes, grant's wife goes to try and talk m Todd down Mary Todd bitches her out too. And then another day after that. Grant's wife sat down first, and Mary Todd bitched her out.
Speaker 1:Because she's like.
Speaker 4:I didn't give you permission. She's literally Cleopatra in Caesar.
Speaker 3:She thinks she's the queen of America at this point, which is why, you know, these people probably had to go. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Also, grant's wife is like one of the sweetest characters.
Speaker 3:She's the most ride-or-die bitch of all time.
Speaker 4:She's fucking awesome, dude. There's this great line where Grant writes this letter to her, juliet Grant. I fucking love this story. Juliet has a lazy eye and she writes to Grant. She's like hey, I'm going to get this procedure to get my eye fixed. And Grant writes back to her. I'm about to cry. Grant writes back to her. I'm about to cry. Grant writes back to her. He's like um, those are the eyes that I looked into when I first fell in love. If you got that eye fixed, I will never be able to look into the eyes of the person I fell in love with again like that.
Speaker 4:That's like what I fell in love with chills dude and literally juliet never brings it up ever again which is fucking gotta be a lie.
Speaker 2:I've never met a woman. I've never met a woman in my fucking life.
Speaker 4:Who would never bring something up again? I mean, that can't be true yeah, my girlfriend nowadays.
Speaker 3:She goes I'm gonna get 30 cc's of lip filler. I go, no, I like it. And she goes yeah, I'm gonna go do that yeah, exactly, dude.
Speaker 4:It's the problem.
Speaker 3:They have their own money yeah, also, ashley isn't doing it for me. Yeah, she's doing it for the other bitches, for the other girls, yeah 100%.
Speaker 4:So Juliet rocks Like Juliet and Grant. I mean, I've hated Grant my whole life. I've tried to and the more I look into it that you read his fucking memoir. It's the greatest biography ever written.
Speaker 3:I want to read it. I'd be down to do another episode on on grant he's one of those things I was really excited to do this because I'm like autistic about shit, like this and I never actually look into this.
Speaker 4:Dude grant is awesome, so if you haven't read his autobiography, do that as homework and we'll fucking cover.
Speaker 3:I do know the one the one thing I really love about grant is he was like completely financially destitute yeah and he was going to fucking write some fucking huckster comes up to him on the subway of new york and is like sees him writing he's like I'll buy that from you for ten thousand dollars yeah and grant's like okay, deal because he needs the money, yeah, and then can't be worth that.
Speaker 3:And then samuel clemens mark twain is telling grant he's like dude, fuck. Let me publish like let me distribute it. You're going to fucking need the money and he's like I told him I was going to give him $10,000. And Twain goes and gets Sherman to finally convince him, because that's the only guy he can talk to Actually.
Speaker 4:Grant won't listen to them. They have to talk. The guy who did the deal, sherman, has to go to him Really yes, and be like hey, dude, yeah go to really yes and be like hey dude, yeah, like hey dude, just real quick, you're not doing this, you're not publishing this, and then that guy has to back out of the deal because grant literally won't go back on his word, and I think I think man sherman, because they asked custer about it too, and uh grant hates custer, grant hates custer and sherman, uh, is the only one who can talk to, and I think sherman says something.
Speaker 4:What's that line? He was like I was with him when he was drunk and he was Grant has this line where he's oh, I know I was with him when he was drunk and he was with me when I was a loser and it's something like that, dude, and but Sherman is fucking I. I hate it, dude. I like both of them, they rock they both do rock and Custer's sick too. I'm glad he gets ended up getting fucking beheaded, but he is awesome also grant, also like actually cared about reconstruction.
Speaker 3:The last thing he was, that was cool.
Speaker 2:His pallbearers were uh northern soldiers and southern soldiers, all in uniform, it was in new york and he said wear your confederate uniforms like even more so than lincoln grant is, like that's one of our easiest.
Speaker 4:Hey, we can all agree this is the coolest fucking guy, but yeah grant. Uh, grant has a fucking great line where, like sherman says something to mark twain, where he's like not even I can break grant's word, like it's like there's there once he has said that he's gonna do something. He's like his honor is more important than any amount of money.
Speaker 2:He's like we gotta go to that guy and so they fucking talk him out of it but yeah, dude, grant's the fucking man all right, so what happens?
Speaker 4:so grant's wife also rules, so she fucking hates mary todd I. I could see that they wouldn't get along yeah, charlie sheen goes up to the booth.
Speaker 3:He's like scoped it out earlier in the day. There's one guy working the theater who's like hey, charlie sheen, you're not allowed to be here. And he's like I'm actually a senator. And the guy's like you're right, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4:Yeah, sorry, dude, that's my bad um, this is back when you could lie yeah, it's like that movie the invention of lying like oh yeah, no one can prove you wrong. No at this, not at all yeah, so he's dressed as a fence. He's like I'm actually in the play. I'm uh, but I'm a senator.
Speaker 3:I'm a senator who's in the play?
Speaker 4:I'm a senator who's in the play, I have to stand behind Lincoln as the fence.
Speaker 3:And the play is Our American Cousin, which I believe was a comedy, and Charlie Sheen knows when the biggest pop is going to be, when the biggest laugh is, and that's when he's going to shoot Lincoln. So it disguises the shot, and I really want to read you the line. That is the OK. So first I want to tell you the last thing that Mary Todd, while we're on this topic, said to Lincoln.
Speaker 2:So there's this guy.
Speaker 3:Major Rathbone, who's kind of just like a nobody. Him and his girlfriend at the time or maybe fiance, I think her name's clara harris are in the booth with them and mary todd says what do you think with? Miss harris will think of me lolling up against you like she's cuddling with lincoln and lincoln goes. She won't think anything about it so that's his last word.
Speaker 2:So his last words being like just fucking watch the play, dude I fuck, I just won the civil war.
Speaker 3:Can I watch a fucking play? Yeah and the line. The line is it's this guy saying this to a woman.
Speaker 4:He says so lincoln's last words are bitch, shut up.
Speaker 3:Yes those are lincoln's last words. And uh, it's this guy who's like trying to hit on a woman and the woman's like you're not a man of good society. And the guy says don't know the manners of good society. Eh well, I guess I know enough to turn you inside out, old gal, you sock dollagizing old man trap, which is essentially that's an urban common going like shit. I ain't know much, but I can turn that pussy out and the audience goes Holy shit dude.
Speaker 2:So Gary Owens on stage. Gary Owens on stage.
Speaker 3:Gary.
Speaker 4:Owens on stage. He's brought someone up onto stage basically. He's trying to do one of those. Like you know, it's set you up with like another guy type of thing. He's trying to do like, oh, we're going to kiss each other, you know what I mean, like what's very popular on tiktok now, not saying any names, uh, he's about to be like base, so, base, so and instead he's like bitch, what you mean? I ain't fucking a high class, I can turn your pussy out, guaranteed. Yeah, yeah, everybody starts yeah, clip that.
Speaker 4:10 million views, 1.8 million likes. This is pre def jam comedy. Yeah, so no one's ever heard?
Speaker 3:something like this before yeah, and what is? 10 million views, 1.8 million likes.
Speaker 4:This is pre-Deaf Jam comedy. Yeah, so no one's ever heard something like this before.
Speaker 3:But what?
Speaker 4:is the words he says.
Speaker 3:He says don't know manners of good society. Eh Well, I guess I know enough to turn you inside out, old gal, you sock-dologizing old man trap.
Speaker 4:Sock doll.
Speaker 3:Sock-dologizing. It's one word, or maybe it's two words, but sock-dologizing.
Speaker 4:Sock-dologizing.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Does that mean you're a fucking old sock? I come in yeah, I think that's what he means Old man trap.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I like that Snow bunny.
Speaker 4:He calls her snow bunny.
Speaker 3:You ain't high class bitch.
Speaker 5:Yeah, shit.
Speaker 3:No, I turn it as that and everybody's like and shoots him and the line doesn't hit. So that's the problem.
Speaker 4:It's really yeah, Because Def Jam hasn't been if he had done it in the Apollo Theater it would have worked perfectly, but unfortunately he was in the fourth theater. It gets like a couple chuckles. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:And Charlie Sheen goes in, shoots Lincoln, stabs Colonel Rathbone or Major Rathbone, and then he jumps out onto the stage.
Speaker 4:Does he kill Major Rathbone?
Speaker 3:No, Major Rathbone just gets pretty badly cut.
Speaker 4:Can you imagine being Major Rathbone? Just out of fucking nowhere? They shoot Lincoln in the head. Oh, dude, he's, and you turn around and some guy's just like ah and stabs you in the shoulder and you're just sitting there like what the fuck.
Speaker 3:So he goes. We're going, babe. We got tickets with Lincoln.
Speaker 4:Dude. Mary Todd, this is a huge come up. He never lives this down. No, I mean literally. I'll talk about his epilogue later.
Speaker 3:He goes crazy because of this. He will never forgive himself.
Speaker 4:Because his wife just will not shut the fuck up about it.
Speaker 3:Remember last time you got tickets, last time we got invited to dinner. Every single time he gets invited to box seats.
Speaker 4:She's just like seriously, you remember what happened last time?
Speaker 3:Yes, bitch, you want them to kill Grant too, yeah.
Speaker 4:I think you're just bad luck, God. Women have been the fucking problem for all of history.
Speaker 3:And the play wasn't even funny. That wasn't even a funny joke. I don't get why everyone laughed at that Turn your pussy out. It's like ew, yeah, seriously. It's like anyone can go on stage and say that that's ridiculous.
Speaker 5:Yeah, anyone can do crowd work.
Speaker 1:So, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like why don't we see the?
Speaker 4:Barbie movie instead.
Speaker 3:He jumps on stage, he says Jumps out of the booth and he thinks like this is gonna Charlie Sheen's coked out, thinks this is gonna be epic because he does all like the stunts and stuff. He's a stunt guy and breaks his fibula when he lands because his, his, I think this they say the spur of one of his boots gets caught on the flag. That's there.
Speaker 4:He just goes to jump and he's like, oh shit, oh shit, he goes to fucking tom and he's just like oh shit fucking snaps his like in half and he's like, oh fuck oh, fuck everybody's like oh my god, he's like I shot the president hey hold on yeah people say he delivered this eloquent line. He's actually like six semper.
Speaker 3:According to some reports says Virginia has been avenged or something along those lines.
Speaker 4:He keeps going. He doesn't just say the one line.
Speaker 3:He keeps trying to tag it up.
Speaker 4:He's like Virginia's been avenged, and I'd turn that pussy out too yeah, he doesn't get the pop he wanted yeah so he uh he tried to follow a crowd work yeah, exactly, he's not a crowd work comic he tried to follow a crowd work comic with material exactly, and that never fucking completely bombed it completely bombed.
Speaker 3:So everyone's like what he? He runs out. Apparently there's one guy who chases after him. Yeah, he, the guy peanut burrows, is holding the horse he's a really accomplished. Horseman runs off on the horse and they. There's a young, I think there's one doctor in the crowd.
Speaker 4:It's a civil war surgeon and he sees lincoln some people have you talked to them today, being the guy who I'm sorry to cut you off, but imagine being the guy who tells everyone he chased after John Wilkes Booth.
Speaker 3:You know he made that up he probably chased him for like two seconds.
Speaker 4:The guy has a broken leg. How did he not catch him?
Speaker 3:Yeah, he was just literally like ah, it was probably some 80-year-old dude who climbed halfway up the stage.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he was like I chased fucking too fast for me young boy.
Speaker 3:so um he um there's a medical doctor.
Speaker 4:Yeah, there's a doctor, yeah crowd some people today.
Speaker 3:If you talk to him they're like I heard lincoln actually would have lived if it was today's medicine. It's like no he got shot.
Speaker 2:He got shot in the head what the fuck, are you trying to shoot you in the head?
Speaker 4:yeah let's see. If we get a good doctor, we can make this work out. Yeah, even if we have a derringer, give me that. Let me see if I could shoot you in the head yeah, survive, so they bring him over to the well they, I mean they got conjoined twins living.
Speaker 3:So that's true, but the problem, you know the problem is ben carson wasn't there. Yeah, that's it. Bet carson was the only one.
Speaker 4:I mean, if we can keep 600 pound people alive for years. Maybe we could keep lincoln we could have done that.
Speaker 3:So we did terry shivo lincoln. Yeah, we could.
Speaker 4:I think if I had a time machine, people were like I'd kill hitler, it's like I would terry shivo lincoln and see if the doctors could do it's been shot in the head and he still has more brain power than joe biden. Boom, boom, fucking. Deal with it, joe.
Speaker 3:So suck it li. They carry into this house across the street. Something that I thought was kind of funny is they just all of the secretaries of state? They just shuffle in and out to come see this guy.
Speaker 4:They come look yeah, oh shit, oh fuck dude, they really shot him.
Speaker 3:Yeah, just like we got to get the fucking postmaster general in here, mark Rubio walks in oh fuck, dude, get the fucking postmaster general in here. Mark rubio walks in oh fuck, dude, and then fucking does a fucking bump and is like oh fuck, dude, yeah, it's crazy, like if you were at the ufc event and charlie sheen walked in and fucking shot donald trump in the front row yes and rfk just like
Speaker 1:ah, they did the same thing to my dad. I can't fucking believe that they shot you in the head.
Speaker 3:Everyone's like why are you so fucking weird?
Speaker 2:I caught a grasshopper one time and I fucking tried, I named it, robert.
Speaker 1:This is a yellow-chested swallow. This is a yellow-chested swallow and I'll show you a yellow-chested swallow. Come over after six. My wife, cheryl Hines, doesn't mind if I fuck that yeah she didn't. She didn't want to kill herself like my last wife, my last wife hung herself inside of the family home I wouldn't call her a kennedy.
Speaker 4:She felt that was have you heard about that rfk's wife I knew she hung herself obsessed with being a kennedy so when he told her he was divorcing her, she was like can I still stay on the grounds, like I still want to be a Kennedy.
Speaker 3:That's so sad and he's just like.
Speaker 1:I just feel, like me and Cheryl probably would like that. This is a dragon flying. He can't stay. But you can have this grasshopper I caught. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah so. Rfk he can't stay, but you can have this grasshopper I caught. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um.
Speaker 1:So rfk walks in, sees donald trump's fucking head peeled back and he's just like you know, the doctor who looked at my dad also said they probably could have saved I. Actually I just had a brain worm like this, I think we can.
Speaker 4:I think we can fix it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's still telling we can definitely heal him, but he bothered about it.
Speaker 1:If we get him doing push-ups and uh, labor camp if we had ivermectin I think that we might be able to heal this.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, um so rfk is administering ivermectin while it's fucking bleeding out.
Speaker 3:Yeah so that's, that's where we'll.
Speaker 4:We'll stop with charlie sheen holy shit, we're gonna go to. Are we gonna get into Seward?
Speaker 3:I'll do Arizona, first the German guys, this is really easy. He pussies out and goes and gets drunk the most relatable character in the entire situation. So they're at a hotel. This is the type of thing.
Speaker 4:They're at the Kirkwood Hotel, which is just like a house hotel, it's like an Airbnb, so they're just like, with no secret service at this point, no security. There is a german guy that is one room next door to the vice president at a motel six. They're just in a motel six and there's a german guy just sitting there being like I think I'm going to shoot him now.
Speaker 5:I just really want to blow his brains out. But like what if it doesn't work and we don't get to do to Munich and do all of the dancing?
Speaker 2:I don't know if I want to do this and he just starts boom, boom, boom, boom, and he's like I could go get drunk right now.
Speaker 4:I could go boom, boom, boom right now. Yeah, I could go boom, boom, boom right now. And he goes downstairs and he starts getting hammered at Echo Stage.
Speaker 2:Yes, 100%.
Speaker 4:So that's, story the.
Speaker 5:German guy takes one look at it and he's like I don't think I can do this.
Speaker 2:This is very hardcore.
Speaker 5:I don't know if I can do this.
Speaker 3:There's a pool at the Motel 6. I could just go to the pool. There's a park.
Speaker 5:There's a river. It's beautiful.
Speaker 2:It's beautiful.
Speaker 5:now it's time of year. Why are we even here? Let's go back to Munich.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, german people fucking ridiculous, like for people who almost conquered the world. Thank god they didn't. Yeah, I mean, what insane culture, dude? No, they suck. So that's the thing that really pisses me off about everyone becoming a nazi right now.
Speaker 3:It's like, dude, the nazis are the gayest they're also they're the biggest dorks in the entire world, they're so have you looked up a picture of joseph goebbels yeah, he is such a dork you could.
Speaker 4:How is that guy with a with?
Speaker 3:a, a single punch.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you could rock anybody right now if you're out there and if you're a part of, like our podcast, like home, and you're thinking like, oh, what, what should we do? Are we a part of this? I'm telling you right now fucking don't listen to the podcast if you're the type of person who's watching these, like all of these alt-right nazi memes that are going around on the fucking algorithm right now, because one that's a cia psyop to get people to do something bad to the jews so they can shut you down.
Speaker 4:But two, those are the gayest guys. Like if you're not american, if you think that anybody over in europe is part of your brethren they're all the gayest people in the world. Yes, every no. There's not one irish. I thought I was irish until I went to ireland. There's not one irish person who can make eye contact with you and say how are you doing?
Speaker 5:like they are incapable everything they do. They're just like oh, what are you doing over there?
Speaker 4:they're just shifty little rat-eyed bastards staring at the ground and being like oh, they took our homeland and it's like, yeah, no shit, you're fucking, you're a bitch dude, I would have taken your homeland too each one of each one of their countries is literally just gotten to a point where they're like, oh, we're just at the whims of kind of whatever's happening yeah, we have no self-determination in this, the real, can I?
Speaker 3:get another Zen Zen break.
Speaker 4:I do have one thing about the neo-Nazi memes.
Speaker 3:A kid from my high school has become a legit neo-Nazi. He's posting all these Nietzschean philosophical things on Twitter and he's actually like getting a little bit of a following. It's like it's crazy shit, like just straight up, like actual, just like Hitler rocked, yeah. And here's the thing.
Speaker 4:If you are one of those people who thinks Nietzsche was a Nazi, you haven't read all the way through and gotten to the end, because at the end, like posts thus spoke, zarathustra at the very end, like one of nichi's last books, is like I tricked all of you. The actual uber mench is jesus christ. He's the only person who's ever been an uber mench. He's the only person. He's the ultimate version of what a man should be.
Speaker 4:Catholicism was the right like path the whole way I just wanted to make sure that I could show you how like weak and fragile all of you were and break you. And then, dude, I got all the way through nichi, like in my 20s, and I got to that and I was like fuck dude. He fucking tricked me a bunch of time, dude, yeah so now nichi gets to the end and he's just like by the way, dude, catharsis is the only thing that matters, everything else is fucking stupid.
Speaker 3:So I think, regardless of this guy in my hometown, I think he's going through some mental stuff because this one guy we knew who he was really close to died whatever.
Speaker 4:Uh, he's you want to talk about it?
Speaker 3:no, thank god he's posted he's posting on twitter about being like part of the uber mensch. Yeah, and I talked to some of my friends who knew him. He's a guy who got fired from his remote job. That was like really easy because he just played guitar all day, and now he's like a struggling linoleum salesman and he's like yeah, dude, we're the, we're the that
Speaker 2:is every nazi it's literally.
Speaker 3:Well, dude, it's. It's literally just guys who want a handout and we're told they were robbed of a handout 50 years ago, every fucking racist, every nazi.
Speaker 4:The reason that they need to rely on the collective is because their life sucks yeah dude.
Speaker 4:I have a buddy who's like literally like posting on like every uk, uh, like when they're taking over the uk, like the uk rape gangs and all this shit, and he's just like posting on like uk forums. I'll go into like the comment section of one of the videos and he's got like the top comment of being like you guys are letting your country get raped, you guys are fucking pussies, america would never. And it's like okay, then stop trying to save those fucking countries. Dude, those countries suck. Let's just move on. Yeah, europe's dead.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and so this german guy he just, he just walks away yes I am not so I am not an uber man so now we get to al horford in the cvs assistant.
Speaker 4:So this is the best part of the entire fucking story.
Speaker 3:I know you're I can, I'll say what I got on this. So he's supposed to go kill uh secretary of state seward and seward's in eastern market at his house.
Speaker 4:He's recently been in a carriage accident yeah so he's bedridden how did that happen, do you? I tried to find out about it, dude. I think he flipped the carriage because he was trying to drift it.
Speaker 2:He was trying to do Tokyo Drift and he fucking flipped his carriage.
Speaker 4:He flipped the golf cart. Yeah, he got too drunk at hole six. Dude got too drunk at hole six. Yeah, exactly so he's in like a full headgear. Yes, he has full headgear on.
Speaker 3:And so this guy, Harold, the CVS assistant, is going to wait outside. He's really only there because he knows the area.
Speaker 4:And when he gets in, when they get into it, okay, keep going, yeah, so.
Speaker 3:Powell goes in. There's a valet at the door and he goes. I need to give Seward medicine and the valet goes no. Medicine, yeah, and the valet goes no and he goes. He just pushes past him because he's al horford dude, he's fucking 610, won a chance, won two championships at florida absolutely yeah, exactly um, and he goes upstairs and then one of seward's kids is there and he's like what are you doing?
Speaker 3:he's like I need to get the medicine to your dad. He pulls out a gun to shoot the kid. Who's trying to stop him? Yeah that doesn't work. Uh, the gun fails. So he like breaks his skull and claps the gun over the fucking head, al horford absolutely demolishes this guy's fucking kid who's just like 25, just being like hey
Speaker 5:man what are you doing in our house?
Speaker 4:he literally just fucking clubs him to death. The violence shook the cvs assistant, the cvs assistant had kind of followed up and then he sees it start to pop off and Al Horford goes apeshit. He like fucking clubs that guy to death. The women of the house come to try to stop him. He's like punting bitches down the stairs and the CVS assistant's like oh fuck what did I sign up for, dude? He jumps on top of Seward, who's in bed, and just starts repeatedly trying to stab him in the fucking throat, but the headgear is deflecting the fucking knife.
Speaker 4:So Al Horford is on top of this guy, stabbing him over and over again. Cbs assistant's like oh my fucking God dude Runs out of the house, gets out of there. Al Horford thinks he's fucking stabbed this guy to death. Literally none of the fucking blades get all the way through. It's just like a guy laying there bedridden with a broken leg. Al horford is on top of you in full mouth.
Speaker 3:So apparently al horford is while he's stabbing is just yelling. I'm mad repeatedly he's just screaming.
Speaker 4:I'm mad over and over so this guy is not nearly as theatrical as charlie sheen. He's just in a rage, dude, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:They got a mental person, so fuck it 100%. Like retarded Al Horford. They brought retarded Al Horford to the fucking Goonies and he is just going ape shit right now. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so the CVS assistant runs off and this is actually a very big part of the story. So the CVS assistant had borrowed a horse from a guy and he sees the guy who he rented the horse from and he goes I need my horse back and the CVS assistant just rides off. So the guy who lent him the horse goes to the police station and he hears people being like dude, charlie Sheen shot the president. We've got to look for Charlie Sheen.
Speaker 3:And the guy with the horse is like oh, I think there's more than that, charlie.
Speaker 2:Sheen's been hanging out with a German dude, the CVS assistant Al Horford. A bunch typically.
Speaker 4:I wouldn't have remembered this, but he was wearing his lab coat for some reason. Al Horford was wearing his Florida jersey yeah, and he's like there was just.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's a guy in a mesh shirt with his nipples pierced, which I thought was odd and he kept going bump, bump, bump.
Speaker 4:I feel like this shit's the president. Yeah, and he was like I thought he was fucking around at first because I couldn't take the nipple piercing seriously.
Speaker 3:Right, and Powell gets out of the house after stabbing him and just kind of like runs off. Apparently he spends like a night at a cemetery, like uh, charlie sheen at this point rides down to navy yard, yeah and al horford at this point is like your buddy he's been fully radicalized yeah like he is.
Speaker 4:He's like an autistic guy who's been on the internet for like a little bit too, long. The memes got to him, got into his head and he's like I gotta fucking kill the president because he's a jewish guy and he's fucking losing his mind, goes in there, tries to stab this guy to death. I mean it. It's genuinely as if, like an IT employee who'd been laid off by Elon Musk, snapped.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's just like I'm going in. So Charlie Sheen goes to Navy Yard and he goes to a Nats game. Yeah, he watches the Nats blow a save.
Speaker 4:He's fucking pissed. Yeah, he watches the Nats blow a save and he's fucking pissed. He's fuming the bullpen. Can't fucking get it done.
Speaker 3:And he goes to the Navy. They lose to the.
Speaker 4:Yankees, he's fucking pissed.
Speaker 3:The North won again, aaron.
Speaker 4:Judge took somebody deep. He went deep on McKenzie Gore.
Speaker 3:So he goes to the navy yard bridge and they've sent out like word that the president's been shot by charlie sheen.
Speaker 4:But it hasn't gone around and sending out word at that point was like turning to the guy next to you and going. Charlie sheen shot the president and that guy finds the next nearest guy. Yeah, it takes about four days.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, um so, uh, charlie, there's a guard at the bridge. The bridge is supposed to be closed, but he goes. I'm fucking Charlie Sheen, dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:He lets him across and then Harold, the CVS assistant, goes down to the bridge and lies about his name and gets across.
Speaker 4:He's like I'm a doctor.
Speaker 3:And so they're left and they're in.
Speaker 4:Are you sure I'm a doctor? And so they're left in. They're in Anacostia and the guy's like are you sure you're a doctor? He's a plumber pharmacist, but it's close. He's like all right, I have a vocational degree.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and so they're in Anacostia fighting with the YNs yeah. That's the toughest part of they go. Yeah, so they're making their way through college heights.
Speaker 2:They're like there's a bunch of stolen hyundai elantras fucking peeling out a drill rap album yeah yeah
Speaker 4:they're trying to get into one of the hyundai elantras.
Speaker 3:Unfortunately, all the airbags have been stolen yeah, they have to resort to horse so they they make their way to surratt'sville, maryland, which is where uh mary surratt and uh her son john surratt, who was conspiring, were those the guys who fucking own the walk and roll?
Speaker 4:yes they have their own town yes, okay, so mary surratt has, that's what era we are in, the country is if you live somewhere, that's your town now yeah, you could have mattsburg I mean there's still not much going on in that part of maryland, mattsburg and Matzville are at war.
Speaker 3:I think we could go still take Surrattsville and make it Matzville and. Matzberg. We could go down, so they go there. Mary Surratt said she sent guns and binoculars down there.
Speaker 4:They stop there they meet at the MGM.
Speaker 3:They meet at the MGM, they do the Ferris wheel, and then no one is going to get all these local references.
Speaker 4:This is so funny. Look it up. No, most of our audience is Asian, they'll understand the MGM part.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they got that. They like gambling Right.
Speaker 4:So they, they're playing baccarat. Yeah, they're playing mahjong. It's a good time, yeah.
Speaker 3:Then they, so they get the guns and then they stop at Dr Mudd's house.
Speaker 4:Dr Mudd.
Speaker 3:Dr, Mudd and Dr Mudd fixes up Charlie Sheen's leg.
Speaker 4:With mud, unfortunately.
Speaker 3:That's how he got the nickname. That's the best medicine at the time.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he's got this special mud that he packs into wounds.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And Charlie Sheen's, like my bone is still sticking out.
Speaker 3:And Dr Mudd's, like I put some mud on it, rub some dirt on it. That's where the phrase comes from. You guys are going to follow up with me in six to eight weeks.
Speaker 4:Because before that everybody had just rubbed dirt on it.
Speaker 2:And Dr Mudd was the first one.
Speaker 3:He was an innovator. You rub the dirt on it and then you pour a little water.
Speaker 4:Now you've got mud, mr Jonas.
Speaker 3:Salk Dr Mudd, dr Mudd. Those are Dr Fauci Dr Mudd.
Speaker 4:Those are the big four of doctors. You'll not realize that that's the Mount Rushmore.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then this is where I got a reference laptop a little more. So they fix up his leg and they have their horses and they got to get to this guy Samuel Cox's house and he's going to help them, this guy samuel cox's house, uh, and he's gonna help them cross the potomac into virginia yeah and they hire this uh, this free black man named oswald swan, uh, to take them through very ironic to ferry them past the yns.
Speaker 3:Yeah exactly, and he takes them through the swamp. Zakaya swamp yeah, um, I wanted to go see zakaya swamp. Apparently there's not much there.
Speaker 4:I looked it up on the map it's a swamp, it's yeah, it's great mud to be.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's where dr mud, got the mud yeah he said I'm gonna, don't worry, this is the finest mud from zakaya, I think that he had and john wilkes booth, I think, stays in that swamp for four days yes and people are bringing him newspapers and he's like dude, everyone's gonna be really grateful that I fucking shot caesar and everything's like.
Speaker 4:This fucking gay actor dipshit, this fucking influencer. Shot the president.
Speaker 3:Rfk is like I tried to get somebody this is when charlie sheen he does winning in tiger blood and then he's like I should probably check into rehab.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he thought he thought everyone was going to really like that. He had AIDS. And then it turns out people did not like that and it was not a career move, that he thought it was.
Speaker 3:So they get to this one guy. He says kill your horses, you know, because you can't cross the Potomac with two horses on a raft.
Speaker 4:Everyone's going to be like what the fuck is charlie sheen with two horses on a raft? Charlie sheen on a horse cannot reiterate enough this guy still can't walk. He has a broken leg covered in mud.
Speaker 3:Yeah, um, so the first night they tried across the potomac. They go on at night and the plan is the cvs assistant's gonna row. Yeah, charlie sheen has a broken leg. He can't do shit, so he puts his like jacket over him and has like a match.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And like, just does their compass. The river's filled with warships at this time, just because the war's over and this is where everyone's kind of congregating in DC. And so they get close to this one ship and they're like, fuck, we can't row. They're going to hear us and they just have to let the river current take them for like eight hours.
Speaker 4:Notorious. The Potomac River current is fucking nuts.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Like this is the problem with crossing the Potomac, like if you tried to like go into, like a kayak right now and get into the Potomac and try to row across it.
Speaker 3:It's fucking impossible. You're going to come through on their boat with 23 year olds and call you gay.
Speaker 4:Yeah, hey, sweet kayak homo, yeah the uh.
Speaker 3:So they drift for eight hours. They eventually make their way back to land.
Speaker 4:They are back on the maryland side of the potomac they do not successfully cross yeah the next night they do it successfully yeah, charlie sheen still has a broken leg at this point and everyone in the newspaper he keeps getting newspaper articles saying how big of a bitch he is and at one point he writes in his journal he's like I'm not a bitch dude, I have a broken leg like he starts feeling sorry for himself in his journal.
Speaker 5:He's like I shot the president.
Speaker 4:Now I have a broken leg, my stupid spur.
Speaker 3:My stupid tree outfit. I should have worn these boots.
Speaker 4:I shouldn't have dressed like a fence. I would have landed perfectly, but unfortunately, the fence fucking caught on the edge and I fell Next night.
Speaker 3:They get across, they get into.
Speaker 4:I can't believe he escaped the theater with a broken leg. That part is nuts, dressed like a fence.
Speaker 3:That is some. It's like the fucking Greg Jennings video on.
Speaker 4:YouTube Greg, I put the team on my back, john Wilkes Boone.
Speaker 3:Darren Sharpe, one of the hardest-hitting safeties in the league. One of the hardest-hitting rapists in the league. One of the hardest-hitting rapists in the league, just like an old guy chasing him. Yeah, that's Darren Sharper.
Speaker 4:So at that point Darren Sharper was probably the same age as that guy, probably probably.
Speaker 3:So he gets to Virginia. He thinks they're going to be met with at least some fanfare. The newspaper has dimmed his hopes a little bit, yeah, but he gets there. He goes to this one lady who's supposed to help him out. She's like I'm not fucking touching this with a 10-foot pole yeah, you've got a mud leg yeah, you've got a mud leg. You shot lincoln and, uh, you it was. You didn't look good while you did it, it was pretty embarrassing.
Speaker 4:Everyone was talking about wearing the fence outfit.
Speaker 3:Come on, let's change it up. This is embarrassing and that doesn't work. So they go and they find this Do you have AIDS.
Speaker 4:You just told Katie Couric you have AIDS, yeah.
Speaker 3:I forgot it was.
Speaker 4:Katie Couric, who did that?
Speaker 3:They find this free black man named Willie Jett and at this point he's very much soured on the idea of being a hero. He's just like take me to your house or I'm gonna kill your family. He's like you need a house.
Speaker 4:Nobody's like oh, I don't want to get in trouble now all right mister, come on down with me. So this guy, willie, has just been freed yes, literally literally days ago yeah, like eight days ago, and the first thing that happens is a guy shows up to his house and goes fucking take me to your home where I'm going to shoot your whole family. And he's like well, this is not this is not what I wanted.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he literally is like a guy on the russian, like in eastern europe after the nazis and the russians have just come through and then adolf hitler shows up at his door and he's like I thought this was over.
Speaker 4:I thought you shot yourself and Willie Jett being like I am going to bond your house down and he's like what the fuck, willie?
Speaker 3:Jett houses them. And then they have Willie Jett's kid take them to.
Speaker 4:It would be really funny if they hung Willie Jett and his kid for aiding and abetting.
Speaker 3:Oh wait, I did fuck it up, so Willie Lucas is the black guy, and then um classic classic two white guys, two white guys diminishing black history.
Speaker 2:I mean, god damn it, yeah, we can't get it right.
Speaker 4:1619 project.
Speaker 3:And then so he gets Willie Lucas's kid to take him somewhere. He meets this guy named Willie Jet, and Willie Jet is a Confederate soldier who understands that he is Charlie Sheen at this point and that Charlie Sheen has taught the president, but he's like dude. I did love that interview.
Speaker 4:When you told Katie Couric you had AIDS. Everyone's clowning on it.
Speaker 3:That was awesome.
Speaker 4:Why are you?
Speaker 5:still wearing this fence.
Speaker 4:Do you have a mud leg. No one can get over the mud leg.
Speaker 3:He's dragging dirt everywhere. People are like how did they find us? It's like literally, charlie Sheen had a leg covered in mud. This was not hard to do.
Speaker 4:They're chasing after a mud boot print. They just keep seeing this mud boot print. They're chasing after a mud boot print. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because they just keep seeing this mud boot print. They're inside like taverns and whatnot.
Speaker 2:There's just mud everywhere and they're like we're hot on this trail. We almost got him.
Speaker 4:Yeah, because he's still going and getting drunk, because he is Charlie Sheen yes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he's still partying, he's still having a good time.
Speaker 4:Got to.
Speaker 3:He goes to Willie Jett, takes them to Richard Garrett's farm and he brings them there. Under an alias he's like this is Steve and Jeff. I don't fucking know. And so they go in there and this guy Garrett's like these guys seem a little suspicious. And then the federal agents are coming around at this time because they're like, yeah, saw a guy with a charlie sheen, with a mud boot and the cvs assistant running around and have you guys seen the guy in the lab coat?
Speaker 3:there's 10 000 union troops at this point looking for charlie sheen and uh, charlie sheen and the cvs assistant are like oh, this is weird we're. While they're searching around, we're just gonna go hide in the barn in the back yeah, this guy garrett's like, oh okay yeah, and he gets really weirded out by that. They come back and he's like y'all are sketchy. Uh, you need. You have aids. Your boots covered in mud you guys need to you're dressed like a fence you guys need to sleep in the barn.
Speaker 4:Why, at no point did he just find another fence and post it just?
Speaker 3:sounds like that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and he just imagine union troops walking by them and he's like fucking full-blown fence and they're just walking by and they're like this guy has aids, like how fucking gay is.
Speaker 3:They're like lincoln loves and he's just sitting there like dude.
Speaker 4:I fucking shot the president.
Speaker 3:I'm not gay, I'm, I'm winning. I have tiger blood. I not gay.
Speaker 4:He keeps muttering that to himself. Is that fence talking?
Speaker 3:I didn't get the AIDS from being gay. Everyone's saying I got the AIDS from being gay. Impressive Charlie Sheen got AIDS as a straight white man. That's really.
Speaker 4:You know what we call a straight man with AIDS. What A liar.
Speaker 3:So they go to Garrett's house, they go off, they eventually find Willie Jack because someone's like, yeah, this guy. He said it was Jeff and Steve, but it was Charlie Sheen and the guy in a lab, but I've seen Major League's.
Speaker 4:Okay, I know I love Major League.
Speaker 3:I love Platoon, I hell. I even liked him in Scary Movie 3 yeah, he's very funny in that movie. And uh, they eventually go back. They they go to, they say willie jet, like tell us where they are, we're gonna hang them. And immediately willie jet's like yeah, they're at garrett's house and they get knock on garrett's door and garrett's like, yeah, the sketch balls are out. Back yeah and crack yeah they, they circle them immediately.
Speaker 3:The cvs assistant is like I surrender john wilkes booth or charlie sheen says you're gonna have to carry me out of here on a stretcher yeah so they circle this tobacco uh barn and there are apparently slats in it. And this guy named boston corbett, he see. He claims they don't want to kill charlie sheen, so he shoots him in the neck to slow him down well so yeah, they don't want to, they don't want to kill him and they want him. But boston corbett says he saw him loading a rifle and was like gonna fight back so he shoots him in the neck and he is paralyzed at that classic cop move.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he was reaching for a weapon. Yeah, he was.
Speaker 3:Yeah and so, and the fbi has been doing this ever since they said this guy boston corbett's on to something this guy really is a j edgar hoover finds out about boston corbett, so he became very famous from this and he eventually they they tried to try him for like insubordination, cause they really didn't want to shoot Charlie Sheen and he's like too famous so they like let him off. Yeah, but he's a complete lunatic.
Speaker 3:No, dude he so in prior to the war, when he was a union soldier. He didn't want to succumb to the sin of lust, so he castrates himself. American history rocks. There's we have a dickless man named boston who's jealous of how much pussy charlie sheen, boston corbett and he's like I can't get aids because I cut my cock off.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna fucking shoot this guy in the neck, this is literally the original fbi is like. I mean, j edgar Edgar Hoover also castrated himself.
Speaker 2:Really no, but he dressed in women's clothing a lot.
Speaker 3:He did do that yeah.
Speaker 4:And so he's. Basically, this is the first trans man. The first trans man shoots the guy Charlie Sheen in the neck and that's what the Democratic Party saw then was like we need more trans people. We're going to run on this for the next 150 years.
Speaker 3:And Charlie Sheen, ever the actor. He says the guys are talking to him. His last words he says tell my mom I either fought or I died for my country. And then I think and someone's like no. Not a chance.
Speaker 4:She was a whore. She got married out of wedlock. Yeah, a bilingualist.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you're down in Christian Virginia.
Speaker 4:Yeah, whatever, Emilio Estevez.
Speaker 3:So, and then he has his. Charlie Sheen says put my hands up to my face. And he says useless, useless, and then he dies. Yep, and I think this is part of like he was ever the dramaticist. It had something to do with like the fact that, like the palm reader read his hand back then. And he was.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 3:Like I was, like I thought, even in Charlie Sheen's coked out mind he was like I still got to make this theatrical. Charlie Sheen's coked out mind he was like. I still got to make this theatrical.
Speaker 4:Useless reading Everyone's just literally like what are you?
Speaker 2:doing. You're going to live for like four more days.
Speaker 4:He lives for like another six hours.
Speaker 3:Really.
Speaker 4:He says like useless, useless, and they're just like poking him with a stick. Stop, he's fucking Danny McBride at the Pineapple.
Speaker 5:Express.
Speaker 3:They're at the diner. He's like I gotta get to a hospital. So, yeah, that's the end of Charlie Sheen and I have a little epilogue of kind of everything that happens. So I gotta go through all the names really quick.
Speaker 4:They hang Al Horford. They hang Al.
Speaker 3:Horford they hang the German, so let's get into how they got caught. Al Horford they hang the German, so let's get into how they got caught.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So Al Horford, not known in DC, the only place he knows is Surratt's house, right he goes back to Surratt, goes to walk and roll. He goes to walk and roll. He says I got to sing, Friends in Low Places.
Speaker 4:Right, I've got friends. He's from.
Speaker 3:Florida. So he does a little Leonard Skinner he wants to do Tuesday's Gone.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he's doing Tuesday's Gone with the Wind and he's dressed in his jersey and people are like do you guys know that Al Horford is singing Tuesday's Gone on rock? And roll right now there's 30 Asians just staring at this guy, who's twice their size.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the tallest man they've ever seen.
Speaker 2:The Godzilla is in the rock and roll.
Speaker 5:That's why they alerted the police.
Speaker 3:They thought he was coming to destroy the building and the cops he knocks on the door. The people had been like, yeah, mary Surratt has been housing these guys Apparently the whole time while they've been planning to kidnap Lincoln. You know she could have claimed that she was just like housing them. She didn't know about it but her son was involved and she's been popping in with pizza rolls, being like well, if you guys want to kidnap him, are you guys going to kidnap the president?
Speaker 4:She's chiming in. I think you just shoot him. It's going to be hard to get him out of there. I know you guys You're trying to kill the president. I never understand these games. I don't want to, but I would just shoot him have you thought about dressing like a fence, yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, also.
Speaker 4:John, she turns out to be the mastermind behind the whole thing yeah. Charlie Sheen's original plan she does their group project for them. They're trying to do a group project where they shoot Mentos into a Diet Coke.
Speaker 3:You're going to get an F and we can't have you held back another year.
Speaker 4:I need you to move out of the house.
Speaker 3:I got to go to Target and get some colored paper. You know you got to mat the article on the colored paper.
Speaker 2:It looks good. You got to learn about matting.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And then, like we don't have any glue sticks so we got to do this fucking page. So she does the group project for them. She does the group project, yeah, In the basement of the walk and roll.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm, and this is also I should have mentioned this, charlie she original plan was, during the play they were going to lower lincoln onto the stage and like alive and then like go out with him as like a hostage and then ransom him. Yeah, which is the dumbest?
Speaker 4:only an actor could come up with that. Yeah, no, that's why you don't let tom cruise direct. No, not at all.
Speaker 3:Um, so that's how he gets caught. Azerot, uh, the german guy. Guess where he goes up in maryland?
Speaker 4:he goes to the club goes to germantown, he goes to pick pumpkins and apples. Yeah, he just thought that it was going to be other germans um and they, eventually they go, they catch him why is everyone asian?
Speaker 5:I thought they were going to be like me, but Japan has already won.
Speaker 3:Pick a pumpkin yeah.
Speaker 4:Selling pumpkins on the side of the road. Yeah, so.
Speaker 2:They all have a mesh shirt on.
Speaker 3:I mean I'm scared. I'm sure the birds are Gay scarecrow.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he's the'm scared. I'm sure the birds are Gay. Scarecrow yeah gay scarecrow.
Speaker 3:He's the scariest scarecrow.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I mean. That's why I never liked the one in the Wizard of Oz.
Speaker 4:Keeps trying to fuck everybody.
Speaker 3:that's not the squirrel, this is the crow, they go, they get all of them. They get Sam Arnold and Michael Laughlin, who were the original guys in the plot to kidnap. How did they get them. I don't know how they get them. I think it's just at this point they know, it's all these. Maryland boys who kind of ran in the same circle.
Speaker 4:They shared it on Snapchat, yeah.
Speaker 3:Their Snap stories were like oh so lit. Fucking. Charlie Sheen pulled it off.
Speaker 4:I told you Y'all were hating. This is the original drill rap. Yeah, they snitch on themselves with drill rap Snapchat stories, exactly.
Speaker 3:Emeril Bowser gives them two days in jail.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:For drill rap. Yeah, what's his name? Spangler. Spangler, the guy who tells peanut burrows to hold the horse. He gets arrested strictly because he had like been friends with charlie sheen before. Yeah, and at this point this is where, like it kind of gets into where we're talking about, like lincoln is caesar, like, and, to be fair, you fucking shoot the president. You know they're gonna do a pretty trial, so they're just getting everyone who's involved and they also get Mary Surratt and they give Laughlin Arnold also Dr Mudd. Dr Mudd says he didn't know he was a Confederate sympathizer and the smoking gun was he went into town to get Mudd to fix his leg.
Speaker 3:And everyone's like did you see Charlie Sheen shot the president.
Speaker 4:He's like huh. Really Weird.
Speaker 2:Crazy. Who would have?
Speaker 4:thought.
Speaker 3:He just starts collecting dirt.
Speaker 4:What are you making mud for? He's like nothing.
Speaker 3:It's a new experimental surgery.
Speaker 4:He's like God, that guy's weird. They just wanted to get him out of town.
Speaker 3:It's not really helping. They just wanted to get him out of town. It's not really helping. They just wanted a chance to do the mud experiment again.
Speaker 4:Why isn't this working? This should work.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so down at Fort McNair, which is like Buzzards Point in DC, they hang Powell, Azerot Harold, they hang Al Horford, the German, the cvs assistant and mary surratt.
Speaker 4:Damn um laughlin, arnold just for trying to help with the group project.
Speaker 3:Yes, okay uh, laughlin, arnold and mud all get life in prison. Um spangler gets six years in prison yeah, and one of them seem fair yeah, arnold or laughlin. One of them dies of yellow fever in prison which, like if you go to prison at this point there's about like a one in three chance you're just dying of a sickness and you're hoping you're dying yeah it's way way better than the alternative.
Speaker 3:They have no soap to drop I mean you're just getting ass fucked it's pretty brutal, but you you have chlamydia within 10 seconds when the air hits you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, you're in a dc prison, it's bad, it's rough.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, you're, and so they hang them all just other people who got arrested for drill rap.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and here's the thing their mixtape is way better than yours.
Speaker 2:You just recorded that one track.
Speaker 3:While you were down in anacostia right now, you were feeling yourself yeah, and everybody else they're just like joy road.
Speaker 4:Uh hyundai elantra yeah and you're like, and they got the same amount of time in jail as you did.
Speaker 3:They're using you for pleasure for shooting, for shooting the president so eventually mud spangler and either laughlin or arnold whichever one survives, they get pardoned by johnson, I assume that's. We can talk about reconstruction in a second. And then there's one figure I want to talk about, john Surratt, mary Surratt's son, who was originally in the conspiracy. When Charlie Sheen suits Lincoln, he's in Elmira, new York, and he flees to Montreal and he's a Catholic. So he enlists in the Papal Zouaves and goes over to Italy. So the Papal Zouaves were, like everyone knows, the swiss guard who guards the vatican.
Speaker 4:At that point italy hasn't been reunified, so the vatican is just like hiring the infantrymen to like catholics to defend them honestly, I might do that if that were an option today, especially now that we have an american pope oh yeah, dude, he'd shell out for the boys.
Speaker 3:Maybe that's our, maybe that's our arc yeah, is we go be pappals walls in italy we just show up and like are you guys still doing pappals? What the fuck are you talking? About I'm gonna guard the pope so, um, he's down there and he thinks he's clear. There's no fucking internet. There's no interval.
Speaker 4:It's always an internet. He's in internet. He's in italy, yeah, and there's no like.
Speaker 3:It's obviously a story, but it's the journalism to the point, isn't?
Speaker 4:we're in italy, they're like this john surratt guy is on the list because america is the backwoods at this point.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah, 100, it's the wild west right, the whole country is, and so this guy um henry beaumont d saint marie is another guy from maryland who joins the papal zouaves no shit. And he's like fucking john potomac high school yeah what the fuck are you didn't yeah weren't you wrapped up and this is charlie sheen.
Speaker 4:This is literally the talented mr ripley yeah theal Zouave guy keeps running in the Surat guy keeps running into people who recognize him. And he's like how the fuck is this.
Speaker 3:I literally joined the Papal Zouave. We're in fucking Sicily right now. How do I see this fucking dork back from Potomac High and he gets caught, he escapes and he gets on a boat to Alexandria, egypt, not Alexandria Virginia.
Speaker 4:Holy shit.
Speaker 3:And he gets caught in Alexandria.
Speaker 2:Egypt. By who?
Speaker 3:They don't go into this and it really pisses me off. I'm guessing like probably there was like one ship leaving.
Speaker 4:One American ship.
Speaker 3:Yeah there was like only one way for him to get out, so they were probably waiting for him when he got there.
Speaker 4:Who.
Speaker 3:Well, the telegram does exist at this point how are they getting over there?
Speaker 4:I, I don't know, dude, they're going over fucking literally like a 15, like a three-week boat ride to go kid, to go grab this guy I think there were already people there, like the us, I guess, was doing diplomacy there.
Speaker 3:no shit, okay, and he gets caught, he gets extradited back to the US.
Speaker 4:We're just building cracker barrels in Italy at this point. Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the trial ends in a hung jury in 1867.
Speaker 4:Is that where they hang the jury? That's confusing. If you guys don't make a decision, we're going to hang you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So all the guys who originally were tried. They were tried under military tribunal because they didn't want Confederate sympathizers to be in the jury and at this point they can't say it's a military tribunal, because it's two years after it happened.
Speaker 4:Two years man. He thought he was out of there.
Speaker 3:So it's a hung jury and they go, and they go. Well, boys, that was two years ago.
Speaker 4:Statute of limitations is up on this one, you're free to walk, president it's uh, john surratt walks a free man, even though his mom has been killed at the walk and roll.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and because they were like dude.
Speaker 4:That was two years ago, so he just goes back to the walk and roll yeah, and starts doing starts he's tuesday's gone.
Speaker 3:A memory of al horford, yeah um, and that's uh, that's the, the other epilogue figures, let's see. So there's uh colonel, or major rathbone, him and his wife. He gets married to the lady he was with in the booth that you have to at that point. Yeah, yeah, exactly, and no one's gonna. Everyone thinks he's a pussy, he's like please just marry me.
Speaker 3:Uh, they have three kids. He never forgives himself for lincoln's assassination. He goes crazy and kills his entire family in germany. Uh, I guess they're sending him over as like a diplomat and he goes amityville horror he does so holy shit and uh, I not much more than that, but that I got two epilogues.
Speaker 4:Yeah, edwin. So this is fucking Emilio Estevez. Yeah, before Charlie Sheen had shot the president, edwin had actually saved Mary Todd's son from falling into a train.
Speaker 3:Yes, the only surviving. All the Lincoln boys die except for this one. Yeah, and so in 186464.
Speaker 4:This is before the shooting even happens. He's getting ready to go like on set and they're at a train in New York and Lincoln Todd like or whatever the fuck his name is one of the Todd boys fault. Wait, is it Lincoln?
Speaker 3:I think his name yeah, it's Lincoln's kids and his name's like he has kids?
Speaker 4:yeah, they have four kids.
Speaker 3:All of them die, except for this one guy. It's like todd lincoln.
Speaker 4:It's called todd lincoln falls into a train track, he gets pushed by a homeless guy into the new york metro, right. I mean that problem was still happening all the way they haven't figured that one out, they still haven't figured that out. So I'm just fucking insane. Homeless person shoves this four-year-old boy, or how old he's like no, he was a man.
Speaker 3:At the time he was like, he was like well, he was like he was 20 well, here's the thing is.
Speaker 4:Back then he was nine years old, but he had a full job he was working in a factory.
Speaker 3:He had a wife, he was a officer and a gentleman.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah back then, if you were nine years old, you had uh, you had a union job in a factory up north.
Speaker 3:He pulls them out and saves them, and the only thing that he like, the only thing that emilio estevez like stops the guilt from his brother shooting the president, is that he saved the one like surviving lincoln kid and it really ruins emilio estevez's career this point is probably the most famous man in america the most famous actor and uh, the so todd lincoln he has trouble getting parts after this. Yeah, yeah, he yeah the hollywood left dude you would not believe how vicious they are yeah, um, todd laid mighty ducks. He keeps trying to bring his tape of mighty ducks to the people and they say, listen, we like it.
Speaker 4:But after the whole winning tiger blood, yeah, we can't sign you on to play caesar again, because those are the only plays they're still doing they're like maybe you could do richard the third yeah so, uh, todd lincoln he is also at the two presidential assassinations of james garfield what he's?
Speaker 3:so he becomes secretary of state. Um, he is, uh, at 15 years old yeah, he's 15 years old. They say it's like, come on, it's lincoln's son, yeah yeah, it's todd lincoln.
Speaker 3:What are you gonna do? He's out. He's charles guiteau. We I did a podcast on this guy once. He's kind of hilarious. We can get into him another time. He shoots james garfield and then um mckinley in buffalo at the pan-american world fair, gets shot by some anarchist and he's also at that what he's a bad luck, yeah you don't want to hang out with this guy.
Speaker 4:Dude, todd lincoln actually might be the mastermind behind all of this.
Speaker 3:He wanted to get the conspiracies.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he wanted to get his dad shot and then he was. He was actually an anarchist who was trying to bring down from the inside. He was george w. He was.
Speaker 3:He was jed bush yeah, jed bush has had all the assassinations. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and yeah, I think that's the whole epilogue I got on it Seward is the last one.
Speaker 4:He's the one who gets stabbed by.
Speaker 3:Al Burford.
Speaker 4:Seward in 1867, purchases Alaska.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And his nickname becomes like Big Dumb Dipshit. They call it Seward's Folly.
Speaker 4:Yeah, his nickname is basically Big Dumb shit. It's like dude who, why the fuck did you buy alaska? And everyone just thinks he's a fucking moron like he's like dude. He got stabbed in the face by al horford literally like 40 times. His son is mentally retarded for the rest of his life like can't do anything. I mean genuinely yeah his son is terry shivo and he just goes and buys alaska with like no permission he's the everyone is like this is the dumbest shit ever.
Speaker 4:So he's been stabbed to death. So now you are the guy. This is basically who seward is is. You are the guy who, on the same day, gets like the president got shot.
Speaker 2:He like goes into bars like you know, they tried to kill me too, right and everyone's like who cares?
Speaker 4:dude shut the fuck. Why do you always make it about yourself like everyone is just he tries to tell the story for the rest of his life and everyone is just like, okay, all right, sounds good, nice job, buying alaska sweet pears up there.
Speaker 2:I guess we're gonna get all the salmon.
Speaker 4:You know, I'm sorry, you're not supposed to say that word anymore, but you can use it in. You know, but you know, but don't say they were saying it back then, they were saying it back there. Way worse, I was doing a time piece yeah, instead of calling them like what, was it an open sock to come in yeah yeah back then they, instead of retard, they just called you fucking like smooth brain window licker. And so he fucking uh, he buys alaska, which turns out to be like one of the greatest.
Speaker 3:American movies of all time. Yeah, which is? It is kind of. It is truly a stupid thing to buy if you don't know about the oil.
Speaker 2:It's a completely erotic thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Why the fuck would you buy that? He bought it for the fish at the time.
Speaker 3:Okay, People were just like what.
Speaker 4:Yeah, we don't need that much fish. There's eight people on that coast. Yeah, why is there so much fish now? Yeah, yeah, he's like at some point there's gonna be a lot of people, there's gonna be a lot of jews in la and they're gonna want salmon.
Speaker 2:They're gonna want salmon and a lot of a lot of salmon and we're gonna have to fight off
Speaker 4:kodiak bears for the jewish salmon they're gonna go.
Speaker 3:One day there's gonna be a discovery channel you're to be able to watch a show where guys, go and catch crabs out there.
Speaker 4:It's going to be awesome you and your dad are going to bond over that.
Speaker 3:It's the only show you're going to be drunk on bud lights and you're going to sit there and watch that and they're like what is television? He's like don't worry about it but people are going to be awesome.
Speaker 4:You're going to fucking love it yeah, so james seward, or whatever the fuck his first name is, I mean, he is genuinely, he is deadliest catch Seward.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but then they also wanted to move all of the Jews post-Holocaust. They wanted to move all of the Jews to Alaska.
Speaker 3:Really.
Speaker 4:That was the two choices. It was Jerusalem or Alaska. Yeah, and the reason they didn't put them in Alaska, I like to tell people, is because they thought they wouldn't be able to get along with the bears.
Speaker 3:they were like dude, they're gonna be eating the same fucking thing I was gonna say they complain about the weather too much, but if they were out there it'd probably be sunny and 75 every day.
Speaker 2:Just turn the heat up yeah what the fuck are we talking about?
Speaker 4:yeah, yeah, so that's it.
Speaker 3:I think that's pretty much I think we did a good job. Yeah, I think this was solid. I enjoyed this I.
Speaker 4:I think we covered everything um. I've been yawning for the last 30 minutes I'm pretty tired too. I've absolutely hit a wall from talking about fucking Norman Powell or whatever the fuck his name is, but I think that we have pretty much covered everything you need to know about the assassination of President Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth, who I think at the end of the day we can still say American hero.
Speaker 3:I didn't. Northern TikTokers are not American hero.
Speaker 4:But he did do a good you know a good thing by killing the American Caesar.
Speaker 3:No, because Reconstruction was going to go way better. It was going to go way better, it was going to be so much better. Absolutely Andrew Johnson's like the worst. A fucking northerner got involved and just, I mean, fucked the south, like of course people do well, that's why a lot of people were so pissed in the newspaper, because everyone in the us government fucking hated the south and that's also why lincoln was like he did win the election and landslide because of the war.
Speaker 3:But a lot of the northerners were like we're just gonna give him money to fucking rebuild.
Speaker 4:What the fuck are you thinking he was dead. All bets were off, yeah, until grant came along grant, luckily there's a little.
Speaker 3:It was a little too little, too late, but that's not grant's fault, that's not granted the best he could yeah, all right well, thanks guys, have a nice day black helicopters
Speaker 4:no-transcript of. People think that it's like you know, it's sweet home, alabama, you know, or you know maybe Midnight Rider by the Allman Brothers. But I would argue that the best Southern rock song ever written is probably the Night they Drove Old Dixie Down, which was written I mean, they are Canadian, which is kind of crazy, but I think the guy who wrote the song the band member who wrote the song is was, uh, was Southern, grew up in like Arkansas or some shit, but it is. It's funny that they're called the band. Um, first time I actually heard of the band I was 17, working a construction job with uh, like I mean, if you've worked construction, especially as like a younger age, and then you run into you look back on the people that you met that were working construction with you, like this guy was like fucking literally 50 years old.
Speaker 4:His name was Bobby from Manassas and his name was Bobby, he was from Manassas, we called him Bobby from Manassas and he was an ex-Coke dealer out of Manassas and probably an ex-Coke fiend too.
Speaker 4:If you just looked at him, you could kind of think probably, yeah, he used a lot of his own, a lot of his own products, probably why he wasn't very successful and had to be out there working with us, but he fucking man he was always doing shit like he would like fucking.
Speaker 4:I remember this one time we needed needed a, we needed an excavator, and he went down and asked another job site if he could borrow their excavator, like a different crew, and then took the excavator for the job and then hid the excavator in the woods because we weren't done with the job and he had told them he was going to give it back to them and then just acted like the excavator had been lost and he had told them he was going to give it back to them and then just acted like the excavator had been lost, like for like two days, pretended like the excavator was lost while we used the excavator, you know, and he was hiding it in the woods with the keys in there. I mean just like basically at it. They ended up calling the cops and the cops went through like our project manager and the guy was like I don't know who. We had a british product manager, which is the first time I've ever had that.
Speaker 5:It's pretty funny and he was like I don't know who took the excavator, but the excavator's gonna need to go back, like now. What was that?
Speaker 4:yesterday. The excavator needed to be there. Bobby, looking at you, I'm sure it was you. I think I went Australian there, but that guy was fucking out of his mind, actually gotten a wreck with Bobby from Manassas one time in the snow. He was a fucking complete maniac.
Speaker 4:But the point was his favorite band was the Band. And I remember we were out working one day and I was like, oh yeah, man, what kind of music do you listen to? And he was like I like you know rock, music, like Southern rock, whatever. And I was like, oh, what's your favorite band? And he goes the band. I was like no, yeah, I know, but like what's your favorite band? And he was like the band. And I'm like, no, I'm asking you what's your favorite band? And he goes and I'm saying the band and I'm like no, I not like a band, I'm talking about which band? And he's like the band. And it was.
Speaker 4:We did that for probably 35 minutes and it was just two idiots from Manassas who couldn't figure out how to communicate with each other. I don't even think I figured it out then. I think I was mad about it for a day until I asked my dad. I told my dad the story and he's like no, you idiot, there's a band called the band and I'm like, well, why wouldn't you just say that you know? Why wouldn't you explain that it was a?
Speaker 4:Uh, it was very much a who's on first moment, which, if you know, for our comedy listeners in thailand, I'm sure you guys don't know about, uh, american pop culture to the level that some of our american viewers do, but who's on first is a famous bit. It's probably like the first american bit that we like became famous for, like a first famous comedian american bit, an american comedian bit. Hold on, who is who does who's on first. What year was who's on first? Gotta go into google because I got fucking duck duck go up and that shit doesn't even work. So I don't even know why I make it my home browser. It doesn't even work. But let's see who's on first. My fucking internet sucks dick god, it doesn't suck as much dick as me, though.
Speaker 4:What, okay, who's on first? Oh, it's by Abbott and Costello. I knew it was somebody like that. Yeah, 1944. Maybe I'll put that in the. Maybe I'll put that in there. Um, but now you know what let's do. This will be more fun. I'll just. I'll just read it to you guys.
Speaker 4:Basically, the premise of the bit is that they're watching a baseball game and there's a man named who's WHO on first base, and so the guy uh, the guy is named who's he's on first, and then there's a guy named what on second, and then the guy on third is I don't know, and that's a little too far, um, but then the one guy's like, oh, who's on first? And he's like who's on first? And he's like no, but what's the fellow's name? And he's like yeah, and he's like, well, who is on first? And he's like who's on first? And he's like no, who is on first? Like I'm telling you who's on first? He's like, okay, whatever, who's on second? And he's like what's on second? And he's like, no, I'm asking the player that's on second, you know, and they do that for like 20 minutes, and that's like how you know that the 1940s was a time filled with just low levellevel mental retardation, like it's just the dumbest people in the world. Like the same way that our not cost of living, but like our standard of living has risen since then.
Speaker 4:Like even if, like, maybe quality of life hasn't gone up, but at least the standard of living was so much higher and the standard of comedy is so much higher. I mean, can you imagine Alex Jones doing a who's on First bit right now and he's like the Democrats are on first? I mean, I don't even know what the modern day equivalent of that would be, but we're going back there slowly but surely, back there slowly but surely. The more you watch TikTok and like the influencers who are posting on TikTok and the influencers who are posting on Instagram, the more that you guys like their content instead of liking content like this. You know an hour and a half long form about Martin Sheen shooting Abraham Lincoln. That's your fault, okay, so you guys are contributing to the malaise of the American empire and if you keep doing that, we're going to eventually end up in a place where you don't want to be. So please rate and review the episode that I mean. I cannot stress that enough. Just rate it, just rate it. And review.
Speaker 5:It takes five seconds. I don't know why the fuck you guys don't do it, just rate and review the fucking episode.
Speaker 4:Anyways, we're going to start putting all these on YouTube. We finally have a producer, which is exciting for us, so he's going to start helping us with the producing. So let's uh, let's worry about that and look for us on YouTube. If you could just leave a review, leave a like, I mean it goes such a long way and it is just completely. I mean it just drives me crazy that you guys don't do it. I mean I genuinely want to like commit sepulcro in front of you guys so that you guys have to watch, because I mean it's just unbelievable that you guys can't just, you know, just help a brother out at the end of the day.
Speaker 5:I think that's what I'm saying I'm just like bro, help a brother out. Man, it's hot out on these streets. You know to be pimping. I just need you guys to help a brother out, you know, I just need you to be out there. My cousin Tredavious, he has been on the streets for years. I've been asking him. I've been saying what do you need from me, trapezius? And all he keeps saying is cat, I need you to leave a review. Leave a review, Leave a rating. It ain't that motherfucking hard, because it's hard out here being a pimp, but it ain't hard to leave a review, is that?
Speaker 4:what you guys want me to do. You guys want me to dance for you. That's what I'm doing. I'll dance for you guys, but I just need you to leave a fucking review.
Speaker 1:That's it. That's all you gotta do.
Speaker 4:Let's check our stocks. Let's check our. Oh great, bitcoin's down. Bitcoin's down $3 today. I mean that's literally my life savings. We're fucked.
Speaker 2:Ooh.
Speaker 4:I just dumped a bunch of money in this stock called AeroVironment if you're listening and it has dropped. I've lost $40 today. Isn't that crazy? You just go into the stock market and realize you've lost $40, like if somebody took $40 from you. You'd be furious If I was at a blackjack table, I lost $40, I'd fucking cry. So you know, that's the world we live in. But hey, hope you guys are doing well. Please leave a review. Or again, I think at this point in my life suicide's on the table. So if you guys could just save me, you know, just save me.
Speaker 5:You know, just save me because I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking maybe six feet ain't so far down. Hold me now, because I'm six inches away from sucking you off.
Speaker 4:And I'm thinking six inches, ain't that deep. It's not my best word, but we did what we could. Just leave us a review, and you can expect more stuff like this. That's what a review gets you. We don't ask you guys to pay anything, we just ask you to stop being such fucking leeches. All the time you guys are such leeches. Anyways, new episode out probably Sunday, so keep an eye out for that. Thanks, bye.