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Have A Nice Day
The Civil War: Can We Say "It" Now?
This is the second episode of our two part series on the battle of Manassas. Thanks again to Joey Duffield. Go follow him on IG. Also follow me on IG. Also rate and review the episode. I mean we have 7 reviews. wtf are you guys doing. you're some of the most difficult fans to deal with in the world. no one else has to deal with this. But that's why we love you. I know i respect the hell out of you guys for it. Keep not reviewing it. The podcast will just be our little secret ;)
Episode Minutes:
- Stonewall Jackson was re(g)arded
- PGT Beauregard was (g)ey
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all right. So key players battle of manassas. We've got general irvin mcdonald mcdowell we talked about him. That's the guy that lincoln sends down from the union. You've got general pgt beau regard. He's a creole from the south and he don't come up there. No, protect the boys up there in the north. Then you've got general thomas stonewall jackson. Um, and he is, uh, he's going to be a whole. He's going to be a whole guy that we're going to get into. Deeply religious and very eccentric um, we'll get into some of his eccentricities because he's a crucial part of the battle. He wins the battle, wins the day. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert wins the battle for the south. Uh, maybe I should cut that. I don't know if we should have a spoiler alert. Does everybody know what happened at the battle of manassas? You're right, the, the thai audience has no idea what's happening, so they're so excited they don't want to know who won yet.
Speaker 1:And then you got general joseph e johnston, who deferred credit to beauregard during the post-battle fame grab. Okay, so he actually was the ranking commander. Beauregard was very stylish and dramatic and had a flair for symbolic movements, and he also designed his own uniform. So it's a gay guy.
Speaker 1:They had a gay guy from Louisiana is in charge of the Confederate Army. It's literally Senator Lindsey Graham is in charge. He's just like. I just feel like we could take these boys out. If we just turn them and run them and if we do it in a cute, stylish uniform, then everybody's going to love us. You boys fought so hard. Today I just give each one of you a kiss on your fucking lips. I mean, my god, um, I think we've pretty much covered.
Speaker 1:Uh, beauregard, he would design his own uniforms and his own battle flags, which became very confusing because nobody in the war, including the union at this time, had a standardized uniform or standardized battle flags. So there was entire episodes during the battle of manassas where people would just be like walking next to each other and somebody would start talking this is gen, this is, this is true. Someone would start talking in an irish accent and the confederates would realize that they were irish immigrants, that they were the union, while they're walking next to each other and they'd be like what the fuck did you just say to me? And they were like I was just wondering how long we'd be walking up this hill. I mean, my God, where's the enemy? And they would just turn and start shooting each other. It happened like five times in the battle. It's just no one knew who anybody was, and so they would only be able to do it based off of your accent.
Speaker 2:So you'd have a irish guy be like, oh my jolly. I think it's like I've had an army and they'd start fucking shooting each other like right there. I mean, it's just how many people are in this. All fucking 70 000 people walk into the same spot, 70 000 people at the same time.
Speaker 1:and not only do you have 70 000 troops, you also. This is why this battle is such a turning point, uh, in the american civil war. It's why it's so important and why the American Civil War is also so important. Like we said, technology wise first time you got railways. First time you got telegrams. First time you have machine guns. First entry of ironclad battleships. But more than that, it's the first time America's had a full scale war like this, where it's like a genuine ground invasion because, like the Mexican war, mexican American war was kind of small.
Speaker 1:But this is like You're battling, you're fighting like the way that, like the French, have been fighting for years. Like this is like a Napoleon style, european style land conflict that we just had not been a part of yet and so nobody really knew what the tactics were. Nobody really knew what it was going to be like. Everybody from Washington D thought this was going to be a quick and easy battle, so people from DC came down to picnic the battle. So on the sides of the hills, when the war and the shootings first starts, you have a bunch of people who think that they're going to see like a glorious cavalry charge, like the charge of the light brigade. Like is the famous poem where you ever heard that like mine's, not to mine's not to think, or what mine's, not to wonder why mine is, but to do or die, you ever heard that poem.
Speaker 1:It's a. It's a crimean uh, crimean war, crimean war between the russians and the british. And there's a great poem about it. I think it's by gk chesterton, but he has this great line where he's like mine's not to to wonder why mine's, but to do or die. And the whole poem is set to the iambic potameter of horse beats because it's a cavalry charge. And so during that war the reason that there's a poem about it is because there's a bunch of people during the Crimean war, there's a bunch of people watching it from the sidelines, just like watching this, this charge of cavalry, of of British cavalry into the mouth of the Russian defense. They're like, oh, they're all going to die. And so they start writing down what's going to happen. So the American Civil War. They think it's going to be something similar. So they bring a picnic. They think it's going to be a rout. People are bringing carriages down. They're literally tailgating the first battle of the Civil War. They're bringing the kids, dude.
Speaker 2:They brought the kids, dude. They brought their kids. They're drinking beers, they're doing picnics. It is the original nascar we're gonna see a fight, yeah you might see a big crash yeah so, but wasn't it like south like I mean these people the south also thought they were gonna wreck shit, I believe the south thought they were like these people doing picnics. I mean, it was in virginia. Are these southern people or northern people? No, these are Northern people from Washington DC, coming from DC.
Speaker 1:The gall dude, because one of the big problems with the war, when it breaks out, one of the big things that mucks up not the war, the battle, but one of the big things that mucks up the panic sets in. These are not soldiers, these are just people. These are trader joe's people who came down to get drunk a little bit, drink wine and watch from the hill and all of a sudden they realize that they are insufficiently armed. All they have is like rock hard avocados and tote bags. They don't know what to do. They're getting nervous, so they start to panic and they start to run because the cannons start going off. And nobody's seen cannons used like this before. They're using napoleon's tactics like that. They've been studying at west point, so no one's really gotten to use it yet. And all of a sudden you just from like all of the hills, like you're out of nowhere. Just imagine you went there to see nascar but the nascar event turned into fallujah, yeah it's like turns into mario kart.
Speaker 1:So now the shells fly, the walls break.
Speaker 2:So now the shells are going in the yeah, yeah, yeah, no caution flag, yeah absolutely.
Speaker 1:It's like the nascars were like those james bond cars with like machine guns attached to them and they just start driving into the stands and taking people out friendly fire so then, okay, so then we'll talk about erwin mcdonnell.
Speaker 1:He is uh mcdowell, he is often known as the fall guy. Um, he was also west point educated. He had fought with robert e lee and general grant in the mexican american war as well as stonewall. Um, he told lincoln. He was like uh, these guys are all from ireland, none of these troops are ready. Like we've been training for 90 days, none of this is going to work.
Speaker 1:So he tried to come up with this complex battle plan and the raw recruits had no idea how to fucking handle that, so loses control of troop movement almost immediately because, like we said, they had all designed their own flags. So they all have like flags that don't match each other's flags and, within like five minutes of the battle, everyone's running for cover. There's like a full-blown, just dissolution of the union army and the south is just fucking running at people. Uh, right, which is known as so the retreat begins pretty early on. Uh, mass panic. We kind of talked about that, but there was oh, here's a here's a fun quote.
Speaker 1:The stampede became general, the army was routed, a regiment of regulars and a battery of artillery remained to cover the fight. So, as people are fucking running away towards them. These people are like watching them and like what the fuck are you doing? And one of the moments is that the uh, uh union officers away towards them. These people are like watching him and they're like what the fuck are you doing? And one of the moments is that the union officer is running towards them and he goes move out of the way I'm the rear guard and they realize that there's nobody. All of these fucking the Trader Joe's tailgaters realize that there's nobody between them and the Confederate Army. And the Confederate Army is shelling them because they don't know the difference between anybody, because no one's wearing uniforms. So they start shelling the people who are fucking tailgating and panic dude so that 30 mile road from dc to uh up to down to manassas, it's completely blocked hey, man, not much has changed.
Speaker 1:Dog traffic yeah they're on route 66. Literally it's a bumper to bumper traffic onper traffic on.
Speaker 2:Route 66. Taking 66 to DC at rush hour 70,000 people retreating from the yeah.
Speaker 1:This is a fun name that they came for. They called it a mob scene and they called it the Great Skedaddle. That's what the Confederate newspapers called it.
Speaker 3:The Great Skedaddle.
Speaker 1:Which is such a funny way to describe civilians taking fucking artillery fire Great Skedaddle, it's just a great way to describe a war crime. It's just the Great.
Speaker 2:Skedaddle A bunch of poop in their britches.
Speaker 1:Here's a fun one. Congress Alfred Ellie of New York was actually captured by Confederate cavalry while trying to flee, and he would be later held in Libby Prison in Richmond and became something of a war celebrity, according to ChatGPT. One thing to know about these Confederate prisons and also the Union prisons very early on they run out of food and so they stop sending food to these places because they have to prioritize getting food to the troops, the war prisons during this time. You see pictures of people who survive the war prisons because they're in there. A lot of troops are getting taken in, like 1860. So they're going to sit throughout the entire war, from like 1861 to 1864, in a prison with no food. They they're in work labor camps. It's fucking brutal and what ends up happening is a lot of them like it becomes a full-blown holocaust. Like the, the. The people become so skinny like it's a fucking disaster yeah, imagine getting god in the first fucking battle.
Speaker 1:Dude, that's a tough pill to swallow do you even tell people you were in the civil war at that point I mean you probably try to keep that secret. First battle you were in the civil war at that point.
Speaker 2:I mean you probably try to keep that secret first battle, you're in the one that we lost and you got captured immediately, immediately, just chilled in the south you're not really a war hero.
Speaker 1:You're just eating fried chicken every day and then suddenly the food runs out and you get no food for like they probably got fucked but. But I mean, is it that much worse eating northern food versus like just having a few good southern meals once in a while? You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Because you're eating mostly like cornmeal and bullshit in the south.
Speaker 1:They're like cooking up raccoon tail and you're just fucking you're having the best time. You're like, how the fuck did you fry raccoon tail? And they're like it's an old family recipe, we just put it together. I'm staying dude. Um, civilians are trampled uniform confusion. I think I fucking kind of explained that. Uh, here's a fun moment during that friendly fire. Um, one of the most famous incidents is union captain charles griffin sees a bunch of troops advancing on his position and he tells command. He's like, hey, I think someone's coming up like our flank. And he gets commands. He goes no, no, no, that's union troops.
Speaker 2:And he keeps going no, I think it's not union troops let me send a messenger down to the fucking guy who's like a mile down the road to get reinforcements on these guys who are coming right now, yeah they look bad. It's like when you think about this shit you know and we talk about oh, they were so disorganized. You're like well, these fucking idiots weren't prepared no walkie talkies no walkie talkies. Yeah, what do you do?
Speaker 1:send a telegram yeah, first of all, just try using a walkie talkie. When somebody's sending artillery fire at you, you know what I mean. Like, think about how much you would panic if there was just like a helicopter dropping like rockets, just firing those at your position and you're in the rubble of a house trying to like fucking relay information with a walkie-talkie. But now imagine, instead of a walkie-talkie you have to use a flag.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a flag or send some fucking like 17 year old or I go tell him run and it's been 10 minutes. All right, he's probably dead. He's probably dead, fucking guy. Yeah, and you just keep sending guys hoping something happens.
Speaker 1:You're waving a flag. You have to assume that somebody's looking at you with binoculars, because if they're not looking at you with binoculars, they can't see your flag. Like that flag could be like nah, it's cool. Or that flag could be like holy shit, dude, shit's going down or they would sing like fucking songs yeah, like with drums they would use drums yankee doodle yeah was that yankee doodle?
Speaker 1:was that yankee doodle or was that? Was that welcome to the jungle by guns and roses? I can't welcome to the jungle, is their pump-up song. Yankee doodle means that a retreat's coming, yeah that would have been your job, bro that actually that was their hype music. That's how you would get excited to go into battle. You had to listen to that bullshit.
Speaker 2:Some of that shit on to this day, yeah some of those things you ever hear, those remixes too uh huh no no I haven't heard of him. They'll get like a Civil War fucking song, but then put some fucking EDM fucking beat on it and it's just like.
Speaker 1:Yankee Doodle Danny. Is that Daddy Yankee, Daddy Yankee baby. Daddy Yankee made a Yankee Doodle Danny. That's where he got the name.
Speaker 2:First Battle of Manassas. Yeah, it was actually his ancestor.
Speaker 1:Great-great-grandfather was a drummer boy for the 16th new jersey, but so he wasn't in the first battle. The reason that they came up on them is jackson had uh had changed all of his men's coats to. The virginians were wearing blue coats, so they thought that they were union troops. And jackson came up the hill and took the main artillery, like barrage, the battery, that's what they call it. They, he took the main artillery battery of uh who was the guy that I said he was um, it was the 69th new york brigade. And he comes up and they take uh, they take the charles griffin, they take his, his troops, he goes. I heard the crackle of musketry behind us and saw blue jackets failing falling. I thought the he goes. And they didn't know that they were fucking Confederate troops until they were like all right, now go ahead and put them guns down.
Speaker 1:And they were like oh, son of a bitch Fucking.
Speaker 2:Jackson Genius put on blue Genius dude, that could backfire though it does end up backfiring later.
Speaker 1:Spoiler alert about Jackson that ends up becoming a huge problem for General Stonewall Jackson. So Stonewall Jackson takes that hill For General Stonewall Jackson. So Stonewall Jackson takes that hill and before that he's just General Jackson. When he takes that hill and holds it, turns the guns because the troops finally realized the reinforcement troops finally realized that it was Confederate troops wearing blue jackets. They send the reinforcement troops. Stonewall Jackson holds them at that hill, gets all of the cannons turned around and starts firing on those Union troops and basically cuts the Union army in half. And that's why they say they called him a stone wall, because his men looked up and Jackson is on a horse holding one of his arms up.
Speaker 1:If you can't see what I'm doing, then go to the YouTube channel. But General Jackson is holding one of his arms up because he thinks he gets better circulation to his brain if he keeps one of his arms above his head. So he's trying to get more blood flow to his brain so he can operate and so he gets the nickname uh stonewall from that, which is just genuinely the most autistic way to get a fucking that's just, that's just science.
Speaker 2:Man, you know, raise that arm up that's it.
Speaker 1:This is a good time to get into stonewall jackson, because he is the weirdest guy on the fucking planet. This is not from any of the research I've done. This is from a book that I read one time about Stonewall Jackson A lot of his students, I believe. He was a teacher at VMI, virginia Military Institute, not at what's it called West Point. Yeah.
Speaker 2:VMI.
Speaker 1:I believe he was at VMImi and he would be giving instruction and what the classes liked to do was they would ask him a question or interrupt him in some way and he would just stop talking and he would shut down and he would turn and stare at the chalkboard because he was trying to figure out the problem and all of the people who were in his class would just leave. And so then, like 20 minutes later, he'd turn around and be like okay, I got the answer and everyone was gone.
Speaker 1:So this is the, the confederate hero. He's a complete fucking weirdo religious zeal. He's obsessed with the idea of divine providence classic protestant fucking idiot uh. And he is completely believes that god has determined, uh, that he will not die in battle. So he becomes completely fearless because he's like, unless god commands it, I will not die in battle. So he becomes completely fearless because he's like, unless God commands it, I can't die in battle. He thought one of his arms was longer than the other. So that's why he was raising that arm over his head is because he was trying to balance the blood flow.
Speaker 1:He would stand like this, like a Z. He would just have one arm like this, all the time trying to balance his blood. Oh shit. He also was famous for sucking on lemons.
Speaker 1:Love lemons he would just genuinely just be sucking on lemons all the time. So Confederate soldiers also started sucking on lemons because they were like man, this shit really works. Also, sleepwalk. It's said that he would walk miles in his sleep and even issue orders in his dreams. So all of a sudden he'd pop up in the middle of the night the general of your army. Right, he's leading like 10,000 men. He just fucking, right out of bed, start walking around giving commands to the troops, who would then start fucking filing it out. Walk around like miles, come back, tent, go to sleep, wake up. All of the troops have like woken up. They're doing all the shit that he told him to do. He wakes up. He's like what are you guys doing? And they're like we're doing he told us to to take all of the guns and see if we could whittle them into wooden dildos to stick up our ass. And he's like oh no, I said that while I was sleeping. I didn't want us to do that oh, brother, that was god's command that was.
Speaker 2:That's a guy just loves to lead man. He can't help himself. Yeah, he's a leader.
Speaker 1:He's, he's an odd man he's a war man yep, um, utterly fearless. That's pretty much it about him. Um, pretty fucking interesting guy I don't really have anything else to say about they got a statue there.
Speaker 2:They do. That's the Manassas Battlefield big statue, him and all the big horse and they will never take that one down.
Speaker 1:So then the great skedaddle happens. Pgt Beauregard captures a bunch of Union troops during this battle. They put them all in these horrific prison camps, basically like the fucking Holocaust.
Speaker 2:The cool things you can do at manassas battlefield.
Speaker 1:One of them is the henry weed. With your boys, you can smoke weed with your boys if you're from thailand. It is legal in virginia. Now you can smoke weed and walk around the battlefield and literally pretend like you're in the civil war. That's one of the coolest things you can do is just be like oh shit, dude, I'm getting shot at, you know while you're high, go look at the fences.
Speaker 2:I like that about the all those civil war the fences they got the fences up. Still the way they do the fences back then. Yeah, it's a nice touch.
Speaker 1:They look sick, dude and you imagine like that was their version of bob barbed wire. You'd be running and you'd get to that wooden fence, you're like how the fuck am I gonna get over that you?
Speaker 2:gotta understand that black people and exactly they're not jumping over they, couldn't jump over them and they were short as fuck yeah, average height of a confederate soldier at the time is like five foot five and these guys are on horses, little guys dude, they're not getting, they're malnourished.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's the thing about the confederate troops is, the argument that they make is that the slaves are oftentimes way better fed than the confederate troops. And so the confederate troops? Because the rich people are not fighting in the war, right, because they're paying for people to take over their volunteer force. So all of the people who are fighting to keep slavery, only less than 2% of them owned slaves. So somewhere between 98% and 99% of the Confederate troops are poor farm boys who are being fed so little that they're 5'5" the average height of the slaves are like 6 feet tall, because if you don't eat food you don't get tall. So you've got the slaves, who are obviously having a bad time.
Speaker 1:Once again, thailand. We're not saying they weren't having a bad time. It's not sick, although I don't know the slavery culture in Thailand, so maybe they're fine with it. But those southern guys are fucking pissed because they're like why the fuck am I fighting this war? And they have to keep doing this propaganda of like. Don't forget, they fucking invaded us. You boys go up there and die. Good for them, so I can keep on picking cotton here in South Carolina and growing tobacco down here in fucking North Carolina, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like why the fuck are we in Pennsylvania? Why am I here and you had to walk there? Yeah.
Speaker 1:You didn't even have a horse at the time. Five years, five years just walking back and forth between manassas and northern pennsylvania. It's a far walk. Okay, interesting things. You have the henry house. That's judith henry's house. She's an 85 year old widow.
Speaker 2:This is some shit they made up, dude. What this whole story about this house? Or the people you think so it just seems too good to be true to me.
Speaker 1:What do you know about it?
Speaker 2:The fact that this person owns a house in Manassas just so happens to be in the middle of the fucking battlefield, to the point where they get a cannonball through the fucking house 85-year-old woman wakes up. Cannonball shoots through her fucking house, but didn't she never leave or something Didn't leave, she't she pops?
Speaker 1:up. Just like what in the hell is that?
Speaker 2:and just cannonballs start ripping through her house maybe I'm conflicting with another guy, but some guy I maybe was the guy owned it, his, her son or something who owns. Yeah, there's two houses so the guy's house who he owns, the house in manassas yeah war in manassas. Let me not fucking live in manassas right now. This is like the hottest part of the war yeah so richmond uh-huh appomattox courthouse yeah so the war starts at his house yeah, he has to leave and there's a cannonball through it, and then they sign the treaty to end the war at his other house no shit.
Speaker 1:Appomattox courthouse. Are you fucking for real? Okay, so that must be the matthews house. So you got the matthews house on matthews hill and then you got the hens House on Matthews Hill and then you've got the Henry House on Henry Hill, because this is the Piedmont, which is the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. That's where the Appalachian Mountains start, is in Manassas, and right on the other side you've got the Bull Run Mountains and then on the other side of that you've got the Rolling Piedmont up until you get to the Appalachian Hills. So this is like very hilly ground, hilly territory so you're walking up a lot of hills.
Speaker 1:If you're going to manassas battlefields this day, if you're high, it does suck. But she gets a cannonball right through her fucking house. They shell her house, ends up killing her. Um, and then you see, so that's the first. She's known, uh, as the first civilian casualty of the civil war. Union cannonball hits her, the south reinforces the house. I think what ends up happening is the union takes the house, they're hit out in the house, shooting out from the house, and the south then comes in and starts just fucking shelling that house.
Speaker 2:Holds them down gets them out of there using civilians homes as cover that really is afghanistan.
Speaker 1:At that point there was a point where uh, virginia was actually afghanistan. All right, cannons on the battlefield are they original? Yes, there's a lot of uh original canyons that are still on the uh on the battlefield they just never moved them cannons yeah, they just left those.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like that too. They leave the cannons out there and I'm always looking at these how the these things don't work. Yeah, like, where do you put anything in? Yeah, you got to unscrew this thing and put a big stick in it it's and literally try to like load.
Speaker 1:I mean you're just an italian guy from new york, you're just like what am I gonna fucking do? I gotta fucking load the fucking cannon, I gotta give it the boom, boom, boom, the five booms. Like that's actually where those fucking tiktok families, the boom boom family, the costco boys, that's where they. It was actually the costco boys slogan of boom, boom, boom, five big booms. That's actually the battle cry of the 69th New York regiment?
Speaker 2:Yes, they were. He was part of the artillery, yeah.
Speaker 1:Which fucking sick to be the 69th regiment, the 69th. Yeah, you think, like even back then they kind of laughed about it.
Speaker 2:I don't know if they got that high.
Speaker 1:You don't think they had invented 69 yet like 69ing?
Speaker 2:They definitely invented 69 by then. I don't know if they had a name for it. There's no way. They probably had a different name. Probably had a sicker name the Beast with two backs. The Beast yeah. They're just fucking upies and downies.
Speaker 1:Yeah, upies and downies, 69ing at that point in history probably the most disgusting thing you could do.
Speaker 2:Yeah especially during the Civil War. But if you're italian you're gonna fucking do it.
Speaker 1:You're right, because even now italian women don't smell that much different than they did in the 1800s and you know, those union boys were a little, yeah, a little like I kind of kind of like the fumes, yeah, they kind of like the smell they kind of like hooking up with guys so you think they were when they were 69, and it wasn't a woman, they were 69. I mean, in the heat of battle.
Speaker 2:Heat of battle. This might be my last battle.
Speaker 1:I got to suck one more dude off.
Speaker 2:I haven't talked to my. I'm writing letters to my wife. I barely even know how to write, yeah.
Speaker 1:That might be, and if you did know how to write back, then you were kind of gay, like if you wrote in that flowery language like cursive just looks gay like as a hand form and if you're right it like my dearest judith, like that's.
Speaker 2:that's somebody who doth protest too I know, I love, I love it. They think that, but people have this idea like civil war letters are so eloquent, like I yeah 90 of those aren't even fucking english. You wouldn't even be able to put it together when the guy doesn't yeah, yeah, like.
Speaker 2:Like please make sure you put a peach in the peach, can yeah like hey, he's like just writing his cousin who he's saying is hot, he's trying to marry his cousin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've read shit like that. He's spitting riz at his cousin. I remember reading like civil war letters from a specific regiment uh, I guess it was mississippi. No, it was virginia. It was a virginia, I think it was, because like someone on my ancestrycom was in it.
Speaker 2:So I was like, looked at it, they have these like historical, historical sketches about it and you can read them online and they'll just have letters from people in it yeah and this guy was writing his cousin like it was a, not a back and forth. You only got his end of it, but he was like trying to marry his cousin.
Speaker 1:Yeah, throughout the war, the sweet aroma of your rose bush is what keeps me going during these trying times you have the finest address I'd ever seen. I would pay anything if I could come back to fucking charlotte county bend your knees over top of my chest and pop out a dirt snake the size and trail length of robert e Highway. I would be most obliged.
Speaker 2:Oh, it was literally gibberish. The guy doesn't know how to write barely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it just looked cool.
Speaker 2:But then she ended up getting married To him. No, to some guy. He's like I got word of your wedding.
Speaker 1:He was a gentleman about it of course Pretty bummed out.
Speaker 2:He was a gentleman about it, but he was hitting on his cousin pretty fucking hard in his letters.
Speaker 1:Pissed that she took a husband Just like I mean, why would you go on and marry, Especially to find out that it was Shady Dog Crawdad McCoy, my bestest friend since the grade of first Married one?
Speaker 2:of the Duke brothers. Yeah, golly, mother's probably rolling in her grave right now.
Speaker 1:Mother's probably rolling in her grave clutching at her pearls. Daddy buried her in here. I was thinking that we would unite our great housing families and make sure that our last names remained pure.
Speaker 2:What have I been doing all this fighting for, if I can't even fuck my cousin when I get back? I can't even fuck my cousin, dude, you get home.
Speaker 1:That is one of the sad parts about the Civil War is that the Confederates do uh afterwards. There's a lot of shame about being a part of the Confederacy and uh maybe as there should be, but they do not.
Speaker 1:Nobody likes a loser. Um, there's a famous story I forget who it is. I think I read this from um fuck, who did I get this from? There's a I think it might've been Harry Truman there. I think it's Harry Truman. He comes home, who's from Missouri, but that's. That's kind of like a little bit. That's the South. Back then, cause Missouri and Kansas fought against each other. That's where, like those, that's the dividing line of slavery.
Speaker 1:So Missouri is big slave state at the time, but I believe it's Harry Truman or one of the presidents comes home and he's all excited because he's in his like dapper, uh, air, air force uniform. This is right before World War II. And so he's all like pumped up. He's like, oh, I'm gonna like look so good, maybe it's World War, I'm pretty sure it's World War II. And he comes home in his little uniform and the air force uniform is blue and he goes to see his grandmother in the blue uniform and she just goes. Well, by god, I guess I can good and die now, now that my only grandson is wearing a union colors so like there's hatred that goes from the south all the way up to world war ii I mean, that's less than 100 years
Speaker 2:yeah it's 80 years, that's like one generation yeah people were still alive from the civil war.
Speaker 1:Yep so your great-grandmother back then it's probably your great but like your great grandmother would see you in your fucking. You know, yankee doodle dandies like wearing your your blue uniform after you join the military and be pissed you want to throw up, you want to throw up.
Speaker 2:You're like you're supposed to wear fucking gray dude, you can't wear blue I mean it's honestly insane to think that how many people from the south like that, like, fought in like world war one yeah like not that many years later no, it's 50 years later what are you gonna do? There's a war? I'm not, I'm not a bitch, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna fucking go at the end of the day.
Speaker 1:That's what it comes down to.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna make it that's what it comes down to. It's like I'm not a bitch, I not going to not fight in the war.
Speaker 1:I got to fight in the fucking war.
Speaker 2:I don't think all these guys are really that set on having slaves. I'm sure they weren't pro-slaves though. Well, they were pro-slavery but not pro-slaves. They were more probably pro-getting pussy and knew if they didn't join the reg they weren't going to get nothing from the cousin. Imagine being the one cousin who stayed home.
Speaker 1:That happens a ton in World War I. I don't know about World War II, but in World War I they have this famous. It's a little bit more of a British thing, but what they would go around is in World War I, if you stayed home and didn't join the war effort because at that point I think it's something like 40 percent of british men not of fighting age men, like 40 percent of british men joined world war one. So women, if you stayed home and you were like somewhat of age, like you could somehow make it they would go around and they'd put a white lily in your, in your shirt, jacket, right, because you're thinking like, oh, I'm the only man left in town, I'm gonna get a lot of, and so the women would go around and they would give you a white lily and that meant, oh, you're gay, you didn't fucking go to war.
Speaker 2:And so then everybody would know You're gay. You didn't go die for no reason at all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, everybody would know you're gay. You didn't go fight the Germans and die for no reason.
Speaker 2:So you know, at the end of the day is it women?
Speaker 1:that cause uh, that cause wars kind of feels like they sure don't help. All right, I think that's pretty much everything from the battle, so let's do. This will be the last part. This will be like the aftermath. Should we talk about jackson's death in this one, or should we wait for the battle of chancellorville? We could probably do an entire episode just about jackson whatever you want let's add in just jackson's death.
Speaker 1:So there is a myth in the civil in the south and in the civil war especially, there's a myth that jackson was shot while he was sleepwalking. So at the battle of chancellorville, stonewall, jackson is like the eccentric genius as weird as he is, he's the entire engine of the confederate army, he won manassas.
Speaker 1:He won manassas he's a hero, pgt beauregard, very shortly after the battle of manassas, loses all favor. Um, because at the battle of shiloh he, uh, he traps general grant, who is making his first appearance in the war. He traps general grant Grant in a thorn bush. And so General Grant's men are stuck in this thicket of trees and PGT Beauregard surrounds it in the middle of the night and instead of going in there and fucking rooting them out, he writes a letter to the Confederate commander and says today I have won a great victory. Tomorrow I shall secure it. And he's going to go in there and capture Grant. And in the middle of the night Grant sneaks out with a bunch of other people and they get out of there. And that is like the big fucking failure of PG-2 Beauregard. And he loses. Like nobody respects him after that. Like he was originally the hero of the South, like he does Fort Sumter, he does Battle of Manassas. They're like man, this guy's sick. And so now, after the Battle of Shiloh, which is literally three weeks later so imagine being famous for literally three weeks Three weeks later he completely fucks it. And then everybody starts switching over and being like you know what? You know who's actually sick? General Stonewall Jackson. Stonewall. Jackson becomes the eponymous genius of Stonewall. Everyone's fucking like this guy's the coolest guy ever.
Speaker 1:After a battle in Chancellorsville, which is where my hunting club is and I did watch a guy in my hunting club, it was my first day there they were driving dogs, so they were chasing the dogs were chasing the deer. But on the other side of that you need men pushing the dogs and it's in a big thicket, just like general Grant was stuck in. So the woods are thick in fucking Virginia and in Tennessee in the South. So you've got these big thick woods and so you're you're pushing the dogs to get them to go through the thicket so that they'll chase after the deer, cause the dogs don't really want to. And then, once they see the deer because the dogs don't really want to, and then once they see the deer, they get all excited. And so once they chase the deer towards you, you start shooting at them and I just hear on the walkie talkies right, fucking friendly fire like oh my god, stop shooting.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, stop shooting and what had happened is one of the brothers with buckshot, so it only travels like 100 yards by the time it gets to you. It's probably not that bad had fucking shot his brother and his brother fucking hits the ground like duck bullets flying over his head. Dude, he fucking pulls up his shirt. He's just tattered with fucking buckshot like these giant welts on him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he got stonewalled in this thicket of trees. So that's probably why BGG Beauregard didn't want to go in there. It's because it's pretty easy to friendly fire each other and also you'd get fucked up if you're trying to chase somebody out of a thicket. So it's not like somebody was standing in like a national forest, you know where you can kind of like look down and see him. It's like this is like thick, scrub bush trees and shit and so that that that is where pgt beauregard loses all favor. Chancellorsville stonewall does something sick. Um, I forget what he does. Oh, he does the boldest flanking maneuver in military history Smashing the Union flank under General OO Howard. We'll do that when we actually talk about the Battle of Chancellorsville, but that's what he does. And then that night he's walking around the woods, dense, narrow woods. He's walking around looking for different people, people trying to see like if, if they're going to get attacked at night, um, whether or not, like he's just like kind of planning out the battle but they ran.
Speaker 1:They ran a fucking mission at night, yeah, and he's running back afterwards. He's running back afterwards and he has this habit of like mumbling to himself while he's walking. So somebody thinks it's just like a lost union soldier. And he keeps like calling out to him and nobody fucking, uh, nobody does anything. And so then they're just like a lost union soldier. And he keeps like calling out to him and nobody fucking, uh, nobody does anything. And so then they're just like fuck it. So they shoot him and it hits his left arm and his right hand because he's walking through the woods like this, so fucking, he's walking in that z formation and it fucking clips his arm, blows his fucking arm off and, like we said, there's no real doctors, right, it's just a guy who literally just fingered his own asshole, just digging in this fucking bullet hole.
Speaker 2:It gets infected, ends up killing him yeah, dude, that is a tough way to go down, man, that's a tough way, and they won the battle right.
Speaker 1:They won.
Speaker 2:It won that one transferville they lost stonewall brother. They sent him to the fucking hospital that. Imagine being the guy that shot stonewall jackson oh my God, you feel like such a dumbass Dude. I was literally a few months ago. I was like I was thinking about what if I shot Stonewall Jackson? I mean, I live it every day. I think about if I find that fucker who did it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, his relatives.
Speaker 2:I'll fuck him up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because look what he. Well, we don't want the South to have won, just because you can have a little bit of sympathy and respect for what the Confederates did as the underdog. It's just like the story of Rocky At the end of the day, you do want the movie Rocky to be able to happen, which can only happen if the Confederates lose. Yeah, you need a bad guy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you got to have a bad guy. You need a bad guy.
Speaker 1:Wait, are you saying that Apollo Creed's the bad guy? I guy wait. Are you saying that apollo creed's the bad guy?
Speaker 2:I never saw that movie in the civil war all I'm saying is and I said this last I was on this pod. You know, I'm a virginian through and through, right gotta respect stonewall.
Speaker 1:Gotta respect robert e lee, born and bred I'm like a 10th generation virginia.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if we just would have fucking went with the mountain people and went with the north, the west virginia, we would have had a bigger state. West virginia would have been still part of the squad because shut up these fucking slave owners in the fucking tidewater. Yeah suck my dick suck my dick, yeah you're getting us in a lot of trouble right now right ignored them. Yeah said go, fucking go to georgia or whatever the fuck.
Speaker 1:And when stonewall jeb stewart and robert e lee, all from like that mountain region that we could have just said you know what west virginia slash virginia versus the world I mean dog.
Speaker 2:I mean they would have been down. Yeah, they would have been with the union boys, the va was with it, yeah, and we would have some more, but it's five days.
Speaker 1:It would have been five days because the virginia is the only thing that keeps it going and it's mainly a war fought about invading virginia.
Speaker 1:It's mainly people just being like who the fuck is telling us to do what. That's not gonna happen. So you know, I mean you can't. There's nothing worse than somebody from the north coming down and telling you what to do. Oh yeah, I mean, there's nothing worse than a fucking wasp coming down and telling you how to live your life, even if you don't even agree with the people that they're talking to. You're like well, why don't you shut the fuck up?
Speaker 2:you know, yeah, well, you got, you got a book, oh sweet book idiot book and glasses you fucking nerd.
Speaker 1:You pencil pushing bitch you can't even bait a hook. Yeah, you can't, yeah yeah, can't even skin a buck or run a trot line this elicits that's grant guy yeah, he actually is sick. No one can. No one can hate on grant. Um, so now manassas virginia to this day I think we kind of talked about its history got a checkers pretty cool checkers got a checkers.
Speaker 1:Um, got a cracker barrel across from a Golden Corral. That is as you enter into the battlefield. There is like a, it's like a gateway, it's like a tunnel where you've got. You have to drive between a Golden Corral and a Cracker.
Speaker 2:Barrel. Yeah, you go through all the whatever that, whatever they call that section of town where it's just every fast food place you can put in one area, because it's right next to the highway. And place you can put in one area, because it's right next to the highway and then people can get 17 gas stations, 17 fast food, movie theater to regal cinemas I think it's going out of business but shout out shit. Yeah, great place to get a bite to eat, and then you go down a little further.
Speaker 1:I saw adam sandler's eight crazy nights in regal cinema I remember I was with my mom's. I was with my friend's mom. My friend took me and his mom was there and I remember I was slurping my uh, I was trying to get something out of my slurpee and I was like kind of doing that noise and she goes would you stop? That like that to me, and that was the first time I realized like my friend's moms could be bitches.
Speaker 1:I'll never forget that kellen, I don't remember your last name. Kellen, I fucking hate you and I hate your fat mom. Dude, if I ever fucking saw you person, I'd punch you straight in the face, dude.
Speaker 2:If South won, there would be no Eight Crazy Nights, it's true. So it's like I don't know.
Speaker 1:I've heard some things about the Jews and owning slaves. I'm not going to get into it on this podcast. That'll probably be a follow-up episode. There's some rumors, the Patreon. So did you know this? Forget the Golden, the golden corral and the cracker barrel, which, when you go between those, you do enter a time portal. There's something about a golden corral and a in a cracker barrel, directly across from each other, that as you drive through it, it's you just be.
Speaker 1:You go into the past. All of a sudden, stonewall jackson is in the car with you. Dude, it's fucking wild. But they were gonna build a disney america. In 1993 this was right after I was born I was not in manassas at this point I'm in woodbridge, uh and it was intended to be a 3 000 acre theme park celebrating american history, located right there, about two miles from manassas national battlefield. Um yeah, disney world in manassas.
Speaker 1:So it was, I mean I'm assuming it would have been disney world manassas, so it was. I mean, I'm assuming it would have been Disney World Manassas. I'm assuming it would have been like Mickey Mouse in a Confederate, like uniform.
Speaker 2:You know, if you go to Etsy, I bet they have. There is someone in virginia or tennessee making fucking mickey mouse.
Speaker 1:Who's a disney character that would be in the south, probably foghorn leghorn he already has the accent. Well, I said, I said, I said he would have been like the plantation owner, you know he's got foghorn, leghorn doing like plantation shit I don't know the disney stuff. I know the disney stuff is racially charged there was an era in disney where they were doing some pretty racially charged fucking drawings.
Speaker 2:If you get the Disney World, you could make a nice Civil War out of those characters.
Speaker 1:You got Mickey Mouse with his arms fucking like this. He's doing full Stonewall Jackson, he's in a Confederate uniform.
Speaker 2:And then you got who are the POC Disney princesses now?
Speaker 1:All of them, so the whole princesses versus the new princesses.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:South versus this new school, fucking foreigner shit.
Speaker 1:I like to think that here was one of the craziest fucking things I thought. Prominent historians expressed concerns that the park would commercialize and oversimplify complex aspects of American history, such as slavery and the Civil War. So I'm assuming that at some point Disney pitched like doing Goofy as a slave. I'm assuming that when they rolled this plan out they just had Goofy will be like oh shucksucks. And everybody was like what the fuck?
Speaker 2:dude. No, I just love this. We got to get kids into history somehow I love thinking of, like the daughters of the confederacy, being like no, this is gonna be good like this is gonna get kids into the civil war. They're in, learn about their heritage and they're gonna be racist and have confederate flags in their front yard.
Speaker 1:You imagine them trying to tear down a disney confederate statue you do it, you couldn't do it, you can't do it.
Speaker 2:They would still be standing Because it's privately owned, privately owned.
Speaker 1:You can't take down Mickey Mouse on top of a horse standing like a stone wall dude With Goofy and fucking shackles behind him. It's fucking nuts that they were going to try to address slavery in Disney Manassas. I mean, I cannot, fucking get over that shit. Disney World Manassas Now we have a Checkers instead, and if you're in Thailand, you probably don't understand what the Daughters of the? You have the Daughters of the American Revolution and then you also have the Daughters of the. What is it? The Daughters of the Confederacy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then Mothers Against Junk Driving. Those are the big three, and all of those women are interchangeable.
Speaker 1:Their beliefs are slightly different, like what they meet about, but mostly they just bitch and complain.
Speaker 2:That's their main job. I mean, they got women in Thailand, right yeah, imagine putting them all in one room. They start making plans and shit, and then you give them controlled textbooks.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they start being like well, maybe we should have given the right to vote to women earlier and you're just sitting there like I don't know I've met women.
Speaker 2:that doesn't sound right yeah, but the daughters of the confederacy are some weird shit. Yeah, they're doing trad life.
Speaker 1:That's the original trad life daughters.
Speaker 3:They're trying to get women not to be able to vote. Yeah, yeah, they're trying to go back, back, yeah that's their main goal is to go backwards.
Speaker 1:I want to knit yeah, yeah why the fuck do I have to work now can you imagine like this is how fucking. This is how discontented women get is. Women had a setup where they didn't have to pay for anything, they didn't have to work. All they had to do was look over the kids from ages one to five, right after that, the kids in school, public school you don't even have to fucking pay for it, and then you get a fat check. You get to cook all day. You get to hang out. What do you got to do? You got to clean once in a while, okay, maybe. But they invented the dishwasher. They invented the oven. All of those are inventions. You think men wanted a dishwasher? They don't give a fuck about having a. We had to invent those because our wives would not fucking leave us alone. Well, that was the problem. They invent all this shit and then they got bored Washing machine. What are they going to do? An iron and so women. Just they ran out of shit to do.
Speaker 2:That's what you're thinking. I think they got bored.
Speaker 1:We have to go back. So if you are going to have to get rid of your washing machine and dishwasher, because otherwise your wife is going to get bored, or if your country's thinking about industrialization. Anyway, don't do it yeah, stone age, yep, stone age. Keep it that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe they just got bored and we're like this I want to go to the city hall sewing machines. He gets to go to the city hall meeting and, yep, stone age. Yeah, I mean, maybe they just got bored and we're like, fuck this shit, I want to fucking go to the city hall sewing machines. He gets to go to the fucking city hall meeting and like vote for street name he gets to.
Speaker 1:He gets to name it. Fucking. Uh, general robert e lee high school, I want to get to name shit. What the fuck? And that's what the daughters of the confederacy literally did.
Speaker 2:They made a group and then named every single fucking thing they could based on.
Speaker 1:Started building statues, which there is a weird misconception that people think that the reason Confederate statues started popping up in the 1960s was in response to the Civil Rights Act, and maybe that's true, but I would also say that the 1960s also happened to coincide with the centennial of the american civil war, so maybe for the hundred year anniversary they also started putting up statues. That's like one of those goofy like new york times 1619, project 1619, where they're like and dan, they did. The white man decided to put this is a white woman, by the way, talking in this accent.
Speaker 1:And then the white man decided to put up statues of his ancestors and what they did to us, and there's like a black woman being like are you sure it's not, are you sure it's not? Because it's the hundred year anniversary. And he's like well, hold up queen. That's a white woman again going. Well, hold up queen. And the black woman's like no, please don't talk like that, please stop doing that accent. So that's a fun fact you can take into your school and argue with your high school teachers, because I know a lot of Gen Z really likes this podcast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bring that into the college classroom.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I remember we did a class about slavery. Literally is northern virginia community college teacher professor. He know he knew his stuff. He knew a lot about slavery it was a class about. It was a. I don't know if it was a class about slavery or just a class about american history and it was the era of the civil war, and he basically was like this is pretty much a class about slavery, like yeah, and he was very much like the civil war was like 99 about slavery, yeah it was very much about slavery and there was a 99% about slavery.
Speaker 1:It was very much about slavery. That just sounds like a guy who's fetishizing slavery. That sounds like a guy who's like a little too into slavery. He's like, ooh, they used to put him in chains and they'd whip him and it was really naughty and you're like what the fuck am I? Am I learning history right now, or are you about to cum?
Speaker 2:Bro, this guy was on some weird shit because he we did his lesson and we covered the n-word in this lesson, did he say it? So yeah, he's saying the n-word. And he's like is he saying the n-word? He's saying hard, r pronouncing it out loud white guy white dude, but he was a professor, so he has the card. You know you don't know this, but like if you go through that level education yeah, give you the pass.
Speaker 1:What the fuck are you talking about? Nba? So you got the pass, bro. Let it rip. I can let it rip, I can say the n word because I have an nba yes, if you get a master's degree, if you're in thailand, I want you to listen to joey delfield. Go ahead, so what?
Speaker 2:happens. According to this guy, I got an nba, I I got the pass, I can drop the N-word. You're not even a historian.
Speaker 1:You just have a business degree. You didn't even study history. You're literally talking about microeconomics, dropping the N-word, just being like, and what you Ns got to understand is this shit about opportunity costs. It's like, yeah, I could produce, I mean shit, I could make a lot of raisins.
Speaker 2:But you know, what I could also make is hip-hop shout out to my and then everyone's like what the fuck?
Speaker 3:yeah this guy's is like actually kind of make, he's making that you know assertion like I. This is an academic setting.
Speaker 2:I'm an academic professor like I, for academic reasons, will be using the n-word throughout this lesson holy shit, I gotta start saying that before my stats, before I do stand up, if you preface it listen it's coming yeah. Don't be a lot. I have a degree.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I learned about this word.
Speaker 2:We, we did, we did a whole semester on this word If anyone should be able to use it, it's me. I'm an expert on slavery and the N word, n-word. Why else do you think I'm teaching at northern virginia community college? I'm losing my mind in a core class for the fucking eight for freshmen uh-huh so this guy's, you know saying I'm gonna be using n-word, you know, please just be have some respect.
Speaker 1:Have some respect. Don't be mature yeah, be mature. This is academic and then he puts a do-rag on and he goes this is just. This is for academic settings. I'm putting this do-rag on for academic reasons, because I'm trying to get into a character piece.
Speaker 2:Mind you, this is community college, bro, it's not that serious. No but this is a diverse group of people. It's not just like private school.
Speaker 3:Rich white kids right, there are a lot of black people in this class.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you kind of got to respect his bravery and this is, I guess this is probably. This is 2016 or 17.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:This is you know. Cancel. Culture is coming around.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's starting.
Speaker 2:Jordan Peterson's fighting to.
Speaker 1:you know, To be able to say trans. This guy's fighting a real fucking battle. Jordan Peterson's over there being like I just don't want to say they, them, this guy's going. I need to be able to say the N word or I can't teach this fucking class. How the fuck am I going to teach this class if I can't drop a hard ER?
Speaker 2:I mean literally simultaneously, jordan Peterson's going viral because he's misgendering words and people are going to his classes protesting, chaining themselves to the desk, getting fired from university. This guy said Northern Virginia Community College is just dropping hard.
Speaker 3:R's Hard.
Speaker 2:R's and no one has an issue with it.
Speaker 1:For historical context. Jordan Peterson is actively going on the Joe Rogan experience and being like well, I don't know why I got to say they, them.
Speaker 3:You're not fucking plural. Okay, all I wanted to do was tell you guys to make your bed and all of a sudden I'm a fucking Nazi. Meanwhile, there's a guy in Northern Virginia Community College whose lectures I've been watching on YouTube and he gets to say the fucking N-word. What about that, justin Trudeau? Well, fuck off, justin Trudeau.
Speaker 2:So that's the difference between Canada.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And Virginia so that's the difference between canada, yeah, and virginia, so that maybe northern virginia is the south, yeah apparently dropping hard r's and a.
Speaker 1:It's one thing if the professor's doing it under an academic guy but there's one point, but it was too far when disney pulled mickey mouse, who does the exact same voice as jordan peterson, and they put mickey mouse in a southern uniform and he was like well, why don't all you fucking beep, why don't you beep Get over here, cause I've got some cotton to pick.
Speaker 2:I guarantee you, bro, disney world Manassas, you also get the pass there but that's in the parking lot, that's not in an academic setting but this guy. So this guy's teaching us about the n-word and, uh, I I do not remember what question he asked, but the answer to this question right is the n-word.
Speaker 1:Like in order, if you want to get this question right, you got to say the n-word if you're trying to buy crack on the streets and this motherfucker hitting you with, uh, he's trying to tell you. If you're trying to buy, trying to buy crack, he's trying to hit you with $38 for a rock. This is a white guy in Northern Virginia Community College wearing a do-rag and he goes. He says it's $38 for a rock. What are you going to say? Blank please. And then it's like A, the N-word B, beep.
Speaker 2:He has it spelled out. Yeah, you have two choices. Say the N-word or the actual word.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the actual word.
Speaker 2:He asked this question to the class, something about slavery, civil war, something and the answer was the N-word this white kid raises his hand.
Speaker 3:I got it.
Speaker 2:I got it no no, no, it was not like that. This kid was not overzealous hold on wait, call on me, call on me.
Speaker 1:He asked a question of like he's wearing a bass bro shop at. He's still wearing his coveralls.
Speaker 2:He just got out of a tree stand that morning if I was on the manassas campus, yeah, there would have. Hands would have been shot and shooting up everywhere. Everyone was gonna try to answer this question, yeah but this is annandale all right, so it's different so it's all asian kids no, they're not a community college. There's, yeah, the city, the city is a lot of asian people. They are not at community college. All right, it's, it's a couple.
Speaker 1:They're arguing over pronouns and you're on the front lines of the real culture wars so he answers the question is whatever it is and where?
Speaker 2:no one's raising their hand because no one wants to say the N word in front of the class and no one really wants to raise their fucking hand. Anyway, it's a college, it's a community college. No one's really that engaged. He asked the question, no one raised their hand. Finally, this kid goes. Yeah, I know, and then he goes the N word. And he goes. You can say it, man, he's like the kid's like what he's like. It's an academic setting, like you, don't just the guy's like what are you?
Speaker 2:talking about. Oh yeah, he's like the n-word, he's like academic setting, like it's fine.
Speaker 1:I need you to say it you're not gonna get full credit unless you, unless you say it with a hearty you are, unless you pronounce it with the fucking je ne sais quoi, that little southern beep. If you don't say it like that in a southern accent, you're not going to get full credit. And he denies it three times, like peter denying christ. He's doing his best to deny. He says before the cock crows, you will say the n-word.
Speaker 2:That's what the professor says it's literally a back and forth. He's, he's like, doesn't want to say it. Finally, he just says it in the most dejected way ever dude Drops the hard ER for academic reasons. Man, and that was probably the last time. I don't know if that maybe Did he drop the class. No, he's just said he probably felt empowered. He probably never stopped saying it after that.
Speaker 1:And then he would just keep going it's an academic setting, it's an academic he's working his warehouse job. Did I just get? I got the pass and they were like from your black friends. He's like no, from my history professor he was wearing a do-rag.
Speaker 2:I took history 105. I'm pretty much an expert in the n word. I got the pass, oh fuck man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what? What was the question? What ended up happening?
Speaker 2:he just said the n-word in front of everyone. Everyone was just like okay the fuck dude.
Speaker 1:There was a different, because that's 2017. That's kind of late. I remember when we read huckleberry finn and they were dropping it left and right or might have been adventures of tom sawyer. It was one of the two. I think it's's Huckleberry Finn because he's got blank Jim. He's got his sidekick, great Louis CK bit. You go watch it. Where he's like Jim is already a nickname.
Speaker 1:You didn't need to add that little juice on there. So the whole time we were doing popcorn reading for Huckleberry Finn and the fucking funniest bit you could do. I mean, this is an Irish Catholic school in, fucking, you know, in Woodbridge, right in front of Marumsco Plaza, so it's it's pretty white. And then there's we are. One teacher is Mrs Ferguson, so she's black, and every single time we would get to the world. You'd just be like popcorn reading, joey, and then you would have to lead with.
Speaker 3:You'd just be like popcorn reading joey, and then you would have to lead with I remember this kid saying it.
Speaker 2:When he said it goes literally like verbally, let's go a sigh and just drops the hearty r and I don't know, dude, his life probably changed forever.
Speaker 1:Like the power he must have felt, like, or like I just yeah, his eyes just lit up right after he was.
Speaker 2:Like I thought I wasn't gonna like that like he went home afterwards and no one even said anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah he's telling his parents and his dad's like I don't think that's a good idea and he's like, no, it's what I learned in college literally, it's just a word.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just a word. You can just say it mean, and it's literally free of speech.
Speaker 1:If Jordan Peterson found out that you could say the N-word in American institutions, he'd be so fucking fired up. He'd be like Justin Trudeau.
Speaker 3:we got people down in Annandale campus at Nova Community College. This guy's wearing a fucking do-rag, okay, saying who commits most of violent crimes in the DC metropolitan area. Blank, it's most of violent crimes in the DC metropolitan area. Blank, it's the blank. I mean holy shit man.
Speaker 1:I mean that is fucking unreal. That guy's a bad guy, that professor's a bad guy. Dude, that's genuinely. That's the type of shit where you're like maybe woke't gone far enough because we got to get guys like that out of teaching. There's no reason you couldn't just say the n-word that's fine.
Speaker 2:Everyone knew the answer was the n-word.
Speaker 1:It was an hard question. You just take a multiple choice test and every single answer, the starting a is always just him writing the n-word. He just got to write it so many times. What was the American Civil War fought over? A?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just every single question, no matter what it is. The N-Word is one of the choices. What?
Speaker 1:did the South think that the American Civil War was not about A?
Speaker 2:Yeah, what year was the Battle of Manassas? The N-Word A a, the n-word b 1861. What do you think, guys?
Speaker 1:the second one is 1862, which we'll cover in a different episode, because I'm sure that'll be fucking great, oh brother oh fuck dude you got? You got any closing notes about the civil war?
Speaker 2:nope in the battle of manassas. Oh fuck uh shit, dude, if good battle guys. You guys tried your best, everyone fought hard. I mean, we could, we could, you know, tighten a few things up yeah I think we learned that there was some organization but, like you know, the energy was there from both sides vibes were high yes, from both sides.
Speaker 2:I I like the energy. I think you guys, you guys fought hard from dusk till dawn, like you guys went after it, so after it let's see, let's fight this battle in one year from now, in august and let's fight the same battle in 1862 and let's see what happens and we'll cover that in another episode we'll see how the battlefield tactics have changed.
Speaker 1:Uh, where we're at in the civil war, um, and you know, other than that they have a nice day. I'm glad you guys got to learn something, see you guys, you can say it man.