Have A Nice Day
Typically right about everything. Eventually. Just give it a minute.
**New Episode Every Friday**
Please follow us on IG: @u_have_nice_day
Have A Nice Day
From the Ivory Coast to the Ivory Tower
man let me level with you. the audio is not great. we tried to use the phone recording app with iphone. audio will be better next week. but content wise. best thing we've made. Just enjoy and please listen to the whole thing before you dm D**thThr**ts
Episode Minutes:
- WoW
- Eating Utensils
- Charlize Theron
Do you have your headphones in?
Speaker 2:I do yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, what'd you say?
Speaker 2:I said when's the last time you watched Gangs of New York?
Speaker 1:You talking about the movie or are you talking about the thing that people send me on Instagram?
Speaker 2:You got it right in the subway. Yeah, no, the movie.
Speaker 1:It's been a bit. It's been a bit, I'd say it's been a bit, has it I know like? But been a bit, it's been a bit. I'd say it's been a bit. It has it, I know like. But I watched the kiki blinders so that's kind of the exact same thing.
Speaker 2:Ah no, it's, that's british. I mean exactly yeah, but like I, I get it I mean, we've talked a lot of new york we've talked about this a lot, with, with, with what's happening in europe lately, as of late, um, and they're not us, dude. So, gangs, new york is not peaky blacks, it's just. It's just, they're not us they'll never be us.
Speaker 2:That's actually one of their fundamental flaws, is they're not us yeah, it makes sense when you view it from the I don't remember who said this, but when you just view it from the perspective of like, uh, they're all the people that stayed, yeah yeah, I think that was, that was probably me, because I say pretty much everything that you repeat, um, but yeah, no, they are.
Speaker 1:They're the townies of the world. That's the craziest position you've ever taken on anything yeah, when you, when you see a british guy talking about saint paul's cathedral, that's the equivalent of uh, the guy who played quarterback in high school and never left and is like, yeah, so this is uh, this is the tasty freeze. I fingered the homecoming queen uh behind. Yeah, she overdosed on prescription pills.
Speaker 2:But it's just like it's so lame to hey dude close your computer.
Speaker 1:What do you mean? Are you on a computer right now? No, you've got an app open. Why do you say that? Because I can always tell when you have an app open.
Speaker 2:Why You're saying that you can sense that I'm distracted.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're distracted open why you can. You're saying that you can sense that I'm distracted. Yeah, you're distracted. What?
Speaker 2:are you distracted with? Why?
Speaker 1:because I'm just like a brilliant, you know no, because you're going to talk and you're going um and you're not talking. Yeah, you know that, my brother. Okay, so what? Okay, what did you have open? I?
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 1:I was playing world of warcraft yeah, um, okay, so that's not gonna. So that's not going to work, that's not going to work.
Speaker 2:You know my brother though. Okay, so I actually haven't talked about this.
Speaker 1:Have you paused World of Warcraft?
Speaker 2:There's no pausing World of Warcraft. It's a world.
Speaker 1:Okay, can you stop playing World of Warcraft?
Speaker 2:Yeah I could, yeah I could. I'm not going to record if you're not, if you're gonna, fine, I will you realize how intensive this is, though, to me, and the things that I need to accomplish, that's basically like the liberal point of view, it's basically like. It's basically like how they view uh being trans being trans I can't work at this CVS, do you realize? That my fucking vagina needs to be fucking stuffed full of fucking satin or whatever they make dicks out of.
Speaker 1:You're saying that being trans is similar to being a mage in World of Warcraft.
Speaker 2:I'm not a mage, you're like, I'm a level 38 mage.
Speaker 1:It's like, sir, stop jacking off in the woman's locker room.
Speaker 2:It is kind of it do, kind of be like that and, to your credit, not to give you any credit after what you just fucking said.
Speaker 1:Uh, about you know me just repeating everything that you say, but well, I had a hilarious riff about how saint paul's cathedral is the same as the guy being like yeah, I fucking fingered her at the back of the tasty freeze and you didn't. You had nothing. You know, there was nothing that you said well, maybe nothing, because you're literally sending fake fireballs at a fucking goblin.
Speaker 2:I can't cast fire. I'm not a mage but I, but I I also um, you know, this is a problem with you comics. You guys think that things are funny. They're not. That not everything is, haha, you know what do you mean?
Speaker 1:this is the problem with you I heard a noise.
Speaker 2:I heard a record noise.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I heard like a ding ding I wonder what that was.
Speaker 2:You know what that is. That's like the audio version of in the night at the roxbury, when the guy's like did you just grab my ass? It's like I'm on the other side of the room, sir, and he's like you, tricky bastard you how'd you touch my ass from there did? You grab my ass. That guy's always fucking going for my ass, um, but no, like what were we saying before that, before you derailed my train of thought um, we were talking about trans people um and then you said you know, here's a brilliant thing that you said about how the trans movement.
Speaker 2:It's just all autists. It's just autism, yeah, and people fiercely like adhering to this identification they set for themselves and if you don't go along with that, with them like you're the enemy yeah, it's.
Speaker 1:I mean, you know it's not to. I don't want to be like one of these fucking guys who goes around and be like trans is not real, but the numbers are being highly inflated by genuine mental illness and like I mean even like finally, fucking liberal girlfriends are starting to come along to this and notice it because like it'll just be a dude with long hair who is clearly suffering from violent schizophrenia in a woman's locker room, jacking off going I'm a woman and people are just now going. Hey, maybe we shouldn't do that. It's like dude, how did we take this long to get there? You know?
Speaker 2:dude. And and not even that, like the people like charlie starin and these hollywood people who have, like they adopt three kids and then all the kids are trans, it's like, then I don't even want to.
Speaker 1:I don't want to even get into the very, very clear uh by proxy disorder, yeah, that some of our most beloved liberals have imposed upon innocent children. But you know, I mean, hey, dude, some kids are trans.
Speaker 2:I mean it's not, not a big fucking deal excitement that you feel from being adopted by a fucking multi-millionaire and you're like I fucking, finally did it, dude you're like, I made it. I hit the jackpot here we go.
Speaker 1:We went from the ivory coast to the golden coast I've landed.
Speaker 3:You could have said the ivory tower every time would have been good damn it, california golden talk about autism.
Speaker 1:I just had a fucking violent reaction to that but from the ivory coast to the ivory tower, here I am, I've arrived. And then charlie starrin is staring at you, still wearing her dress from uh, that fucking uh. What was that movie she did? The uh fuck the rapunzel movie she did with uh so many bad movies.
Speaker 2:Oh uh, it was good. No, it was with chris hemsworth into the woods, into the woods yeah, where they're, where they're're like.
Speaker 1:It was like a Snow White adaptation.
Speaker 2:Snow White into the woods.
Speaker 1:And she's just sitting there in her fucking queen of the white like head scarf outfit, you know, White queen fucking head scarf and you're like the huntsman the huntsman, that's what it. There you go and you're just like she's like. Why are you? Why are you wearing that? And it's you go and you're just like what she's like. Why are you? Why are you wearing that? And it's like because, my dear you finally arrived.
Speaker 4:I've been waiting for you. Yeah, like you're like I just had this.
Speaker 2:Are we gonna get?
Speaker 1:ice cream. I've been hearing about ice cream in america can I join the baseball team?
Speaker 2:mom dick bitch the baseball team.
Speaker 4:No, no, no. We have such better plans than baseball stick in a metal bat.
Speaker 2:This could never compare to this beautiful future we have built for you dude, once you brought out that voice I like immediately thought of the over under of how many times fucking charlie's theron watched her adopted children sleeping at like 3, 30 in the morning that's exactly what I was picturing.
Speaker 1:She was just hovering over them with long nails, just rubbing their back while they sleep, just muttering to herself, malik would be so happy.
Speaker 2:Malik would appreciate your sacrifice and the kid is literally like god, I'm on the first plane back to uganda yeah, like this is the kids awake.
Speaker 1:It's the kids awake holding his pillow just like holy shit, I thought I was gonna get to play baseball and eat ice cream holy shit this is worse than when they circumcised me with a rock.
Speaker 2:Well, I think honestly, it's more than anything they they just need. Uh, I don't think it because, like for the longest, everyone suspects like oh, it's just like some weird like virtue signaling thing. But it seems like it's more than virtue signaling, it seems like they are possessed yeah, well, it's the same thing that happened, like during the witch trials.
Speaker 1:it's like I don't think that people understand how easily groups of people are tricked, because everybody thinks of themselves as, like a rational individual actor. And when you are in the space of a rational individual actor, you're right, you are rational, you do make choices that make sense. But when people get into clumps and they start like working together, in. Rome saw your child's cock off and it's like like it's happening right now. It's on our next door app that our next door up in Arlington is fucking freaking out.
Speaker 1:There's trans stuff on there. Yes, dude, because a man who, just exactly what we just talked about, clearly had mental illness. We got in a big fight because, um my, my lady, um, her therapist, was talking about how, uh, how a lot of the trans thing. She would meet, like all of these people with mental illness who'd be like, now I'm trans, so, uh, like, give me the medication that I need.
Speaker 1:And it was just clearly a person with schizophrenia who was like had had latched onto a group, because that's what schizophrenics do they like latch and autistic people, for that matter right, exactly. And then so I was like, oh, you mean the thing I've been saying for four years, and then that became a fight. But it's all right, I'll just be right, quietly and alone. I've just decided I'll never be right, ever again. I'll just be quiet.
Speaker 2:Well, I've told you this Women care more about the delivery of content than they do the content Right. You're right.
Speaker 1:I am usually wearing war paint, standing on top of the roof like some sort of gargoyle screaming down upon her going it's all mental illness and she is usually tied to a funeral pyre. As I flap my wings and say I bring another sacrifice you're, you're just the mothman new jersey mothman.
Speaker 2:You're trying to trying to scream at her about how trans works. Yeah, I can see, I can see that would scare a fucking sweet young girl shoot.
Speaker 1:You're right, the delivery's off, shit, dude. Yeah, so so what was happening was there's a uh there, there was a guy up here in arlington at washington and liberty high school, which used to be called washington and lee. Who's lee, you ask? Only a hero of the south yeah, don't get generally, generally, I like generally.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, there was a guy with just long hair jacking off in the woman's locker room whenever, generally, I like generally.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, there was a guy with just long hair jacking off in the woman's locker room whenever, like 12 year olds would walk by and there's been a big fight on next door because people like here's the argument, here's what people were fighting over. One group of people is like hey, the rules that we've installed where, if you can use whatever bathroom your gender assigns to is making it more difficult to root out creeps. And then the other one is like that's transphobic. Not all trans people are jacking off at 12 year olds and it's. And they just keep repeating the same thing and the other group goes no, what we're saying is that the new rules are making it harder to identify the people who are going to take advantage of the rules. And then the other group again says no, that's transphobic. And then the other group just finally gets to the point where they're like I fucking hate them. And then the other you know it just devolves every time because we can't just like one group wants to protect, you know it's.
Speaker 1:It's this weird thing of like what we always knew which was minority rights that don't impose on the majority you know like oh yes, it's like inherently class creating yeah, it's like, yes, we want to protect minority, but, like I don't know it, just it seems like a simple, a simple, uh, opportunity cost, uh calculation, right, which is like, hey, it's probably worse yeah, like what's the, what's the top, what's the peak upside here? Yes, and then peak downside and if yeah, okay so peak downside is man who believes that they?
Speaker 1:are a woman and they yeah, it's, you talk about an oxymoron, I'm an oxymoron man. Um, so like, go into the stall. Uh, woman with a cock goes into the man's restroom woman with a cock goes woman, woman with a cock not funny, totally true goes into a man's restroom and uh, has to use the stall to change right. Okay, so we'll, on a scale of one to ten evil. We'll say that's uh, 0.5 evil, um, and then the alternative is uh, no one can say anything when man with a cock.
Speaker 2:When Brian Urlacher goes in the women's locker room.
Speaker 1:Goes in and stares at a 12-year-old girl who's trying to change and strokes his hard cock and goes yeah, come to mama.
Speaker 2:I'm a lady when Clay Matthews has a midlife CT fueled midlife crisis and becomes a woman and then goes wearing a bra in a walmart, and there there isn't. Every cop on staff in the county cannot hold clay down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's probably not what we're aiming at so we'll say that's probably 9.5 out of 10 for evil you know, the thing is is like nothing is weighted correctly, or like there's like this great saying that goes um, if you build a hundred bridges and you suck one dick, you're not a bridge builder who the fuck made that?
Speaker 1:saying so I think that's kind of what's going on here. Oh shit, dude, when it's like that will haunt me in my dreams.
Speaker 2:Where it's like not all cars have, you know, illegals without insurance driving them, but all illegals without insurance are driving cars, so it's like I don't know if that's true, I think.
Speaker 1:I think what you should say is your cock doesn't fit. I actually prefer my.
Speaker 2:You don't tell me what I say, okay, I prefer. Tim Holman can come see me if he needs me to fucking clarify anything. But what I'm saying is, you know, their things are weighted differently. So it's like, if you want to pretend that, like, your identity is as important as a 12 year old girl's safety, right, exactly.
Speaker 1:Exactly, that's it. That's it. It's just not. And and it's insane that we have to have a convert and and everyone goes okay, but that never happens. That never happens. Well, here in Northern Virginia, in two years we've had three separate instances where the school boards of the three biggest counties Arlington County, loudoun County, and then one other one, um, I think it's Prince William. Prince William, they don't, we don't really fuck with shit like that, but like they've literally had to like have school board meetings. People are getting arrested over. It's like okay, well, that's three times in two years. So this just isn't working. This is whatever this is. This isn't working working. This is whatever this is. This isn't working. Listen, I, I understand. I mean, there's literally none of this is usable and I will have to cut all of this out. But much like where you, uh, I feel like this has gone really well. It was going really well Until you started talking about statistics and then saying the word but isn't that insane.
Speaker 1:Just because here's the thing Is when you say remove the variable, I can understand that. I can use my brain and realize that maybe, perhaps you mean Remove the rule that allows something like that to happen. But when you say remove the rule that allows something like that to happen, but when you say remove the variable, it sounds much more like I slice, I slice, I slice.
Speaker 2:And that's because I'm white, that's just because I'm white?
Speaker 1:No, no, it's because your neck vein is popping out and your face is turning red and you're wearing leather boots to your knees.
Speaker 2:Okay, listen okay, all right, hugo Boss is a great designer, but what? But what I'll say okay is, I just don't understand right why, um, I mean, it's it's, it's more. This is more an argument about government and the private sector, whereas, like, the private sector must adapt to what the market is saying or it will or it will die whereas government, there's no incentive for adapt quite the opposite, actually. And then you get this like system that doesn't address any of the actual problems. It would be like if you're hemorrhaging money at the company you work for, with the department that you work in, but you never address anything, any of the directives that your department is intended to address, and then, on top of it, you just like suck money out of the fucking company. So it's like you're just a total dredge like the government does that with. Like how can you run statistical analysis and then, and then get a definitive thing from it and then take no action, like what was the point of the statistical analysis then?
Speaker 1:I don't think we should talk about statistics on international women's day it's it's international women's month. Dude we're not going to talk about economics or uh, economics or uh, you know, statistics. I just I don't think that's the right call. They hate stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, I can use that either all right, all right, I'll tone it down nick flint does podcast, I mean jesus christ.
Speaker 1:Okay, also.
Speaker 2:Here's the thing I have a little bitch, that guy, of course it is dude.
Speaker 1:He's never been in an oklahoma drill in his life and you fucking got a poster of him on your wall.
Speaker 2:I don't have a poster of anybody on my wall, dude, except, except my father and his father and his father before him I have a question fucking.
Speaker 1:When they say international women's day, are they celebrating international women's day in afghanistan?
Speaker 2:no, they're not allowed. Women aren't allowed to read and you know, they don't even they don't even know it's sunday they don't even know.
Speaker 1:They don't even know that it's international women's day. Those poor broads, yeah god, they're never gonna know what it's like to work a 40 hour work week, poor women they're certainly never gonna know what it's like to drive a car but that's because they only have toyota tundras I. I think that there's you gotta get roads before you can drive cars.
Speaker 2:That's one of the big problems I've been thinking about this too, and and I know I just said I was gonna dial it back, but I've been thinking about this too, like there's, there's this thing that's happened in the west where, like, we have tried to like dissolve uh, gender roles, you know. And then in the east, what?
Speaker 1:do you mean by dissolve gender roles? Like you know you, you have and keep in mind, this is a comedy podcast. Now, what do you mean about dissolve gender like the?
Speaker 2:girl like the girl boss archetype, like the career is just as good as a family thing, like the like.
Speaker 1:Basically, new wave feminism is essentially you're talking about, you're talking about how uh multinational corporations uh used cia slush fund money to convince women that they should be a part of the marketplace yeah, so the tax base could double.
Speaker 2:So the tax?
Speaker 1:base could double and, uh, they could get more consumer goods yeah, what yeah? I'm saying that. That's I listen as a podcast. I don't want to disagree with our most successful psyops okay, I'm pro psyop, I like, I like that that happened, but that's hilarious what I'm saying is somewhere between that and fucking women.
Speaker 2:Not being able to read or drive is kind of where I feel. In the middle.
Speaker 1:There we could really get everyone to get together and celebrate International Women's Day, but in the state it is now, Right, but that clashes with the idea of Girlboss, which, if you're thinking about it, if you're thinking about like, okay, I've got my tax dollars. Right, I gave you my tax dollars. What could you use it for? You could teach my kids how to read. You could build a road so that my axle doesn't snap when I dip into a hole in the ground that looks like some sort of chasm to hell has cracked and fractured in the middle of the i-295, or, or you could trick my bitch wife into screaming at me every day.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's kind of funny that they did.
Speaker 1:It's kind of funny they went with that one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I mean I thought. But the problem is with the girl boss thing too, is all you need is like one hard transition to girl boss and then you just have like 70 less people in one generation that.
Speaker 1:That actually is great and I love my sweet baby girl boss. I love that she's a girl boss. I think that's awesome.
Speaker 2:But it's like you need to be baking bread in that oven, and part of my French.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. We'll not be saying bitch, but I will. I will say this about the the girl boss thing is is it's funny that their nature is their nature is so against, against the thing. Sorry, dave keeps calling me, so now I'm telling him to hold a second um you didn't need to say that what you didn't need to disclaim that.
Speaker 2:I'm not waiting on bated breath to hear what you have to say.
Speaker 1:You know I'm well, it's a conversation and a podcast. You fucking retard, so why not?
Speaker 2:That's how insane I am. I'm not even.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm having a conversation. Oh yeah, actually, don't even worry about it, you're just a wall that I'm bouncing my own ideas off of.
Speaker 2:I need another deep psychedelic trip, that's insane.
Speaker 1:I think you had enough. I think you should put them down for a bit. Their nature is like screaming out against their girl boss mentality. They desperately want to bake bread, they desperately want to make little babies. And why wouldn't you? You know what I mean. Why wouldn't?
Speaker 2:you. It's the coolest. It's the coolest shit ever.
Speaker 1:You look at this little thing with like little hands and you can put them in little outfits and they go. I love you and you're like I love you too, and you teach it how to throw a football, or you, you could do excel spreadsheets. Yeah, it's like what? Why those two things aren't even close.
Speaker 2:How did they trick us. Well, they, they tricked. They first tricked us too, but they first made them hate men, so that like it's it's more of like it's less about being a girl boss I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think they've always hated us. Yeah, I, you know what I mean it's less about being a girl boss?
Speaker 4:I don't know. I think they've always hated us. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:It's that Cormac McCarthy line which is like a heart cannot hold that which it has not been formed to hold. Yeah, yeah yeah. He was talking about horses and how horses love war.
Speaker 2:You can't make a plate a cup.
Speaker 1:Right how horses love war the same as. And somebody's like well, no, uh, men taught horses to love war. And he's like no horses loved war before. You can't make a heart, uh, you can't form a heart to hold that which was not formed to hold. And that's the same thing with with women. I don't think women got tricked into hating men. I think they finally got like enough autonomy to like it's like. It's like a kid who gets bullied in middle school his entire life, right Like Mark Zuckerberg got tortured, you know, and then, the moment he could like create something that he could torture other people with, it's like his black little beady eyes finally just clicked on and he was like that's the exact same sentiment about the flamboyant, flamboyant gaze.
Speaker 2:It's like you've been suppressed so long that once you can let out your fag, you you really send it, you know yeah I mean, how good would it feel to finally let out your fag let out your every, every day, I walk by like I'll see, like I'll see somebody wearing a pair of overalls and I'm like I wish I could let out my inner fag.
Speaker 1:I wish I could just throw on a pair of overalls and open up the back hatch and say have at it, boys you would call your butthole the back time to slop at the trough. I didn't say back half, I've said the back flat I said back. You said back hatch, yeah, like the the thing on an overalls where you can open up the flap so you don't have to take the overalls off the shit.
Speaker 4:I'd open up that flap and I'd say how gross of a human being was the guy who thought he made a breakthrough how disgusting was that person was like and then this stitching down here.
Speaker 2:I put a button right here. So now, instead of pulling all this off, I can just shit right there. Sometimes I wear it backwards, my overalls, so I can just stick my wiener through the crack here, I don't even have to pull my overalls down to pit. Well like it is funny too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, why didn't you go with the front hat? Why didn't you go with the front pitch?
Speaker 2:An overall is basically it just forces you to pee the same way my son does, where, like when you go pee you drop all the way to trial. Dude my dad the other day. We're at the beach and he says to Jonas, hey, uh, you got to pee. And he's like, yeah, I got to pee. And he goes go pee in the ocean.
Speaker 1:And Jonas walks up and drops Trow.
Speaker 2:Jay walks to the edge of the water, the very shore of the water, and then just pulls his pants down to his ankles and starts pissing right into the water. And my dad's like wow, what are you doing? And I was like he's doing exactly what you told him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I he's doing, and I was like he's doing exactly what you told me. Yeah, yeah, I mean. I mean, the only thing you can say to that is fair play.
Speaker 2:I guess I didn't, I didn't technically describe it differently you think he's supposed to know how to fucking just like? Because, also, how do you explain to a imagine? Imagine being a toddler and and every time you shit and piss in your pants, you're either met with ridicule or embarrassment or something attacks you externally and then finally one day you're at the beach.
Speaker 1:What attacks you externally?
Speaker 2:When you fucking shit in your pants. Do you have a?
Speaker 1:Doberman that you sick upon your child every time he shits in his pants, Dude okay, when you wake up at 3.30 in the and your kid's crying yeah and then you open the door and he's like I shit so hard.
Speaker 2:It's all over the walls and it's like how did this?
Speaker 4:even escape your pants.
Speaker 2:So like when that happens? Yeah, there's some external threats that the child deals with as if a third party has possessed your body.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. I've got some external threats that the child's about to deal with. And that external threat is my closed fist.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean. Whatever you want to fucking saute, that that's fine, Whatever you want to phrase it Fancy that.
Speaker 1:With your English words. I know lots of words. I know only of closed fists and open hands.
Speaker 2:So then right then you, you go to him, the same little boy, and you say hey, man. So since we're at the beach, what I want you to do is I want you to walk out into the water till you're about belly high yeah and then I just want you to shit and piss right in your pants yeah they look at you like what trick is this?
Speaker 1:you foul beast and now he does what he thinks is the right thing he drops his drawers down to his ankles, pulls, out his massive willy and starts just fucking hammering the sea and shit is coming out of his butt crack, and he's like I've done it, I've finally done what I've been told to do. And then he just hears from the back no, no, and he's like oh no, that's the closed fist again.
Speaker 2:It's crazy how you can tell them stuff and then they they've internalized it and then that's just like gospel truth, like the other day. I'm taking him, I pick him up at school and I'm like we're walking out, we barely make to the parking lot. He's like dad, I gotta pee and I'm like all right, well, we'll be home in a sec. And by the time I could get sec out of my mouth, he was already at a tree, pants completely dropped down right in front of his school, like we could see the front door of the school in the parking lot.
Speaker 3:There's people walking to their cars and I'm standing next to my kid who's just got his pants around his ankles pissing on a tree and there's like parents looking at me like and I'm like they're like, oh my god, they can't believe he's not circumcised. They can't even imagine. Why didn't you get him circumcised? If you want, I can do it for you in the back of my.
Speaker 2:I know that you're from Virginia and you only know Mexicans and whites, but like not every Jewish person and blacks, not every jewish person is literally like the most jewish, shoyam goyle mcgoogle stein yeah, I don't think so, yeah, yeah that that doesn't match with my worldview.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, let me tell you something that doesn't match with my worldview oh, please, can I take off the tip of his penis?
Speaker 3:please Come to my Honda Odyssey. I can do it in the back. I'll use my sharpened teeth, which I use to suck the blood of Christian children in the tunnels.
Speaker 2:Okay, talk about unusable yeah right.
Speaker 3:We'll get fucking sent to the goo, the gulags, but I mean I uh, the jewish gulags, you're going, you're going, and then I went there he is circumcised.
Speaker 2:That's first of all okay I know, I know I have the force and he and he circumcised literally as a purely aesthetic choice from his mother, which I found to be insane because I was like, I mean, you're not gonna ever fucking have to like, why does that even?
Speaker 1:matter to you. Yeah, and she's like I don't want my kid to have the weird dick that's literally.
Speaker 2:That was literally what that's.
Speaker 1:That's what it was I was there for this conversation. It's in this, the conversation that this happened is in my act. And she's like I don't want him to have the weird dick. And she's like and then she goes, this is my favorite part. And then she goes. You know, in europe all of the men aren't circumcised and I just like looked at you and I was like all of them, all of them in europe how could you possibly know that? Really makes you think of her trip studying abroad differently okay, she never studied abroad yeah, well, somebody studied that broad.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you that's actually pretty funny. I cross my arms and look at you and, like a Mark Norman kind of way, turn it off once in a while, guy that guy, I'm not even going to lie that guy needs to just be punched square in the middle of his face.
Speaker 2:I think I'd punch him right in his head like he does bit number 3 and then, and then you know it's coming, and right when he opens his mouth, he just you say one more word, I'm going to hit you.
Speaker 1:I'm going to hit you, I'm going to hit you right in your face. And he goes talk about right in your cram hole.
Speaker 2:And you, yeah, I don't know why that guy can't that guy must have, like, like some, some neurotic problem like he's. He's oh, you think he's probably scared of the dark. I bet he's. He's like one of the people that sleeps with like a hat, with the ball at the end and like matching jammies and and with the light on like hugging a bear. You don't notice it.
Speaker 1:Jokes to the bear and the bear makes jokes back to him if you pull the best feet to joke back.
Speaker 1:No, you don't notice it now because he performs mostly in theaters, but I can remember him performing in small basements with 80 people in them and he stares at the ceiling, which in a theater makes sense because, like you know, it's up there, so he's looking up there. But it's actually just because of the autism, he can't make eye contact, so he does the entire act staring upward at the ceiling, being like, well, how come this? How come you call a woman a woman and a hole that you fuck in the wall a glory hole and then, like everyone's, like why are you staring at the ceiling?
Speaker 2:in the wall a glory hole, and then like everyone's like, why are you staring at the ceiling? I saw this thing about him that I got like some of the fiercest secondhand embarrassment I've ever had. It's, it's. He's on theo wong's show and he asks theo talk about not making eye contact.
Speaker 1:I mean, those guys could have done that, not in the same room, same thing would have happened.
Speaker 2:He asked theo, uh, or like how about? How about that ufc event? And theo was like, oh, yeah, man, it was really cool. I got to be there with dustin. Like I know dustin, like he grew up in a similar area and like he goes through this whole spiel and mark no mark normal goes yeah, I know I was there, and theo goes what, what do you mean? He's like we were sitting right next to each other.
Speaker 2:We hung out the whole day and then we went to the fight together and theo's like, really, he's like there's, there's no way you were there. And he's like, yeah, man, we, we drank beer, like I drank. I drank four beers right next to you. We like laughed and joked the whole time and he was like, oh man, I'm sorry, I don't remember you there at all. And I was like, oh man, well that's that's killer that's mark norman they're from the same place too.
Speaker 1:They're both from louisiana louisiana.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what's up with that dude tom segura, that bit of his where he talks about building a wall to keep all the cages in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't like that. I'm cajun. That pisses me off you're french, you're not cajun I'm first of all, I'm german and second of all I'm cajun. That's why I've got your. That's why I've got big lips, that's what my dad was dude guy's racist. I don't know what to tell you, don't worry about it. I mean I don't know. I don't know why I gotta pretend like people of the past weren't racist. They were they said wild shit I know, dude.
Speaker 2:I remember when my grandpa met a couple of my hispanic friends from my high school, uh, and he was in town visiting the rest of seoul, and he he's just staring at that too. It was remy and my friend lewis, and they walked in. He's just staring at him and doesn't say anything. And then they finally say something and to him like hi, he goes oh wow, I didn't even realize you were speaking english this whole time you're, you're tan, aren't you this?
Speaker 2:is by the equator, I wonder why my grandson doesn't get tan like you oh, I know, why? And it's like jesus dude you think I could rub that off you, let me get, let me get a sponge, try to rub that off you.
Speaker 1:That's what my, that my grandmother, my, my, my mom would go down my great-grandmother, when my mom would go down to louisiana and we used to go down there when I was a kid too down to mobile, alabama, because that's where the family's from and so my mom would go down to louisiana every summer. They'd take a fucking uh road trip down there and her and her two sisters they're all three little girls, all about the same age would get really, really tan, and my great-grandmother, their grandmother, would take them into the bathtub after they spent a day at the beach and try to try to scrub the tan off them, because she didn't want the neighbors thinking they were italians man what?
Speaker 1:a different world yeah, and that's the funny part about louisiana is louisiana's been, uh they, they've had free blacks down there for so long that they actually don't have any issues yeah, well, they don't actually have many because they're french.
Speaker 1:So like they're kind of cool with the blacks. The french and the blacks are kind of like they. They like I, I forget what it is but like they've been fine for a long time. And then the italians started coming in in like the late 1800s, early 1900s, and they fucking hate italians. So if you look up like the first lynchings in the united states, it's actually all italian people down in louisiana.
Speaker 1:So I've heard italians going to louisiana. Fuck, I know they probably could not help, but want to be down there by the fridge. So we heard you had the best bread man.
Speaker 2:It just became Jamaican.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I heard you had the best bread, man. I was trying to do Cajun Italian. I mean, what does that even sound like?
Speaker 2:That's who founded Jamaica. Is it Cajun Italian? Just Cajun Italian? I mean, what does that even sound like? That is that's who founded Jamaica.
Speaker 1:Is a Cajun Italian, just Cajun Italians, and it's kind of true. That's like historically not necessarily wrong, oh shit. On International Women's Day. No less, that's what I was going to say about International Women's Day. Do you know when the last time they put a woman to death for, uh, witchcraft was internationally?
Speaker 2:oh, I actually had some witchcraft stuff too when we were talking about that earlier. Um, no, but I don't.
Speaker 1:I it's probably the last one or the last one the last time a woman internationally, the last time a woman was put to death, and then, if you can guess the right region of the world, bonus points.
Speaker 2:It's in Germany, um it's, it's, it's in Deutschland, and I would say like 1860s.
Speaker 1:No, it's much more recent and much more. Hey, who do you think executed a woman?
Speaker 2:Oh well, so it was. It was the muz yeah.
Speaker 1:Uh, oh, well, so it was. It was the muz. Yeah, uh-huh, and they and they, they did it. Where, uh, saudi arabia in 2006, a woman was put to death for witchcraft because she orgasmed?
Speaker 2:no, that's not why I think, I think, I think that actually explains a lot.
Speaker 1:I think I think her husband asked her a question and she turned and read one of the road signs and he turned and was like you can read, and then they fucking, they hung her by her ankles and hit her like a pinata, I mean why it's.
Speaker 2:It's the most insecure bitch culture, dude, to fucking hide your women and not let them know anything it just that, like that's like bitch culture, dude to fucking hide your women and not let them know anything.
Speaker 1:it's just that, like that's like and it's so crazy that we can't just find it in between, between girl boss and that and that.
Speaker 1:And it's not even girl, boss. I love an empowered woman. It's just like this energy where women hate men. There you meet these 34 year old single women who have. I was in Petsmart with my beloved and we were watching, um, all of the the kids. Uh, I mean we were like, literally, we were having the best day, we were buying bird feed and we were watching the kids and the parents were picking up their kids to look into the reptile cages and I was obviously my, my lady's, short, so I was picking her up so she could look into the reptile cages and she'd be mad about that.
Speaker 1:So and you know, we're just having the best day. There's like little kids, we're like it's awesome and the kids are like yeah, and we're high-fiving them and shit, parents are like stay away from my kid. And I'm like never. And then we're fucking, we're like we want them too and fucking we're, you know we're, we're putting the stuff near the. You know we're looking at all animals. And then a woman walks by with a cute little dog and she's picking up the dog to look into the cages. A woman, probably about 38, 39.
Speaker 1:And she seemed nice. You know, she seemed nice, but she's picking the dog up to look into the cage.
Speaker 1:And now we're like, oh, what's the dog's name? And she's like this is Peanut, he just loves to come look at the reptiles. And you see all the parents picking their kids up. And then there's this white woman picking up a dog and you're like, don't, ah, god, all those people's brains. It was right there, that's what you wanted. You don't want to be with this dog. Well, they? Well, it's sure the dog can lick your pussy, but can it tell you he loves you after?
Speaker 2:well, the dog doesn't require any relations with a man yeah, that's right. If they can't put their swords away, they can't put their claws away with the man long enough to just get the get the seed yeah, because, like it's, it's also I feel like it starts younger man Because, like my thing, I remember we would even start noticing this before I had a kid, before I, when we were just young bucking. I remember you and I yeah.
Speaker 3:Young bucks.
Speaker 4:I remember going to bars, yeah, don.
Speaker 2:Tito's and us seeing fucking like girls our age, or even like younger with dogs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Like babying the dog and it's like dude you, you want to see my special little boy and they pull up their phone.
Speaker 4:And it's a dog.
Speaker 1:And it's them kissing the dog in the mouth and you're just like huh.
Speaker 2:A dog happens like when a family is ready to take on a dog, like that's what a dog is for. Yeah, it's like either a working animal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a starter pack for fucking.
Speaker 2:Okay, we're going to do a kid next, yeah, yeah, and like these people, they you can't. Because you can't, because the thing about a dog is you can't be like super hyper career focused with a dog either. So it's like you're not being a girl boss because you got to go home and let spunky out of the house every fucking three hours, yeah, and then. But that's the thing is, they don't they just let the dog.
Speaker 1:They get like a belgian malinois, right like a dog. That's like built to jump up fences and tear your arm off. And I know this because I met a woman like this one time, a lady of the night, and she had a Belgian Malinois trapped in a studio apartment and it just like you could smell. As soon as you walked in. You could smell the piss and shit that this thing had clearly the fecal matter that this thing had fucking rubbed its exposed asshole all over because she just would like leave it in the house for a 12 hour day. And then she also had a rabbit, and the rabbit is fucking just reeks of of fucking rabbit. You know what I mean With like, at least with a dog. While the smell is bad, there's still something human in you that's like. I appreciate dogs, I love dogs, but there is something in your like epigenetic memory that when you smell that of the rodent, any sort of rabbit, ferret, gerbil hamster your brain's like get the fuck away from that it isn't family.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. A dog smells like. Even cats don't smell like family, like like the way that, the way that dave puts up with with all the cat stuff.
Speaker 1:You don't have to do that with a cat, by the way. You can just change the litter box you don't have to you don't have to live in a shit shit infested world.
Speaker 2:I don't know if he knows that, but there doesn't need to be fucking the smell of rotten cat turd well, like cats, give you toxoplasmosis and cats are fucking like, not friendly animals, like it's, like, it's not, that's not, I don't know. I just what I don't get, dude is I don't get cats will literally give you schizophrenia yeah, and and and the women that that do the cat route.
Speaker 2:It's like they don't even. I think this is gonna sound a little weird maybe, but like they hate men so much they can't even do a dog, it's like that doesn't sound weird.
Speaker 1:That doesn't sound weird like maybe sentence structure wise it's like huh, but that I know exactly what you mean.
Speaker 2:Like a dog, it makes perfect sense more masculine of a relationship that you have with this animal where, like, there's accountability and you know, they're emotionally tuned in to you and like all this, whereas a cat is just like pure indifference. You know it's like.
Speaker 1:And one thing that I hate when we do as a podcast but we do it a lot because we're very literarily inclined and we love fantasy novels but we turn everything into a big special metaphor and if you're a stupid audience member you don't understand that it's a metaphor. But like the, the, the, the dog has become their, their husband. You know, yeah, and and that's why in the social zeitgeist now you'll hear these women talking about how they want a golden retriever boyfriend is because they're now associating the masculine with a golden retriever. Which is, at its core, is a dog with down syndrome. And so what a woman wants is not just a dog which can't speak english, a dog with down syndrome. Are you using the sink in the middle of our recording, dude? How often have I told you dude the audio. I can hear the sink stop it's not the sink.
Speaker 2:I'm grilling some onions. You can't be cooking while we record a podcast.
Speaker 1:What do you mean? I don't understand the chair and talk.
Speaker 2:These boundaries do not add up it's just the noises and everything was fine. It was a little too loud. I can hear the sizzling? No, you can't. You cannot hear sizzling. What are you? The human ear?
Speaker 1:It's like what do you? Got two ears.
Speaker 2:But I mean at the end of the day, dude, I think that women are kind of doomed.
Speaker 1:Well, if women are doomed, we're doomed. Yeah that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:We're tied at the hip, unfortunately, and we've been tied to a big feminine anchor that's going to drag us into the chaotic oceans of the past, because you remember, like, remember when we used to talk about, like, patriarchies and matriarchies. Um, how, like, if you have a, the reason why there's no matriarchies is because the patriarchies would go kill them. So, like, I think what happens is is if, in an effort to, you know, be more progressive and and and keep things on the level and stuff you, you become more and more susceptible to these like. It's like that that hitler, mao, oh, here we go thing.
Speaker 2:We're like totalitarianism. I wondered how long it would take to get to here. Totalitarianism requires everyone else to be totalitarian to compete, so it's like no matter what your system of government is, if you're competing against a totalitarian government, you have to become totalitarian and you're saying that when, once you turn women and men against each other and we now have to battle women they turn men more feminine.
Speaker 2:Because we've got to be bitchy back to them, because they're just fucking hammering us and then so we just turn into bitches too I think that there's a lot of that going on, and I also think that mainly what's happening here, the onions okay, oh, I dropped shit. Ow, it's so hot.
Speaker 1:Stop cooking.
Speaker 2:Well, how am I supposed to eat, Matthew?
Speaker 4:Just eat later.
Speaker 2:We're on minute 50, just 10 minutes, okay, god Jeez, it's unremarkable. It's unremarkable, I mean. What I was saying more than anything, though, is like yes, all those things, but women, uh, once they're pitted against us, and then we're competing against societies where the women are like subservient, second-class citizens, while that is obviously well to us, obviously a worse way to exist, because you don't really have peers in that setup, like there's a whole lot of downside there. You're basically just like that's how you end up and and again part of my friends. It's how you end up sitting on the floor and eating everything with your hands. I mean, uh, is that women aren't allowed to say anything?
Speaker 1:because, because a woman would go. Hey, this is disgusting. You think maybe we could invent the fork?
Speaker 2:what are you fucking animals doing? That's what a woman would say in that environment.
Speaker 1:So so, so, so, while the quieter the woman, the more submissive the woman. If you go culture by, culture, the environment the more submissive the woman, the less developed the eating utensil is you go from.
Speaker 3:You go from the.
Speaker 1:You go from the, the Muslim world, where they eat with their hands, to the Asian world where they eat with two sticks, to the African world where they don't eat at all and finally you get to America where we eat with fucking beautiful metal forks and our bitch wife is like seriously, chew with your mouth closed metal forks and our bitch wife is like seriously chew with your mouth closed.
Speaker 2:Like I feel, like this is what a lot of aggressive idiots. That was awesome.
Speaker 1:That's really good it's a really, really good way of looking at the world and it's it's it's genuinely true. I mean.
Speaker 2:You cannot disagree with it what the progressives totally miss about men in the western world is how much that men do is actually motivated by pleasing women so like it's so.
Speaker 1:Use your powers more subtly. That's the problem is women don't want to use their subtle power anymore.
Speaker 2:They want to use raw force which is like that's not your fucking game. You're gonna look.
Speaker 1:You can't do that uh-huh, I'm with you, I'm with you. And then that makes us, that makes us bristle and fight back, instead of just doing what they told us to do, which we would have done us on our, on our plane of existence which makes us competitive.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, but like but like, if you think about this, if you, if you think, about this if you think about it just logically like why is all the innovation happening in like places where you know women have freedom and aren't second class citizens? Why is all this?
Speaker 1:We certainly didn't invent the dishwasher for ourselves. Yeah.
Speaker 2:If they were around we wouldn't even wash anything, and much of the world doesn't. I mean, is this fucking thing on like?
Speaker 1:so I just well like it's happy international women's day we made you we made you the washing machine and the dishwasher, and now we're the ones who have to do it yeah, that's basically.
Speaker 2:Well, that, that it, that what you just described is such a microcosm of, like men and women in the in the west this is like the problem.
Speaker 1:This is literally the problem the man.
Speaker 2:The man bends over backwards to deliver for the woman yeah and the woman in response says how dare you?
Speaker 1:yeah, the woman's like well, why can't we both load the dishwasher sometimes? And you're like because I bought the dishwasher for you, I didn't buy the dishwasher for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, at least, if I was gonna buy a dishwasher, I would have bought a hispanic one that wears an apron if it was, if I was gonna have to load the dishwasher, I would have paid one that barely speaks any english that I could fucking sneak up on like robert f kennedy in the middle of the night looking to rfk jr he touched a lot of cleaning ladies.
Speaker 4:This is actually probably not bad I didn't know I was gonna have to pay the bills. Then I would have hired a dishwasher. I could fuck. You know what I'm saying? I? I didn't watch her. I can talk.
Speaker 2:They didn't speak any english have you seen the meme yet? That's like that like rfk? No, no, chiaro penis in my bottle oh, rfk is like um, maha, like, make america healthy again. I'm gonna look into vaccines. I'm gonna change the diet what's mahalik?
Speaker 1:maha, maha, make america healthy again oh so, like you have maha, like okay, got it.
Speaker 2:So that's like. That's like his whole movement. You know vaccines, diet, exercise, blah, blah, blah. And then the meme is like the best I could do is anti-Semitism legislation. That's literally like the main priority of his has been like anti-Semitism is rampant in the country. Has been like anti-semitism is rampant in the country. It's like dude, aren't you supposed to be? Like in monsanto's front office. Like getting kinds out of the berries. Like why are you?
Speaker 1:wait, I don't even know what he's doing. Why is he? Why is he doing anti-semitism legislation?
Speaker 2:he, he like recently tweeted a bunch of stuff or x'd a bunch of stuff like what are you even supposed to say with? That's fucking retarded. But, um, he did a bunch of stuff where, or tweeted out a bunch of stuff, or axed a bunch of stuff like what are you even supposed to say that's fucking retarded. He did a bunch of stuff where, or tweeted out a bunch of stuff that said anti-Semitism is rampant and basically they're trying to pass that anti-Semitism legislation that subverts the first amendment.
Speaker 4:I would love to make America healthy again, but the problem is that somebody said something bad about benjamin netanyahu, so now most of my time is taken up by building an underground train network to take uh shit, posters from their twitch live streams directly to a gas chamber.
Speaker 2:Dude man, I haven't even been sitting on this RFK for so long. You have a fucking elite RFK.
Speaker 4:I've been working on it. The problem is it fucking breaks my voice.
Speaker 2:Yeah dude I imagine.
Speaker 1:Alright, hold on, let's do. Bernie Sanders talking to RFK about antisemitism, I'll let you.
Speaker 4:Senator Sanders, I think that, while both of us disagree on a lot of stuff, one of the things we do agree on is antisemitism, and Let me stop you right there.
Speaker 2:First of all, dick, what is your name, robert? I'd just like to say that I need to increase the welfare of the citizens, and I think the best way to do that is to tax the Gentile. I think that's a really good idea Senator Sanders. Dude. How has it been so good?
Speaker 4:One of the things that I so proposed is that we make sure that a part of the health tax doesn't affect our Semitic communities. Tax doesn't affect our semitic communities, so, while we were planning on just taxing fat people, instead we're just gonna tax anyone who hasn't gone to a bar mitzvah. What?
Speaker 2:what? What actually happened to his voice? Does anyone even know?
Speaker 1:I bet you his uncle fucked it you think that's what you think. It's just okay, like I think, on epstein's island I think johnny boy couldn't stop from fucking every goddamn thing he saw and he was like rfk jr had a beautiful voice and he was like I bet I could stick my penis in that thing.
Speaker 2:Ask not what your country can do for you, ask whether or not you can fuck the maid you think they, you know, you know what I've been thinking too lately, like with all the shit about him coming out you think they shot him because he's one of the first and only guys who, when the Mossad or the CIA was like we're going to release the tape of you banging that fucking 13 year old and he's like good release and I was like what?
Speaker 2:Everyone knows what I'm about. You think I'm scared of you bitch. And then they were like you gotta kill this guy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's a madman. These guys not responding to the blackmail at all, I think, mr kennedy, we'd like to show you some tapes that we've acquired, and he goes. Let me hold you right there, boys. I'd like to show you some tapes that we've acquired and he goes. Let me hold you right there, boys. I'd like to show you some tapes that I've acquired.
Speaker 1:Look what I did the lady bird johnson here in the oval office me and robert took tag team turns on a where they were, just like you think, trying to blackmail hoover brought like pictures of uh of john f kennedy going into elizabeth exeter's uh house um in the uh out in california and he was like I got you some better pictures, herbert and he and he didn't even.
Speaker 2:I think he's j edgar, not herbert, herbert's a different he didn't even wince, he didn't even like look worried about it he's like ah, not that one, my cock doesn't look as big this is what you're beaten off to. You know I got better stuff, if you want to look.
Speaker 1:I don't know why he's become it's not what your country can do for you. Ask whether or not John F Kennedy can fuck you. If the answer's no, reconsider.
Speaker 2:Also everyone that always says that he's a good looking guy. I've never thought that about him.
Speaker 1:He looks kind of scary as fuck to me. I'm staring at a picture of him right now.
Speaker 2:He looks like Leadership for the 60s.
Speaker 1:I have a Kennedy for president poster, literally staring me right in the eyes. It says leadership for the 60s. Yeah, there was a famous story, I think.
Speaker 2:Because I've thought about this it's like I think maybe what we need to do is go back to horny presidents because if you look at all of our horniest right now, buddy, no, dude, that guy's asexual.
Speaker 1:If you, if that was all. If john, if djt this is why he's a bad president if djt was actually horny, he'd be fucking his smoking hot first lady. Dude, if clinton was married to melania, we never would have heard from clinton.
Speaker 2:Clinton never would have came out of the house and I hate to say this about trump dog, but trump dog hasn't banged melania ever in years, I don't think baron's not his son. No, it is dude. That's not his. That's andre. It looks just like him. It looks andre the giant's child. Did you hear the guy on rogan?
Speaker 1:okay, there's two things and then we'll wrap up. Did you see the uh the guy something I've never said before now did you see the guy? Hey, now did you see the guy on rogan saying that melania was a part of epstein's trafficking ring?
Speaker 2:I I've I've always heard that she was like a she comes from like a high-ranking nazi family oh, I haven't heard that.
Speaker 1:See, this is the problem. We got to get our algorithms back on the same page, the guy on rogan was saying that melania and carol yeah, the way that they met, the way that melania and trump met, was that melania was, uh, one of epstein's honeypots was one of. Epstein's honeypots, and then Trump was just like I'll just marry her Wow, no way, uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, that's how they met.
Speaker 2:I mean, the more that this all becomes exposed and I have this much worse than you do, how I can't wait to attribute things to ancient aliens, but the more that you just get down to brass tacks and evaluate things as like, um, the the most likely thing is probably what it is, and it's like it's so clearly that everything is just being controlled by blackmail yeah and you have all of these self-interested people and by blackmail you mean underage pussy I mean, I I think it could be a bunch of stuff.
Speaker 2:I think that they maybe have people eating babies on camera. You know, I don't know what the fuck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but like I think that, depending on what they require of you, they just think they think it's an episode of is it cake and they go to cut into one of the infants and it turned out it wasn't cake yeah, dude I think we found the name of this episode that it's clearly that's what's going on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that, uh, the reason I think that's what's going on is because it's the simplest explanation for why people act so retarded and like how could you capture a bunch of people without having immense blackmail on ideas that aren't good ideas? The ideas suck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, how do you, even how could you justify being like no, we need a trans lgbtq push for all the firefighters.
Speaker 1:And since, in los angeles, and you're saying somebody goes that's a bad idea, and they say, oh really. And then they turn to the game tape. They say let's take a check at the tape. And then it's just gavin newsom with four trans hookers just filling every one of his holes. Yeah, I think once you're in a position to fuck things, up.
Speaker 2:It's like you're a target to blackmail. Yeah, and think, once you're in a position to fuck things up, it's like you're a target to blackmail yeah, and I mean, who's gonna say no to trans pussy? And I think and I bet dude in circles, you know they're like oh you go down this island this island is fucking sick, dude.
Speaker 1:It's fucking crazy sick, you gotta come check out this island and then you're down there and you're playing a game of is it cake and you go to.
Speaker 2:You go to, you go to fuck what you assumed to be a tiramisu cake and it turns out that was a 12 year old, because people say, like you've been tricked, it wasn't cake, it was an underage woman I bet what they're doing is like you know they they take like a 16 year old or 17 year old, they dollar all up and then they make her like present, like she's 20 years old or whatever, and they bang them like blah blah, like nope maybe it's cake.
Speaker 2:Maybe it's just because I uh know someone who had that befall them. It doesn't really like. Fire me as bad because of the film familiarity. I don't think most of america, though, is like losing their mind over that like I think the blackmail is much more serious if I had to guess, yeah yeah, yeah, it's definitely not 17 year olds no, no, it's don't?
Speaker 1:it's some dark? That's like chris delia where we go, hey that's not that's not cake which is why buddy, that's not cake. Don't text my underage daughter.
Speaker 2:That's not cake, okay why, like you know, I don't the leah stuff. I never really got that.
Speaker 1:I never really I thought we should ban him for being a horrible comedian, but when they said, when they said we're canceling him for rape. I said well, are you talking about the rape he did to my eardrums?
Speaker 2:well, he's not that bad of a comic. I don't know why you're so hard on him. He's just. He's just a funny little guy that makes comics for fucking girls. It's not that crazy of a thing yeah, a rapist. You're talking about a rapist you make comedy for people who are fucking listening to the unabomber and thinking you know, this guy's got some fucking stuff I really agree with, like it's, that is true.
Speaker 1:I meet my audience members. They come out to to timonium maryland on a wednesday and they drive two hours and I see them in a literally reek of like cigarettes. They just got out of a dodge neon. They're like, hey, man, I got uh, I got some really cool books you should read in the trunk of my car. And I'm like I don't think so, I don't think I'm gonna do that and like okay, well, here's a bag of fertilizer. Have a nice night.
Speaker 2:I have some leftover from this weekend's project.
Speaker 1:You know what that is. That's called being a fucking good guy. That's how you know I'm a good guy, all right, dude, because I'm a straight man who does jokes for autistic, radicalized youth. I don't do jokes for women because you're. If you're doing jokes for women, that means you want something from the women. It's just like me and my fucking lady. I don't know if I've said this before, but we got in this argument because she went to a hosier concert and in the middle of the concert he stops and he starts just strumming the guitar and saying things he believes in, like he's, like I.
Speaker 2:All women should should be treated as equals and that women should have those women will buy that, and then he's strumming the guitar and he goes.
Speaker 1:I think women should be allowed to vote. And it's like hey, buddy, we solved that in 1920. We haven't. We haven't had that debate in a hundred years. You're a, you're three generations late for that, and there's all these women clapping and he's just doing that because later it's going to come out that he was roofing them and he needs them to be on his side, and meanwhile it'll never come out that I roofied anyone, except for maybe you.
Speaker 2:Let's be honest here. Okay, like it's crazy. That story isn't about hosier. Okay, that story is about how incredible it is that women can sit and listen to someone who has an obvious conflict of interest to tell them the truth and just buy every single fucking word of it, as though he's like singing directly to what they need. And it's like how do you guys not see that he needs you to fucking believe him here so that he can sell tickets like well, I'll tell you this.
Speaker 1:We'll go back to the last thing we said about john f kennedy. Did you know that one of the famous john f kennedy blackmails is uh, they were trying to build a new plane. They're trying to build a new uh, oh, I've heard this story.
Speaker 1:There was a contract going out for a famous jet, um, and it was. The contract was going to go to boeing, because boeing was the biggest builder of airplanes and jets in the world at the time. Um, but then, uh, the head of general dynamics who had used to be I think he was formerly an fbi agent um, he sent two people to watch john f kennedy when he was in los angeles, and john f kennedy went to a woman named elizabeth exeter's house, who was like a little debutante, and kennedy was like yeah and he was, he was, uh, he was burying his excalibur into judith exeter that's her name, judith and then uh, and then so they got tapes of that and they used it as blackmail.
Speaker 1:And so, like at the last minute, kennedy intervenes on this contract for the jet to go to boeing and gets it switched over to general dynamics, and general dynamics spent like something like 17 billion dollars of government funds over 10 years and never produced a working prototype oh, my god, all because kennedy was fucking some young broad in los angeles that, but like that's why elon is doing anything he's doing right now.
Speaker 2:It's it's weird. What do you think about that? Not to continue this? But what do you think about all the pushback that that that people get, that people are giving on that exact thing that you're just talking about? Like there's, there's a government contract that's given for oodles and poodles and then nothing is ever delivered. Yeah, and then well, but that's.
Speaker 1:I think like there's legitimate pushback to elon, which there's two things. One, he's cutting None of the waste is coming from the actual government. It's coming from General Dynamics and Deloitte and KPMG and fucking General Dynamics I already said General Dynamics and Boeing Raytheon yeah, that's where all of the waste is. So he's just cutting the people who could audit the waste. He's not doing any like anything helpful, so he's just like me. He's like oh, oh, you want us to stop uh spending money on um, uh, turning the women of australia into catholic hating uh radicals. Yeah, I can't. I can't do that, but I can diminish the national parks I can't I can't sell the redwood forest to the chinese government.
Speaker 1:Uh, let's, uh, let's make america funny. I can't do elon anymore. I used to have a good elon he it's.
Speaker 2:It is crazy that, uh, they like fired all these park rangers and then like allowed national forests to be cut down yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Who's pro that, who's?
Speaker 2:no one no one.
Speaker 1:It's the most unpopular, like besides, like the two things medicare, social security and the national park systems are the most popular things. It's supported by 99 of americans. They're the most popular things. It's supported by 99% of Americans. They're the most supported things in the world and that's what he's cutting. So, yeah, I mean, fuck Elon dude and stop doing Kyle Hitlers. It's not cute, it's not funny, it doesn't look like you're. You're not trolling anyone, you're just making this harder than it needs to be.
Speaker 2:And you're pissing everyone's girlfriends off. It was weird that steve bannon threw the threw the hitler up like right after too.
Speaker 1:And then he's like, no, but it's a roman salute, it's not. And it's like, yeah, but that that's not what that?
Speaker 2:means anymore, and I don't think it's not that, even if it is a roman salute like how we're not, we're not roman good point yeah like why is that a justification? Like why is that? Why does that work in your brain that, oh, it's just rome.
Speaker 1:It's like okay yeah yeah if you did something that the phoenicians used to do, that would also be weird like yeah, it's like uh, it's like um, it's like molesting a little boy and being like no, no, the Greeks used to do it. No, I'm just doing what Aristotle used to do, and it's like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but we don't do that anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's um, I don't know, I don't like that.
Speaker 1:I don't like that. You're in charge now.
Speaker 2:You can't be trolls. That's so like the gay New York Trump business guy, finance guy, wall Street guy thing too, that he doesn't understand when he thinks that like, oh, we're going to fucking allow logging companies to cut down trees in the national parks, it's like hey, man, I mean, we hate that. No, no fucking person's in on that yeah, we're gonna.
Speaker 1:We're gonna put the trump sign on yosemite's granite wall and everyone's like, um, okay, the old glory geyser sponsored by red finn have you ever heard?
Speaker 2:uh, I don't remember who it is. They ask trump like have you ever been in a fight? I think it's actually like logan paul. He asked trump like have you ever been in a fistfight? And trump goes me little little shoving match here and there, but never a fistfight. Like a guy that's been in a fistfight never would ever sell the national parks to the chinese.
Speaker 1:No, I heard. I heard a story that trump, one time trump's neighbor when donald was a little baby, came up, came outside um and found donald trump throwing rocks at her toddler who was in a playpen.
Speaker 2:No, fucking way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she came inside. She went inside to get a pie. She left her child outside in some sort of fence enclosure and she came outside and there was a chubby little Donald with a handful of rocks throwing it at the toddler.
Speaker 2:Actually, I'm barely mad at that. That's actually something.
Speaker 4:I did.
Speaker 3:I know I'm supposed to be mad there?
Speaker 2:I'm not that mad.
Speaker 1:How funny is that? I said it like it was gonna be like this mic drop moment and I laughed so hard I couldn't stop laughing. It would, it would be really funny with his, with his tiny little hands, his tiny little hands and tiny little rocks it would be even funnier if right.
Speaker 2:When the mom came out to fucking confront him, he just took off running. Took off running like trips down the block, running full speed away with his, with his big fat ass, and that perfectly quaffed hair he has. He has a down syndrome person's ass. I don't know why no one has said that he has a down syndrome person's ass. I don't know why no one has said that he has a down syndrome.
Speaker 2:Person's brain his ass is crazy dude. He has the ass of like a dominican cafeteria it is. It is unlike anything I've ever seen holy shit man.
Speaker 1:Oh fuck, all right, I gotta go. I'm in fucking tears, ah shit episode I'm sure there's.
Speaker 2:I'm sure there's like 23 minutes of this episode that we could use we did an hour and 15. We're gonna have to cut 90 just cut the part out where I start screaming in german yeah, the part where he said white supremacy. I think I'll have to cut that out um, all right, and I just finished my taco meat so I'm sure you did.
Speaker 1:I can hear it in the background. I can't wait to listen to this recording and be so mad at you. I'm gonna be so pissed.
Speaker 2:It'll be our best episode ever and it will just sound like I mean it's so ridiculous I think that I have noise canceling, like headphones that I bought in 2012 because I'm layering it.
Speaker 1:That's not what no noise canceling is yeah, all right, well um I'm gonna go I don't
Speaker 2:know, I don't. I don't even know what I'm gonna do now. Well, I don't even know what I'm gonna do now, but but I'm going to Dave's at my house. We're going to go throw the football outside. I'm going to go throw rocks at a kid and a play pen Shit man.
Speaker 1:That fucking we got to do that. Rfk Bernie Sanders.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I got to think about that. Tell Dave to fucking cut his hair. He looks ridiculous.
Speaker 1:Okay.