Have A Nice Day
Typically right about everything. Eventually. Just give it a minute.
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Have A Nice Day
Time for Me to Sucky-Sucky (feat. Ross and Chen)
you nasty little gremlins got extra time on this one. this is a fun one. also shout out USAID. I'm gunna miss the CIA slush fund. they were doing genuinely funny shite with that. who's gunna give elephants lsd and trick people with learning disabilities to murder hollywood actresses during tantric sex retreats? I'll miss you guys. RIP
Episode minutes:
- The fbi lol
- Spooky Season
- Donald Rumsfeld
Go follow Steven and Ross please. for real. please. If you don't... i just... please. they have my family
Ross IG: @rossbenwah_
Steven IG: @goodboysoup
talking with uh, mike cannon, uh, this weekend up at the port and we're talking about there's a group of uh. He's talking about these black israelites who because derrick carter, you know derrick, yeah, comic, he's like becoming a black israelite is he really?
Speaker 1:surely? Yeah, because he keeps. It is how he noticed it. There's two black dudes sitting with us in the in the green room in the port, and the same thing that derrick carter does. One of them quoted a bible verse and then they used like the hebrew version of like god. It was like yeshua or some shit, or the hebrew version of jesus, and I was like yeah, yeah no no not that it's like yeshua is like that's what like the hebrew bible call and so like the only people who do that.
Speaker 1:Especially if you're black, that's usually going to be a black Israelite. So, fucking Derek Carter started doing that shit and I was just asking him. I was like come on, dude, be honest with me. You're thinking about it. And he's like all right, I'm thinking about it. I was like I knew it, bro. I knew he was going to get into that shit. He.
Speaker 2:He's still at a point where he can dabble in, that you know.
Speaker 1:Can be recruited, yeah exactly that's what dabbling when you're young means.
Speaker 2:Hey man white guys go to, it's the same thing as when white guys go to Mormonism. It's just like oh, all, right you think Mormon.
Speaker 1:I was thinking more like when they joined their militia at Pep Boys.
Speaker 2:Yeah that's more extreme.
Speaker 1:I got a lot of guys who joined a militia after working at pet boys for a summer. You know what?
Speaker 3:do mormons take like new recruits? I feel like jews. It's also hard to get into jews oh, hell yeah, dude like jews jews don't want. They want pure blood like jews don't love.
Speaker 2:When people convert, it's very hard to uh, what's the word I'm looking for, like become jewish yeah, they do not make it easy no shit, you gotta fucking snip your penis.
Speaker 1:I think that's probably the stiffest barrier to entry out of any religion.
Speaker 2:Shout out to Jews. I love my career, so you know, big fan of you guys, I'll tell you this.
Speaker 1:Oh, just by appearing on this podcast. It's over, it's fine, they don't care.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you something that happened recently. I had to go to a synagogue for a thing.
Speaker 3:And in DC, DC, we're all around very free.
Speaker 2:Palestine, it's all. Fuck you free Palestine. And you walk into the synagogue and the first thing you see is like bring them home.
Speaker 1:You're like oh okay, don't free Palestine.
Speaker 2:And when the rabbi was giving his little speech and he was talking at one point he's like and the protectors of Israel? And he kind of paused and looked and we're all yeah, man, yeah, yeah, you're no one's challenging that. It was pretty wild it was pretty wild.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they have become a lot more militant than I expected. Like I, was talking to benji over.
Speaker 1:Uh, I think it was like after um the pittsburgh, like synagogue thing happened and they have gotten a lot more like strapped up. I was driving through georgetown and around two it was right around like the free palestine time and uh like when they were like marching around and there's a synagogue up in georgetown, they don't want around too. It was right around like the free palestine time and uh like when they were like marching around and there's a synagogue up in georgetown, trying to get to the comedy loft, and right as I was passing them they were like there was a bunch of a bunch of the hebrews, the hebes, if for short, but they were out there in front of the fucking temple and you know, in georgetown they're the ones with like the I don't know if that's like Orthodox Curls.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they got the sign burns and shit. It's like what do you call it?
Speaker 1:I don't think those are.
Speaker 2:Hasidic. They're not Hasidic or like what you see in Williamsburg.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, no.
Speaker 2:Those are Hasidic Orthodox.
Speaker 1:Colonial.
Speaker 2:Williamsburg, Williamsburg.
Speaker 1:New York. Oh, I was going to say that would be a crazy collab.
Speaker 2:That is acidic. The curls are acidic. Orthodox's tunnels.
Speaker 1:I think they were just Orthodox because they were kind of chill. But they were standing outside of the synagogue like what's up? And then this guy in front of me, there was a bunch of Palestinians yelling at them. But this guy in front of me stopped short and I fucking honked at him a little bit and I had my window down and the Jewish guys thought I was honking at them like being like go israel. And they all like turned to me like go israel, brother, go israel. And then all of like the free palestine people were staring at me and they were like what the fuck?
Speaker 1:and I was like ah it's like I just immediately heard the larry david music in the background just shoot both sides, dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was like I don't want either one of you here, dude. I was in a Safeway right by where I live and you know we're in DC when you have all those embassies, so there was like at one point there was a bunch of Israel people.
Speaker 1:Why don't you just give out our address? That's a podcast. Anybody wants to come visit but these guys there was like these Israel dudes.
Speaker 2:They were clearly Israel. And they came to Safeway and they just walked in. They're like what's up, bro, we love america, we love like dapping us all up. It's like, dude, we all hate you here, like yeah they don't understand.
Speaker 1:They think to them not me.
Speaker 2:They think over there, there, that we're america's just. We're all over here being like fuck yeah, yeah, no, it's just our government, it's just our federal government.
Speaker 1:And then like and the oil?
Speaker 1:companies I love that mixture of like uh, I was reading something I think it was in the atlantic, but they had uh, there's like this sect of militant christianity, like the real fundamentalist christianity, who are like every day just pumping like the pro-israel stuff because they genuinely want to encourage a uh, a war, like a nuclear war, holy war, yeah, between israel and the countries in the region, because they think that a nuclear war will bring on the second coming of christ. So they're like there's a guy did you see that shit about the red heifers, where they they mailed them like three red heifers. Like there's a guy in Texas who's been growing the perfect red cow for Israel for like 20 years.
Speaker 1:Like getting prepared for like it was like a millennia. It was some sort of special moon, some fucking bullshit.
Speaker 3:What do you mean? What is that? In the Torah or something, there's a red cow.
Speaker 1:In the Torah there's three red cows and they slaughter them and that's the opening of the gates. And after that and this was in the heart of Israel going hard in Gaza, you know what I mean. And there's just some dude in Texas just being like I can't wait for them to see these cows.
Speaker 2:Those little dudes in the funny hats over there are going to love these cows dude, I worked really hard on these cows yeah, I worked really hard on the. Look how good these cows are and they're in israel, just like america loves us.
Speaker 1:Look at these beautiful cows.
Speaker 2:They said this there's not a speck of white on them, they're completely red I'm talking like that in israel it's so funny to go to israel and it's just a bunch of brooklyn jews running around like a bunch of yeah, yeah, no.
Speaker 1:Apparently they're pretty like anti-america over there but okay in israel or anti-christian I don't know about anti-american, but like anti-christian makes sense yeah they better tighten up, dude, because we're fucking give they better that's what I better start being like we're fucking.
Speaker 2:They better start watching our movies more. Yeah, that's all I'm saying palestine needs to.
Speaker 1:Palestine needs to make a good pitch to us and be like we fucking. Hey, we accept that jesus was the messiah. All right, these guys, they, they didn't even like fucking call him the messiah. You know that might get us on their side. That annoys me, that they don't like us.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we should be nicer to China though too. Are they pro-Christian in China? No, but they pay all our bills. We owe them so much money. China's going to shut our lights off.
Speaker 1:I've been looking into it. We mostly owe ourselves money. I've been looking at the debt. It's like 60% of the debt we just owe ourselves. We owe the debt to our own federal agencies, like when they're talking about the 33 trillion dollar debt. I'm having an economist on next week, so you guys watch that episode and I'll know more at that point yeah, but if you look at the, percentage of the debt. It's like 60 of the debt is just. We owe that money to our own federal agency what percent is china?
Speaker 1:it's foreign. All foreign governments combined is like less than 25, so yeah, it's it's 25 of trillions yeah, yeah, I I always, you know, I mean come and take it. You know, that's what I say to them come and take it if they had to do like full-blown. It would be so funny if china was just in charge of us tomorrow, like if they like. So we invaded and we won.
Speaker 3:We're banned in charge now.
Speaker 1:Like if they just had to deal with rednecks in like Stafford Virginia, like if that was just like that, that was, they were in charge of that now and they had to go down there and they're like, so are you going to fix the Wi-Fi? Or like, who is doing that?
Speaker 3:Like who's building the 5G tower, because I don't want to there, and they're like so are you gonna fix the wi-fi? Or like who is doing that?
Speaker 1:like those like who's building the 5g tower because I don't want to be gay, all right, so don't be. And they're just like what.
Speaker 2:The 5g tower doesn't turn you gay, it turns you jewish no, we're here to kill one of your children because you have too many.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's like all right, we'll take the fucking limp dick back there. A 19 year old doesn't do shit, still lives back here here. I mean that motherfucker can't get a job. They're going to have like a big cultural gap to figure out.
Speaker 2:If you guys gun to your head, had to choose another, like hey, you can no longer be American. Like if a spirit came to you. It was like hey, you're no longer an American, you have to pick one other country to be born, raised in, I'm not going anywhere, you wouldn't go anywhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, blow my brains out, Dude I would absolutely choose Jamaica.
Speaker 2:I would absolutely choose Jamaica, but you keep the skin color yeah, but I have like drag. I grew up in Jamaica. Yeah, you would want to be a white guy in Jamaica I used to have a bit about you, like when you watch Jamaican politicians. They look like our politicians. They look like.
Speaker 1:Ted.
Speaker 2:Cruz's's like white guys, white guys with like combed over hair, yeah. And then they like get up in front of them like we don't want no more war, we ain't taking no more. You're like holy shit.
Speaker 3:It's a mind fuck dude. It's like if you watched our politicians and talk with jamaican accents.
Speaker 1:It's wild dude, it's a good jamaican accent.
Speaker 2:I'll show you guys clips after this yeah, I hours when I used to get hired I'd just watch hours of Jamaican politicians arguing and it's just white dudes in ties and it's like they're calling each other rude boys and shit you being a rude boy.
Speaker 1:Right now we're not saying nothing about that.
Speaker 2:You're no rude boy, you're like whoa.
Speaker 1:It sounds kind of Irish when they do that the Jamaican accent. When you slow it down a little bit they kind of sound like they're a little bit of a touch on the nose?
Speaker 2:Yeah it does. It's a little bit of a jig to it. Yeah, easy, easy. I don't think we do that, but I would choose Jamaica. Dude, Can you be a full blown Jamaican? Who would you be? I?
Speaker 3:think I'd go Canada. Okay, nice and easy, switch It'll be, and then sneak back into America. Soon enough, we'll take it.
Speaker 1:I saw something and this is probably going to be pretty funny. Did you see the video of that woman? First of all I was going to say is that one of the provinces in Canada over the next 10 years is most likely going to become American. I think it's Ottawa, or it might be Calgary. It might be Calgary, but it's one of those ones Is that bad?
Speaker 3:Was that a good accent? Calgary, or it might be calgary? Uh, it might be calgary, but it's one of those ones that I've had calgary.
Speaker 1:Calgary, one of those provinces, the one that produces all the oil, pays for everything in canada. They subsidize all of the canadian everything and in canada's constitution. All you have to do is say we don't want to be canadian anymore and they can leave. And so they've been like going into, like into Parliament to Justin Trudeau and being like, hey, no, we're getting ready to become American, and so they're going to leave and join.
Speaker 2:America. Can they do that though? Can they be like hey, we're done here, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:They can no vote or anything, and it's the one that makes the most money?
Speaker 1:America would be pretty sick dude.
Speaker 2:We already have pretty loose borders With them.
Speaker 1:Apparently we got two loose borders everywhere. I never got.
Speaker 3:Cause Canada's just Canada's. Just like we got the bad rap growing up With like South Park and stuff when people shitting on Canada. I was like they're exactly the same.
Speaker 1:They speak a little funny, and some of them just speak.
Speaker 3:French, which is fucked.
Speaker 1:But like.
Speaker 3:But I was like they're just up there just a little more.
Speaker 2:There are some parts of canada where they don't even like speak english, and they're rednecks too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like they're, like we make them seem like pussies.
Speaker 3:They're like they're tough sons of bitches just because they're polite. It's like oh, they apologize. It's like yeah, but they also survived, like the harshest winter ever dude, and they live like they're so isolated from everything. Yeah they're like Alaskans.
Speaker 1:They're like Alaskans, you know. I mean like everything, all of Canada is like cut off into pieces, so like you can't get to the other parts of Canada right, like they don't have like roads that operate year-round to go from. Like you can't go from like ottawa to vancouver year round, or maybe not ottawa, but like um montreal, to like vancouver year round, because the roads are so fucked you gotta come down and then yeah, pop back around.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's fucking nuts right there. If I was to sell drugs, I would do it through. I would go to ship them to canada, right, yeah, why? Well, you hear stories about people just crossing the border to get coffee, you know I think canadians are pretty fucking tough on shit like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, if you get caught it's harder to bring it in to go. I feel like it's easier, maybe, to come back.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I can't get into canada. You got fucking dui. They won't let you in there are you serious?
Speaker 3:yeah, I had you, I I went. They might not let you live there really, or like you might have trouble.
Speaker 1:My dad was going bear hunting one time, so maybe this is just a fake story. He always told me but he was going bear hunting one time up there and the guy he drove with had a dui and when they went to finally cross the border like eight hour drive and went to cross the border and they fucking turned them back around. That's crazy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't think. I don't know if that would ever be the case, unless it was like a there's, like there's a worn out for your arrest you've done it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there might have been a little bit more to the story. Yeah, I think it was it was. Now I'm looking back on it that might have been a pause because of my dui.
Speaker 2:That might have been a bad story. You know what I mean also he may. Maybe he had a dui, but also he or maybe he got a dui, maybe he was drunk crossing the border and they're like pal you in here, drunk Turns out. They don't let you go with a DUI.
Speaker 1:You know you can't drink and drive into Canada.
Speaker 3:Yeah and that story slowly became like you can't have a DUI in Canada, All right fuck.
Speaker 2:I love when you hear things like that as a kid that you just run with Like, oh, that's the fact. Like my grandmother said, if you sleep with socks on at night, like that's what invite the spirits in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is complete, and you can't cover your. I cover my feet every night before I go to sleep, right, right, but I don't?
Speaker 2:I try not to sleep with socks on To this day. It's because I'm like it's going to let spirits in here. But now.
Speaker 3:Are spirits afraid of toes? It's like I feel like having them off would welcome. It's like don't sleep naked because then the spirits will come and fuck you.
Speaker 1:It's just yeah, Dude, I can't sleep naked. No, not socks.
Speaker 2:Shoes at the end of your bed. If you put your shoes at the end of your bed, that's what it was.
Speaker 1:Oh they'll come. Yeah, I still won't sleep with mirrors facing me. Dude, my girl Dude.
Speaker 3:I had to sit at Door open, closet open Hell. No, no way.
Speaker 2:The girl I'm seeing. She has a mirror at the end. You almost dropped, girlfriend. The girl I'm seeing has a mirror at the end of her bed and I said to her one time I'm like doesn't that freak you out?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's.
Speaker 2:You can't do that and she didn't would have freaked me out, like you're not afraid of like looking in the mirror and seeing someone like there's a demon in there.
Speaker 1:And then it crawls out and it fucking sucks your toes off. Yes, dude, what are you so scared? And then?
Speaker 2:she was like well, great, now I'm gonna think about that forever. I'm like you should.
Speaker 3:You should have welcome to the real world.
Speaker 1:You know that's like the real world there's stuff that I can't like tell my girlfriend with stuff like that, like like spooky stuff, because I know it's a fuck her up dude and then she'll be hard to sleep around there was um the crazy get into this. I love the creepiest thing that I fucking heard in a long time was, uh, during the helter skelter murders. Before they started doing murders, I think they had murdered someone way earlier.
Speaker 1:So the charles manson clan they had murdered somebody way earlier, but then during like this time period before the next batch of murderers, they would break into people's houses and just move stuff around and and the whole goal was to get was to move it around and not get caught and then move out and then, like the person would wake up the next day and they'd be like, why is that vase in that corner? And, dude, the manson family had just been in your house like fucking hanging out and then left.
Speaker 3:Bro, do they know that? Were they letting people know that they were doing that to people?
Speaker 1:or you're just like this is weird like years later you're just like oh, it was after. They were like oh yeah, by the way, like we during like all throughout california. You imagine reading that later you mentioned finding that information.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh my god, that that's why that cabinet was over there. Yeah, it's like clap. Yeah, well, I did that to somebody one time.
Speaker 1:I didn't mean to. We were in, um, well, no, we did mean to, but we were in atlantic city and we were fucking. I had, I was supposed to be taking ecstasy, but I had never taken whatever I was taking. So a bunch of white trash people from fucking western pennsylvania would go down to ocean city right, classic trash people thing to do. And the girls my, the girl I was seeing at the time, her sister, brought down like two absolute sketch balls and they brought us some drugs and so I thought I was going to be doing ecstasy and I now looking back it was for sure like either like pcp or like, but there was also like a little bit of like hallucinatory aspect to it.
Speaker 1:I was like doing like acid pcp. I don't know what I did, but it was fucking not. It was not ecstasy and we just like went on the boardwalk causing mayhem the entire time and at one point we fucking climbed a phone booth which led right next to this deck that you could get on. We got into the house, fucking opened the sliding door no one was in there turned to the couch around and then, fucking everybody jumped out and we ran away, ran down the street.
Speaker 2:That's a good bit. In college we were coming back from a party and we picked up it was me, me, three dudes, and then we ran into just five strangers and they were trying to move, just move the bot to the car, the greatest experience of dudes just coming together, all of us without a word was said. We ran over and helped them, and we turned this person's car 180.
Speaker 1:Imagine waking up this morning like what the fuck this is like a Mini Cooper.
Speaker 2:You don't think like oh, eight dudes did this as a joke, you're like what the fuck?
Speaker 1:to this day, one of the greatest bits that was our senior prank was we had a girl with a smart car and we went to try to move her smart car and I never forget kevin marley. He played at uh fuck, I think he played at um odu. Uh, he was my, he was my center fucking great player dude, but he was like let's fucking move the smart car. So like eight football players went to go like lift this smart car and I mean we moved it far.
Speaker 1:Like it's surprising, when you have eight dudes, how easy they move around and we were cycling in and so like I mean it wasn't different parking lots, but we were moving it pretty far, and then the bumper just ripped off and fucking everybody dropped it and so then that made somebody else rip it off, and it's the old smart car.
Speaker 2:So the bumper ripped off, this fucking side panel ripped off and we all bolted in different directions and then we got so much when in doubt run away dude yeah, everybody sprinted away speaking of senior prank.
Speaker 1:You remember your senior prank.
Speaker 3:I don't think we we didn't have one. We had a the year before us did a bomb threat and that didn't work out. That's probably so great that didn't work out for the dudes that did that.
Speaker 2:So I think we were chill. The kid my sophomore year called did a bomb threat joke to a girl he had a crush on over AIM.
Speaker 1:What was it AIM he made?
Speaker 2:a joke. He's like don't go into school tomorrow, there's going to be a bomb. And she went to her mom and was like, reported it and they called the cops. The next day, first period, we had like fed cars pull up and they took this rich kid too, took this kid out with a black hood over his head're like holy shit, that's Danny.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was wild, it was, oh my god, great he's doing great. Yeah, he's in Guantanamo Bay.
Speaker 2:He got fucking he had to listen to Limp Bizkit. It just goes to show you if you have enough money. He got back in that school, yeah, yeah, but they said go away for you where'd you go?
Speaker 1:like Braddock, yorktown.
Speaker 3:Yorktown. Yeah, I had a buddy, though that similarly like wasn't a bomb threat, but he jokingly requested someone money or sent someone money on venmo and was like bomb making materials and the person who sent it didn't get in any trouble, but they froze his the guy who received its venmo account no, and then he was like under investigation and he had like coincidentally ordered like a simple g shock watch from like, like Amazon. Oh my God In the past months and they were like that's a very common like watch for bomb makers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what they call no bombs.
Speaker 3:And then like his whole life's fucked up. Like everything was fine. Afterwards they were being like my friend's a fucking idiot.
Speaker 2:But it was like so silly that, like the person who requested or sent him money was like he also ordered wicks from amazon, really long wicks again another story of someone being like, yeah, they thought I was making. It's like, well, you did order he was making bombs. He's just yeah, that the vemo, and like a bunch of gunpowder it's how incompetent the fbi is.
Speaker 1:I every time I think that the fbi is like doing its job. I just remember, like, do you remember? Did you guys ever see that like the boston marathon bombers? Do you ever like hear the story about what happened with the boston marathon bombers?
Speaker 3:no, no they like.
Speaker 1:The fbi recruited those guys they like went down to a like a fight, if you can, in boston. They were dagastani, so they fucking, they recruited those guys, then they fucking recruited those guys, then they radicalized those guys. They paid for trips for them to go back and forth to Dagestan, and they fucking got further in the plan than the FBI had anticipated for they lost them for a little bit, and then the fucking Boston Marathon bombings happened, and then two.
Speaker 3:And they're like that's us. They're like oh, those are our boys, those are our boys.
Speaker 1:And the calls start going out and they're like there they are. Oh shit, Do you imagine working at the FBI and you see their faces pop up and you realize you haven't texted them in two days and you're like being at your desk, just being at your desk, and fuck.
Speaker 2:Just being at your desk and like you see them on the TV. And then you look at your email and you're getting like urgent emails on, like this outlook Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ding. Urgent Like oh fuck yeah.
Speaker 1:Look up the FBI, those bomb guys, they ended up. One of the witnesses who, like supposedly the FBI, the FBI had helped use it throughout the case. One of the witnesses who was like best friends with the two brothers died in custody from questioning because he reached for a vase and they thought that they were going to kill him with the vase. They fucking shot him. They killed him. Where's that dude?
Speaker 2:It's so goofy.
Speaker 1:It's so goofy, our government yeah, and then you see them in dc with like a tie-on on a scooter. It's that joke you know, and they're like and you're like that guy. That guy helped assassinate donald. They tried to help assassinate donald trump.
Speaker 2:Like that guy tried to cover up waco. Like it's like a dude. It's sweet green.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's like you know the bad guy the government doesn't even work as well as like businesses, because that that's like even like Trump's thing is like we're going to run the country like a business, but also every business, even the good ones. You get in there and you're like no one knows what the fuck they're doing, like my manager doesn't know how to use the computer and they're also retarded.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's like, it's like the government. You just have to accept that large groups of people, they're not very effective my day job is a lot.
Speaker 2:I mean again, this is just software but I deal a lot with like the dod. It's like one of the main agencies I work with.
Speaker 1:And when I tell you you're just selling them porn blocking software.
Speaker 2:It's like all the do I'm telling I get it maybe these guys represent a very small part of the dod, but I'm working'm working with I'm like, like idiots Like dudes who I'm like, I have to get on the phone with and explain numbers to you know what I mean. They're like well, I don't understand why. This is why the total is here. I'm like well, this is what you, if you see they're idiots.
Speaker 1:You got to explain, like accounting to them. You're like well, that's a debit and that's a credit. He's like what's that? Why are you guys even using Okta? He's like what's that period? And then there's a couple numbers after.
Speaker 2:You're like those are cents.
Speaker 3:He's like oh okay, what are those?
Speaker 1:I was talking to a guy last night after the show. Fucking did the show with Jason Ellis, big gay MMA guy. I mean I mean will fuck you in the ass, but yeah, he's a big dude. He's a big dude. I mean, I was shocked.
Speaker 3:The guy you're talking about, or the comedian, the comedian that's what I'm.
Speaker 2:That's why I'm saying it is because it's like that guy's from like Tony Hawk pro skater, yeah he's.
Speaker 1:He does a podcast with, uh, tony Hawk. They're like best friends, but he's like too big for escape. You see him for like you're like you were on a skateboard, you're fucking gigantic. How'd you get up in the air the big fucker. And. But there was a guy there whose girlfriend was clearly trying to get fucked by anybody. It was wild.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so sad Bopping around to like all like manager just trying to get attention Pretty weird. But the guy was very nice and he was an FAA guy and I was asking him. I'm like, okay, so what happened with Reagan? And he was like you know I mean most probable maybe solution that could possibly have been it was they were wearing night vision and got blinded for a second and the pilot panicked and pulled up and he's like but they had like three near misses on that route, like they had almost hit like two other planes yeah, and they were like it was the captain and he was like kind of think that, kind of think that they didn't want to release it.
Speaker 1:But it's a chick, I think the chick just fucking wanted to go. It's like he was like I think that they didn't want to release it, but it's a chick, I think the chick just fucking drove it.
Speaker 3:I don't want it to go.
Speaker 1:He was like she might have just been on her period and fucking flew that thing right into a plane. Dude, it's fucked man. The flashlight just hits her in the eyes. It's like, oh my God, it just fucking slams into a plane. This is where Steven leaves.
Speaker 3:He's like I don't want to be associated with this tragedy. Well, I got to piss, but I'm also curious if you're in the frame, so I wanted to test that Frame check.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, see if I'm in the frame, I can see my head yeah.
Speaker 2:I thought I had you before.
Speaker 3:Dead center dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:This sweet spot. I'm still going to piss. Yeah, go ahead. You can use my bathroom. By the way, too, I got to piss too. I'm going to piss after you, I'm going to sit in this chair while you do Dude back to, while Steven takes a piss, back to creepy stories, because we talk about creepy stories all the time. Uh-huh, I had a creepy story. I bought a rug at a flea market.
Speaker 1:This was like two months ago to this dude bought this rug at the georgetown flea market. Wouldn't even consider old iranian guys selling these like really nice, like vintage rugs, and I see a super nice rug for like 50 bucks yeah someone got butchered on it. Listen, you fucking flip over the rug. You flip over the rug and there's a pentagram drawn on the bottom of it, like, just like a temple, to like baphomet's home everything about this story.
Speaker 2:Now I look back on I'm like that was the creepiest thing I've ever done it's a portal to baphomet's house.
Speaker 1:Looking at this rug like drew my attention, I'm like looking at this rug dude, this is every, this is every fucking demon possession movie. What are you doing? I know, dude, oh my god, I know, I know, dude, I'm like look it, like drew me.
Speaker 2:I'm like looking at, at this rug, and then the Iranian guy pops out and over.
Speaker 1:He's like you, like the rug, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I'm like, yeah, I'm like 50 bucks. He's like, yeah, it's for you 40, 40.
Speaker 1:Free. Just get it out of my shop.
Speaker 2:I buy this $40 rug I'm walking away being it in my place within two hours. I start to feel weird. I start to feel like heavy, like I'm like something like you know I don't know how to put it.
Speaker 1:You know, like when you like you, you, I think we have like six cents yeah, you, I just feel just me, and you, or everybody just well, I think just me and you have six cents.
Speaker 2:I started to feel heavy and like just off like oh my god weird, like something, like something was, like you know, like like closed in on oh my god dude I go to bed that night and I'm laying in my bed and I was could not, I couldn't fall asleep yeah I felt like something was wrong, like just like anxiety, like something was fucking wrong, yeah and I keep looking at this fucking rug oh my god dude. The next morning I woke up, the first thing I did I barely slept. The first thing I did, I barely slept. The first thing I did is I folded up this rug and tossed it in the trash.
Speaker 1:Holy shit, dude. And immediately.
Speaker 2:I got rid of that rug Felt 100% better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, dude Crazy, I genuinely I believe in juju, shit like that.
Speaker 2:And that rug had bad juju, Easy with the juju, but yeah, like I mean people curse things like all the time dude.
Speaker 1:I got a couple stories. I helped the gypsy woman one time. She was out in like the road like wandering around. It was real hot, it was like during the summertime and she was like you could tell that there was like something kind of like off about her. And she's like I've been walking, I've been walking and I was just like oh my God, dude. But like her face was cartoonishly gypsy.
Speaker 1:Like big nose, like the boils, like fucking, like she had like these gold earrings In a hunchback.
Speaker 1:And so I help her, like stand up, and I get her some water and I bring her some stuff and like I'm like here, come inside, like to my office, and I like sit her in a chair and stuff, I'm like I'm gonna get you water. And I like bring her water and like all this stuff. And she's like slowly revives and then like all, but like, as she's like reviving, I can like see her kind of like watching me, like seeing what I'll do next, you know. And so I like bring her some water and I'm like, are you okay? And she goes, hold hold my hands for a second, hold my hand. And she's like thank you so much, you, you're so sweet, I needed this. And she drinks the water and then all of a sudden she's like where are you from? And I tell her and she starts describing where she's from, in Turkey and all of this stuff. Every time I name something, she's like oh, I know people from there, yeah, yeah yeah, and I'm just like huh.
Speaker 1:And then all of a sudden, everyone else has seen this commotion at this point and finally other people start coming out in the office and she just like pops up and she's like, oh no, I'm fine, this young boy like helped me. She's like, hey, I'm fine, the young boy helped me. And she like fucking Pat's like the back of my hand and then like looks at me and then fucking walks out and I was just like I almost got jinxed. She was going gonna jinx me bro, she didn't know she didn't know.
Speaker 2:I went to confession right after that. I was like get the fuck out of here. I'm going full-blown holy water you're out of your goddamn mind. Yeah, you're a better man than I would have. I would have been like that's a witch. I'm pushing her down, yeah, yeah, I pushed her down again.
Speaker 1:Whatever that is on the side of the road but she just like she kind of popped up like real quick. You know like when other people started coming and I fucking and got holy water, it was like absolutely not, dude, you can't mess with that stuff.
Speaker 3:I'm pro-cursing people. I don't even believe it, but if someone's mean to me you could just yell at them.
Speaker 1:But if you just go.
Speaker 3:I curse you. It's like your family will know death. I curse you. They'll just be freaked out. Afterwards they'll just be like what the fuck was that that?
Speaker 2:was so your family will know death that is so much scarier than I'll kill your family.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and you smile.
Speaker 2:I say well, your family will know death the pain that your family will know has no bounds dude, if I didn't know you and you did that to me and I was walking off, I'd look to whoever I'm with being like I think something bad's gonna happen. I don't know why I grab, I take that guy, grab you and I bring you with me seriously and I I'm.
Speaker 1:The only thing that might like make me hesitant is I would be afraid that, as I went to grab you, you'd turn into wisp yeah, yeah yeah disappear yeah, we used to uh my. My dorm room was right next to because I went to like benedictine catholic college, so it was like fucking uh what the fuck does that even mean?
Speaker 3:so they're monks, they're benedictine monks, and you keep saying, benedictine, like it's, I'm gonna tell you about it. Oh so I just don't know what that fucking conversations were so yeah, I just like, should I know what a benedictine?
Speaker 2:yeah, it sounds like a, a Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I honestly wasn't going to tell you, but now I'm Breakfast.
Speaker 1:They're the ones with like the shaved no, those are Franciscans, but they did. A lot of them had like the tunics, like these black tunics with like a little rope around it.
Speaker 2:And the.
Speaker 1:Benedictines are one of the oldest like monk, whatever you call it order of monks in the Catholic Church. They started in the 300s and they got kicked out of the Roman Empire because they went full communist. So they're really into taking care of people.
Speaker 3:Like believing the actual Bible. Yes, exactly, they're actual Catholics, the least according to your means all of that shit.
Speaker 1:If you come to them, they have to take care of you. They will take you in. They will give you everything. They have Full vow of poverty. They will take you in. They will give you everything. They have Full vow of poverty. They're real Catholics. And they're fucking so sick. But they make their own beer. They're fucking. They'll hang out with the students. They try not to fuck them. That's nice, but like they're Try.
Speaker 2:It's mostly Try.
Speaker 1:It's mostly gay guys and you weren't allowed to be a gay guy.
Speaker 2:Now you're a monk. Now you're fighting it at all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but the monastery was from like the 1800s, and so they have this beautiful cathedral. That is like fucking, I mean you're driving to bumfuck western pennsylvania. There's nothing, nothing, nothing. And then there's an 1830s cathedral that rises out. It looks like fucking, fucking Harry Potter.
Speaker 3:I mean I'll show it to you. It's a creepy dude.
Speaker 1:Massive dude and so my dorm was right next to it, but we could get to the cathedral in the middle of the night, we could get to it anytime, because there was, uh, like, not tombs, but like, um, like like alleyways, like what do they fucking call them? Um, the fuck, fuck, dude, there's tunnels there, regardless. I forget what they used to call them.
Speaker 1:It was like the cata, the catacombs you get to them through the catacombs and so you go all the way down into, like, the basement of our building, and then you could fucking get into it and like, dude, I mean you would have to like do a lot of shit to get to the bottom of them, and so we would take acid and fucking sneak into that cathedral.
Speaker 2:The worst idea I've ever heard in my life.
Speaker 1:It was.
Speaker 1:We had the spookiest experience of my fucking life that has ever happened. But before, okay, I got to tell you this first. This is a terrible storytelling. The dorm room we stayed in the seventh floor had burned down because they had done some sort of seance when a kid on the seventh floor. No one lived up in the seventh floor.
Speaker 1:I lived on the sixth floor but on the seventh floor a kid had done a seance in the 50s and the entire dorm had burned around him and his body was completely like untouched, like he had lit like candles around it and done like a bunch of like he was trying to summon like a demon or some shit and was like had like all these markings on the walls and shit. Everything in the seventh floor burned down except for his body. His body was like completely preserved and there was like an old exorcist. There was a priest who only specialized in exorcists on the fucking campus and whenever people would talk about that he was like always happy and talking to you and if you brought that up he would just shut down and he'd be like no, we don't.
Speaker 2:I don't want to talk about that. I don't want to talk about that. Why?
Speaker 3:are you doing acid within 300 miles of that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, dude, bad call, bad call. Dude doing acid on a day.
Speaker 2:I took acid with a buddy one time. This was in Arlington and we were walking around. At like 1 in the morning we just walked into the emergency room of a hospital. The worst idea we were like wearing bandanas and shit and we just like walked in to chaos, to like the worst things and we're just immediately like. People are like looking up, this is how fucking crazy. We looked in the emergency room. People were like what are you doing, People?
Speaker 3:people looked at us like what are you guys doing here? That's how fucking nuts. Yeah, horrible, horrible idea here for the vibes.
Speaker 1:Well, we thought it would be cool, but then, like, because we're like, yeah, yeah, we'll go into the catacombs and then, once you get into the catacombs, dude, you're talking about that feeling of heaviness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, bro, you could feel like we found out later that in the catacombs that's where they used to do abortions for the nuns that the fucking monks would impregnate. So like I mean, this is just like the most horrific place ever, dude, and you could just feel the energy in there start to like suffocate in like the like the bad news bears were all over you and at the end of the hallway there's just this red door. I'm with my best friend I've known since I was five.
Speaker 1:It was just this red door at the end of it circular like a door to hell and we're sitting there and I'm like we got to go through that door and he's like I'm not going through that door oh yeah we have to go through that door, dude, and we need to get to the end. Okay, that's the only way we can get inside the church.
Speaker 1:Let's go to the door and he's like I don't want to and I'm like, come on, dude, we're going and we just are walking and as we get closer dude, it's getting so fucking hot like I'm being dead serious you can feel the heat emanating from it and like, as you go further down the tunnel, it's getting hotter and hotter until it's like we're sweating as we're walking, and I mean full blown, like you know, you have like that when you're on psychedelics. You have like telekinesis and like you can feel it.
Speaker 2:You're like, oh, this is a door to hell, we're opening the gates to hell right now, yeah, and then, once that goes into your brain, that is now the reality.
Speaker 1:Yes, and the other person's on the reality with you. And we got to that circular red door and we fucking like you could feel the heat on it, like it was like burning your hand when you would touch the door, and we just like looked at each other and we're like, holy shit, dude, and we open it and, sure enough, there's just like two heaters right behind it that heat the entire church. Just pumping heat on us.
Speaker 2:What a relief, though, oh my.
Speaker 1:God, we laughed so fucking hard, and after that we were just having the best time.
Speaker 3:But then you go. I would never let you open that door, though I'd be like what are you doing? That's like when people are summoning shit around me. I say no, fucking thing.
Speaker 2:Who the fuck is?
Speaker 1:someone this has never happened, but just yeah in movies ouija boards. Fine, that's milton bradley but if they're lighting candles and play with being like we're gonna bring something.
Speaker 3:I go, you have a nice time yeah, yeah, don't welcome it even.
Speaker 2:You know, just be safe in the movies when they, when the people who invite, give the spirit, give the demon the gateway. Why is the demon always kill them, right? Yeah every movie, when they open it, the demon comes and they obviously die. It's like wouldn't the demon be like?
Speaker 1:well, thank you. Yeah, we're doing this metaphorically speaking.
Speaker 2:It's because, like the evil that you're inviting into the world, like it, it hates, it doesn't respect yeah, yeah it doesn't care, like that's what this guy, yeah, to get more of them, yeah, and rather than just kill one.
Speaker 1:And Evil's all about chaos. So then it comes in and it's like, oh fucking for sure, killing you Also speaking of religious figures?
Speaker 2:why? No matter what religion?
Speaker 1:they all like kids. I don't even think that's wrong.
Speaker 2:It's just like Eddie dude, do you remember?
Speaker 1:when the Freemasons the Dalai Lama do you remember that video?
Speaker 2:Yeah, he kissed that kid on the tongue, he sucked the kid's tongue. Yeah, like, why is that?
Speaker 1:We've got a clip of me doing the Dalai Lama and sucking it doing the.
Speaker 3:But Gandhi Give me the tongue.
Speaker 1:I would suck it, but I'd now. But I've retired that voice.
Speaker 3:I think Power.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like it shows with celebrities and stuff.
Speaker 1:If you get bored yeah, because it's not just religions.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but religions I think also it's like you have that's like just Access to a lot of kids, more access where you can do that to children. They're probably not like I feel like celebrities run through as, like I can do anything, but children are the ones. That's like the only next level of like what can I do that I haven't done maybe yeah, have you read that?
Speaker 1:have you guys ever read that book? The franklin scandal. It's all about um omaha, omaha, nebraska, home of um. Who's the fucking guy? Uh, who's the investor? Warren buffett home of warren buffett. So in omaha, nebraska, about how he goes to mcdonald's.
Speaker 2:By the way, I hate that story what you know the story about Warren. Buffett and how he's like. He doesn't spend a lot. He goes to every day.
Speaker 1:Lives in the same house he's had for 50 years, goes to McDonald's and just gets his regular.
Speaker 2:He's a simple guy, I'm like that is a bad guy. So he's evil for fun? Yeah exactly, he's saving his money. He doesn't even give it to his kids.
Speaker 1:He just does it to accumulate things. You autistic nightmare.
Speaker 2:I hate when people are just like Warren Buffett doesn't spend money on.
Speaker 1:It's open season on guys like that, so you can kill that guy if you want, but Omaha where he's from and he is you killing Warren Buffett?
Speaker 2:No, that was a joke I tried to do way back when that first happened and no one thought it was funny, but I don't tell the joke.
Speaker 1:it doesn't seem like it's doing well on here either.
Speaker 2:No, that's about how it went did it twice and I said you know what topical stuff is not my forte. Maybe it's a writing problem now.
Speaker 1:What happened in the?
Speaker 1:omaha franklin scandal. Omaha boys club I think it's the omaha boys or Omaha Center for Young Boys, and Warren Buffett sponsors it. They help get kids who are going into foster care or who are orphans. They give them families and shit and help get them families and there was like three or four families who were taking those young boys and giving them to this handler who was like a local banker slash politician in nebraska and then ended up becoming a congressman for nebraska and they would fly these kids around.
Speaker 1:Two people ended up getting busted for it but then, like a lot of the other allegations in the book, everyone's like, well, that didn't happen. And it's like, okay, well, two people did get arrested and go to jail for a long time for this, but they were flying like these little kids from fucking warren buffett's little school I don't want to associate him with it, but I'm pretty sure he's a part of it flying them into like dc and they would just be like the little waiters and waitresses for the parties, like young kids yeah and then you know, I mean, why the fuck else would they be carrying drinks and stuff?
Speaker 2:and then, yeah, a couple of them were getting diddled I mean at that point, if you're, if you're having kids at a cocktail party, yeah, I think that goes, yeah yeah, I don't get it.
Speaker 1:It's gonna be a cocktail party coming, that's right later well, once you get a hundred million dollars, I think, then find out if you'd still be fine with of age. Yeah, yeah, people, yeah it's like life's hard enough. You know what I mean. Like if the idea the idea that like getting a kid is like the most forbidden thing. It's like there's plenty of forbidden things. You know.
Speaker 3:What's kind of scary now, though, is I think that, at least up until now and still now existing is that people would like think that with power, they can get away with anything. It's like we do that, yeah, but the scary thing is that'll just change the line maybe. Maybe people will stop doing it, but it was almost like with people who had like trump flags and stuff is like that exposed them yeah but now these people who would do that are still as evil as they are so you're saying it was, it's like now they'll stop doing it, but they're still as evil as that.
Speaker 1:It's like a nouveau rich problem where, like it used to be like really hoity-toity if you had a mercedes-benz, like you could only be a certain class of person to have a mercedes-benz, but then like people with like bad credits started getting mercedes-benzes. And the same thing with, like the kid fucking thing. It's like it used to be only for billionaires, but now there's like a couple hundred millionaires who started fucking kids like diddy and stuff, and you're just like, okay, well, I guess it's not that cool it's like what happened to gucci.
Speaker 2:I thought this was more exclusive uh, no, they started wearing it, I think.
Speaker 3:I think they'll just I think they'll just stop. It's not exactly, I think they'll stop. Stop, it's not exactly. I think they'll stop knowing they can't, your job's, your credit. People started doing it.
Speaker 1:And the billionaires were like you know what dude we got to find a new thing.
Speaker 2:Let's not do that anymore. Can we eat them? Let's start eating them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, maybe that's the next. We'll build big altars and fucking eat them.
Speaker 1:That's what I was hoping I did that Freemason show. Has anybody ever done that Freemason show?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have. I texted you. I'm like you gotta go sit in TJ's chair. I think it was at a different place. I think it was at a different venue. No, it was a big Mason Lodge. Okay, it might have been a different one.
Speaker 1:The one in DC right find it.
Speaker 2:I looked everywhere but I talked to those guys at the end, but did they were? Were they not like, don't go looking around?
Speaker 1:yes, and they were trying to be so secretive. And then I just hung around for like an hour and just by the end they started like kind of like opening up a little bit, because my grandfather was a mason or he was a shriner, so I think that like that's like the public facing one, they just like do charity for kids and shit but so, which is probably how they're all kind of dorks, that's dude, dude, it's just autistic guys. Yeah, they're just like literally, they had a whole hall we built we built this look how big
Speaker 1:history they had a whole, whole hallway of rocks, because they're masons, right. So they had a whole hallway of rocks that they've gotten from other countries and I was like you guys are just autistic. Yeah, like, yeah, like. This is just the most autistic shit I've ever seen.
Speaker 2:I worked at a snack bar and I would work at a snack bar in the summers in college and this kid, uh, who I worked with, who was just like a complete dork complete dork, love nice guy, complete dork, he was like he. He met one of the members and he got like invited to like all right, man, you want to be a mason, come be a man. And once he told me that I'm like oh, it's for like losers, like it's not it's not a mystery.
Speaker 3:You got in, yeah, yeah. But also, what are they clinging to? It's like, I know, like some of it, like freeman, they're like, oh, you built some of the craziest buildings, but I was like, what have you done lately? Yeah, yeah, there's no new good, no good shit.
Speaker 2:There's secrets are like the constitution was actually written with a a ferret feather, not a eagle feather you know, it's just like those are.
Speaker 3:Those are like their secrets. I'm dead soon. Those are their secrets. Yeah, it's not anything cool that anybody's and they told you and you're like, you're telling me this, you guys like oh you guys are just like the fun fact people. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't know what a secret is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't know what a secret is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or even something that's worth keeping secret.
Speaker 2:This is something you should be doing at your gay trivia night.
Speaker 1:Oh, you guys don't fuck kids. I know I'm like on the altar of Anubis.
Speaker 2:I thought you guys were like cool.
Speaker 1:I'm underneath the eye of Anubis on a giant altar and I'm like it's a wild. It's a wild thing.
Speaker 2:Dick Cheney had to suck Donald Rumsfeld off on this thing and it turns out they just did like a potluck there. It's such a bummer. They just all brought in different types of parliament paper that they just like to show each other, but when they did tell me when I yeah, that was creepy when I did it All the lights were off but I found a chair that they had roped off. They had a little thing, Maybe they were renting or something. It was a chair Thomas Jefferson owned.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's cool and it said do not sit in it. And I sat in that chair.
Speaker 1:And it immediately locks around your arms.
Speaker 2:And fucking Donald.
Speaker 1:Rumsfeld comes out of the floor and he's like time for me to sucky, sucky sucky and he's like known and unknown.
Speaker 2:No, he's trying to suck you dry. Oh my god, they were right. Get back in.
Speaker 1:Get back in they're like sorry, he's been weird ever since iraq. We can't get into this stuff trying to sucky sucky people. We told you not to sit in the chair all those are politicians, man.
Speaker 2:I you know.
Speaker 3:I met john mckinnon several times yeah, I think I told you this. I waited on him at Sonoma.
Speaker 2:He was the man dude. He was the coolest guy. Tell us about him.
Speaker 1:Just because you told us about him, tell the people in Thailand about him.
Speaker 2:The first experience I had with John McCain is I had to work a private party. It was pretty much a reunion of everybody and there was something on the top shelf he couldn't reach. No, that was another, that was another. That I'll tell you that one. Oh, that's a real one. I was kidding. I was just saying he couldn't reach the first time I waited on like he. It was like a reunion of everybody who ran with him. Like, yeah, his political party.
Speaker 1:And he got up and he like oh, I thought you meant the marine corps marathon, no, okay they gave a speech and he, and immediately it was like john came.
Speaker 2:He's like fuck, he's dropping f-bombs. He's like fuck, donald trump, fuck, I'm like all right this guy's kind of like the man and then I waited on him a second time at like a closed off dinner event and he dropped his fork and I'm like right by him and I'm watching john mccain like try to pick up.
Speaker 3:I'm like, do I?
Speaker 2:go, do I help pick up?
Speaker 3:do I help t-rox?
Speaker 2:yeah, do I help john mccain pick up his fork and I started to go. He's like I got it, I got it.
Speaker 3:You got it. You got it. Did you get him a new one? Because that's just basic service.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't.
Speaker 3:I've got to get you a new one.
Speaker 2:anyways, I was not very good at that job and Ross just stared at him like he was some freak. This weird old guy he's an orangutan at a zoo who had? To use a stick and some gum to get his fork because he couldn't move his arms. What's up with this old man? Why can't he fucking think of a fork? I'm like an idiot. What the fuck.
Speaker 1:I didn't do well as waiting tables. I think when you're at a certain age, you're either going to end up as a construction kid or a waiting tables kid. I remember I was in between construction jobs and I started working at this place called uncle julio's and I fucking I had a table. It was like two nice people and their baby and I came back about like 90 minutes later at one point and I was like did you guys?
Speaker 3:I mean genuinely like Are you guys ready to order? We've been here for two hours.
Speaker 1:Did you guys get your food Because they had ordered and they were like no. I was like are you guys ready for the check? And they're like we haven't gotten our food.
Speaker 2:Oh, dude, I was like why did you wait?
Speaker 1:I was like, oh my God. I was like that's crazy.
Speaker 2:Someone was supposed to bring it out. Oh, dude, I don't know if you know how this works. Someone was gonna bring you that, yeah, and then you never rang it in.
Speaker 1:I never rang it in and I ran in the back and I grabbed the first group of food that came out whoever brought, whatever food it was, they didn't get close to what they ordered at that point I grabbed some food and fucking brought it out there, just fajitas, whatever the fuck it. It was like a meal for 10 people, like two trays, like.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, for the long fajita plate for the long wait, they threw some extra shit in there and they were just like looking at, like none of this they had like a small child. They wanted like a, like a baby, like quesadilla.
Speaker 3:Why do we have a t-bone steak?
Speaker 1:yeah, I don't know, the system's weird. Sometimes it was like 15 things of chips and salsa. It was such a. There is no waiting for people who waited tables.
Speaker 2:The worst feeling is when you're slammed and you're looking at it and like you remember. And you look at a table and you're like they haven't gotten their food yet and you go to check. And as soon as you go to check you're like I never rang't gotten their food yet. And you go to check and as soon as you go to check you're like I never rang that fucking food in yeah. It's been like 45 minutes. Yeah, the worst feeling, dude oh my God, the worst feeling.
Speaker 1:What do you tell them at that point?
Speaker 2:You always got to go with. Hey guys, the kitchen's like really slammed. And it's like there and you're like yeah I worked at an apple, can I tell you, I saw the worst, the worst working. I've not set foot in applebee's since I worked at one, oh, the last day I got fired I was like I'm not well, I wasn't even mad, I'm like I'm never. I can't believe people eat at places like that yeah, that's awful.
Speaker 1:I love Applebee's. I don't know why you're saying such terrible things. Dude on a.
Speaker 2:Friday night Packed house. You would go to the kitchen. None of the grills would be on, it would just be 13 microwaves Blaring Microwaves going. Everything was just heated up in the microwave.
Speaker 1:What about when there's not that many people in there? Do they cook the food in a cooks were?
Speaker 2:sober enough. They would try and like turn the grill, but a majority of it was they always have if it works, it works. I watched a microwave frozen wings dude and then just put sauce on them yeah, those are good wings.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I usually do like them, but they always have like skin tags on like their eyes and stuff, and it's always like a guy being like I could have been a doctor and you're like dude, it's not.
Speaker 2:You're not though they wouldn't be lucky to get people like that these were people who were severely mentally handicapped, like dudes who couldn't like. We had a sous chef who was blind in one eye and deaf, so everything would just be. And you're just like what? How does this even?
Speaker 3:work. He's a sous chef. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's kind of good. It's like eating good in the neighborhood is the Applebee's thing, but also they're keeping the people out of your neighborhood by putting them in the kitchen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like we got them here. Listen, you're eating good in the neighborhood, but don't leave your kids around the neighborhood.
Speaker 2:This is not even a bit dude, this is not even a bit. We had a soup boy, full down syndrome, full down-trism, you know it was like he was a soup boy, he was really good with cameras.
Speaker 1:He made soup.
Speaker 2:Was he making the soup. All the soup came in bags and you would just pour it in and his job was just to stand by the soup station and you'd go go over and you'd hold out the bowl and he would. And he was so slow, dude, he was so fucking slow and there was nothing more irritating. You can't get mad because you just have to hold it out and he's like pee soup and you'd like draw it in and it was the most irritating fucking thing in the world.
Speaker 3:That's not even a job, that's. And that guy made the same amount of money. I did.
Speaker 1:You understand that guy was doing just as well as I was.
Speaker 2:It's not even a job, it's something that you would do in medieval times Like it's some shit they would do with like somebody with a learning disability in medieval times For six months I was like, oh, this is like a program. They're like no, we pay that guy. I was like what we pay that guy?
Speaker 3:Well, he was supposed to put it in the dispenser, but he was like I guess I'm the dispenser, yeah, you know. And they were like we can't tell him.
Speaker 2:He would fill up the hot. So his job was like to rip the things and he would just have to keep the soup things full and then, when you come by, he'd fill it. And then he would not fill up the hot soup containers so he would rip it open. You're just like dude. All right, please this is. This is I just need hot tomato basil soup.
Speaker 1:A lot of people have like beefs with people at their work, like throughout.
Speaker 2:That's ross's beef at work that's like his number one enemy. It wasn't beef. It was a confusing time in my life where you're like having maybe I'm wrong maybe maybe no one else has a problem with figured out. I don't have it figured out.
Speaker 1:You have to go up and give him a riddle. That's all one of his riddles and he's like you can have corn chowder.
Speaker 3:How do I get that job?
Speaker 2:I think this job my mouth, but I'm like we're paying that guy.
Speaker 3:We're splitting tips with this, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you walk outside there splitting tips with this guy, yeah, yeah, yeah, you walk outside.
Speaker 2:There's a bridge you can't cross because he's out there with two bags of soup like what.
Speaker 1:It was crazy dude. If they let martin phillips drive, they'll let anybody drive.
Speaker 2:Shout out martin phillips, check out our roads are not safe. Our roads could go wrong anytime no man, I I'm a big believer in like you can tell. You see it a lot in dc. If people was like their first job was like out of college or something like that, or like oh you never. You don't never had to hustle. You don't know what that, you don't know what it's like to have to deal with a soup guy like you.
Speaker 1:Don't know that, you don't know what it's like to solve a riddle to get chicken noodles.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you can just see it have you been to that coffee shop?
Speaker 1:uh, bitties and bows, didn't it close, did it close the one in georgetown? No, they've opened multiple locations. They're, they're expanding. It's going really well. I had never been to the one in georgetown. I was driving up from jacksonville and I happened to stop in a place.
Speaker 3:Uh, for coffee I said you know what?
Speaker 1:I need a cup of coffee. I'll walk. Walk in there, dude, and I fucking walk in, hungover as hammered dog shit. You know, I my flight is hard of COVID, so my flight had been like canceled multiple times. I mean this is like 2020. So like I'm like all right, dude, and I fucking walk in there and I just look around and I mean the first one, I'm like okay, it's just one, of course. Like it's just one of course, like it would just be one ross.
Speaker 3:You know what this is?
Speaker 1:no, I have no idea what is this place you're talking about boys, the entire, the entire coffee shop is ran by soup boys yeah, there's not one person yeah, we should go on a field trip. You're old this is. It's all people with autism or down syndrome that are working in coffee shops primarily down syndrome from the one that I saw, and they work the coffee shop. But you would think, because here's what I thought, I thought okay.
Speaker 3:A plus, sir, at the end of the day.
Speaker 1:At some point I'll escalate this high enough I'll get a manager and it'll be a manager, but no sir.
Speaker 3:What are you escalating dog? Why are you in there escalating shit? Deacons is a psycho dude.
Speaker 2:Deacons is a psycho. I've seen Deacons do things that I'm like oh you're a psychotic person.
Speaker 1:Deacons is a psycho I go to order my coffee and I'm just like can I get this coffee? Because it's taking me like a second. He's like, okay, and then I fucking go and I wait. And then the person making the coffee I'm like another and they hand me a card. They hand me like it's like a, it's like a playing card, and they're like this is your card, this is how you'll get your coffee.
Speaker 1:But they didn't say it like that, and so they give me the card and I'm just like sitting there waiting, and then I watch a young family walk in, who is not expecting this either, and the woman's like talking to the husband and she like turns, sees him, and she's like, oh, okay, and it's like it's like one of those, like clearly deeply bigoted ridiculous southern people who, like you know, listen I love the south, but I don't like the ones on the coast right the coastal southerners are like the ones that are like, clearly the descendants of english people, like they talk like this, like, oh my god like they have a very different accent than the people towards the mountains, and I fucking hate dude and she's just like, oh my gosh, hello, how are you?
Speaker 1:yeah I watched the guy running the counter like look at me and then like look back as if to be like is this bitch retarded? Like why are you talking to me like this?
Speaker 2:To her defense.
Speaker 1:He gave us all like this fucking mean side eye that you could tell he fucking hated her. And he's like she's like well, I just want to let you know, like that, what you're doing is so brave. And he's like can I take your order? But it's seriously.
Speaker 2:They know what's going on dude. They know what's going on, dude. They know what's going on.
Speaker 1:He has an IQ that's almost close to yours. It's not that far off of yours, it's like 30 points. What's the big fucking?
Speaker 2:gap. I talk to Ross all the time. We've got a 30-point gap. It's fine. To her defense, she was operating on the fly. She did not see it happening.
Speaker 1:That's a bad accent, maybe, maybe she did not continue to handle it. Well, the husband just starts yelling can I, can I get a black call black coffee. I, I'd like a black coffee. And she's like did you get that? Did you hear that it was the black coffee? And I watched these two people just belittle this guy today and I was like, man, I'll spit in the coffee for you like I mean hand it to me at some point.
Speaker 3:Real, that is a real place. This is a real thing. I think the one in Georgetown closed, yeah, but I know that was a big chain. It was like it's a big chain. They might have shark tanked it yeah.
Speaker 2:I could see Georgetown not putting up with it. I'll tell you this your black coffee will take latte time, slow drip and make drip coffee. It's real slow, if you know what I mean. I want to clarify. There's no hate to these people. That should have been it's actually fucking great.
Speaker 3:Also, it's it's Wait, you know Slow drip Made by slow people, but it's just like.
Speaker 1:Why does everyone need to be?
Speaker 3:like I need a coffee, and then everyone needs to be Running around making you a coffee.
Speaker 2:Yeah, coffee's like an intense. People usually get a coffee in the morning. That's why Starbucks employees are miserable, because it's like People are yelling at them all the time.
Speaker 1:I was leaving. It like not leaving there, but I was walking by there one time.
Speaker 2:I would peep in every time I walked by.
Speaker 1:This is a completely different story. Biddy and Bo Peep. This is a completely different story. Okay, but you know word association. I ended up here.
Speaker 1:There is, I'm walking and there's a guy walking up this way and I'm, I'm with, like people, and he is getting fucking punched like full-blown hauled off and fucking like cracked dude, like I mean he's getting walloped by a young african american boy and he keeps like grabbing the kids, like all right, come on, and the kid's like all right, seriously, seriously. And he's like covering up like this and the kid is fucking just hammering, he's like all right, all right, seriously. And you can kind of tell that the I don't know if the white guy's like out of it a little bit, but he's like a little bit in this case, like and fucking that's a death.
Speaker 1:He's going to death, dude and hitting him like hard as fuck and I'm like holy shit, dude. So I come running down and like I'm like hey, hey, hey, and the guy just stops and he goes no, no, don't worry, he's retarded. And then so I started beating the white guy up too. We both start like kicking the shit out of this guy. No, but it was wild.
Speaker 3:But you stop what really happened? You ran up and you're like I guess he's retarded, it's fine. And then I just watched this kid who had autism.
Speaker 1:It clearly was not like Down syndrome, but I watched this kid with autism just beat the ever-living fuck out of maybe a father, maybe a grandfather, but what was sad, what was fucked up, what I realized was that guy was aging out of maybe a father, maybe a grandfather, but what was sad, what was fucked up and what I realized was that guy was aging out of his ability to stop the kid, because it was a big kid.
Speaker 1:It was like, yeah, something that would have been a reality for him and I think it happens more than you think because he was like very like calm under it but, like you could tell, it was like oh dude, you're too old to be getting hit like this this kid's like he's gonna fuck you up.
Speaker 3:Like stop, seriously is like do you want me to? At least stop him? Yeah, like I don't, I'm not gonna just fight him, yeah, like you want me to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know that's, but he did yell this kid's retarded and I like he's retarded and I was like it wasn't. His dad said that that's what I meant. I was like oh, you should update that, but it might have been like I said you should take that as like.
Speaker 3:We have not updated that on the pod.
Speaker 2:We're back to it but Michael J is one of my favorite jokes of all time. It's like black people are just learning about autism. He's like back then, like you know. It's like no one, no one in the hood, like they know. It's like oh no, that's your.
Speaker 3:He just likes to count like he just like such a good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, ain't nothing wrong with that boy, you just like to count one of the best money, dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's wild to stop. I there's also a.
Speaker 3:There's a brewery in dc, that's all. Maybe it's in maryland, maybe it's in like hyattsville with the all deaf. It's deaf owned, just deaf employees, and I was hearing this from some comedians who were putting on a show they're looking for a spot for a show, not great audience members and yeah yeah, but they went and talked to the person. They're like oh, can we see the manager? And the manager showed up and they go.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh no, I was like this is it's probably terrible. You didn't google anything, but also it's like it's fine fine.
Speaker 3:Like they're running a business.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they know there's a deaf coffee shop. It's like the Amish.
Speaker 1:It's like the Amish can run it. They're fine. You know they can get by with no dude.
Speaker 2:I was just in Amish country. Those people do not stop working. No we were driving through on a Sunday. I mean it's like dude, I saw them out. They are out, dude, when the sun is out. That's their light, dude. Yeah, they have to get everything done. I saw straight up dudes with the wife holding a baby plowing an entire field.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean. Imagine how much you got to get done if you could never turn the lights on. They don't fuck around.
Speaker 2:Dude, it was like 6 o'clock.
Speaker 1:They're like we're working Daytime's an important time. They must sleep like rocks.
Speaker 2:I wonder how they're doing.
Speaker 3:Thriving dude, I know, but they must still be doing something. We go to. My family goes to Amish markets. We get Amish pie.
Speaker 2:This is the best pie I've ever had.
Speaker 1:Genuine question Does the economy, does inflation hurt them?
Speaker 2:That's a good're they're outside of the human market and they're like selling good.
Speaker 3:It's like I would say no, but also I think that they're not capitalizing on inflation.
Speaker 1:It's like they should be rising, raising their prices. Are they charging 1880s prices? It's like give me a nickel, I'll give you 12 eggs.
Speaker 2:I think they're a little past that A little better. Well, I mean fuck it.
Speaker 1:Here's what I also saw.
Speaker 2:That was very interesting. You drive through Amish country, we drove through the heart of it. There are no electricity wires, there's none of that. But every once in a while you would see an Amish home and you would see oh, they have a light bulb.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's like, or do some, it's an 1870s light bulb.
Speaker 2:Well, we had Mennonites up in Pennsylvania. Maybe some of them were Mennonites, but I don't know.
Speaker 1:The Mennonites are a little less strict. Um and I I did roofing with, like some Mennonites but tools, but they like it can't. They can't like own the power tools but like they can use them.
Speaker 1:So you would bring the power tools and then they'd be like, oh, can I use your nail gun real quick? And you're like, okay, so that's how you do this. That's pretty fucking cool. It was for the school. Our school would like help hire mennonites and we would do like carpentry shit with them, but we would fucking. During the lunch break they would have to ask us to turn the tv on, and once we turn the tv on, bro, you couldn't get them back out.
Speaker 2:We were like no, we got to finish this job and they're like.
Speaker 1:They literally look at you like the the amount of scorn that amish people and mennonites and really any insular society of outsiders. They would look at you like dude, you're a dog like you're not. Yeah, don't ever talk to me and you're like, can we please finish this job? And they're just like watching springer, like watching mori, just like fucking, just so happy, like yeah, but that's like it's the only time.
Speaker 2:This is like the biggest treat.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's why like rum springer is such a weird trap now and I feel like it's gotten worse and worse as technology's gotten better because, like they do that, they still have that thing. It's very real. We there's like a couple movies in like early 2000s. They're like rumspringers, great like about just bring like because they're allowed to like go for 24 hours or whatever amount of time a week. Yeah, check out civilization, but it's like it mostly scares people off because it's like, yeah, you're coming into. You're like a caveman coming into.
Speaker 1:They're way more hip to it. They fake that shit, they fucking. They pack normal clothes in their bags. They hitchhike out of the little Amish country. They throw on the clothes. They go out at bars. If they don't settle into the Amish lifestyle they basically do Rumspringer until they get married and settle into the Amish lifestyle. They're way more. They're playing a game with you. I was buying something one time from an Amish person and like he had a fucking iPad, you know.
Speaker 3:He's like oh yeah.
Speaker 1:I can't charge it and I'm like, oh yeah, I'm sure.
Speaker 3:And I looked into like his machine shop where they had like handmade all of the furniture and he's got like a fucking huge like rotor, like in there, like, and you're like oh yeah, okay, sure yeah I know that is like use the stuff. It's just do like just even weird with like just use it. Even the orthodox jews and stuff. Like don't turn on. Like don't we like turning on a light switch counts as working on a sunday? So, like most people just like leave their lights on.
Speaker 1:So they don't touch the light switch, but it's on.
Speaker 2:But it's like your thing was about lighting fires, which also isn't work if you're surviving ari shafir talks about too, how all like the orthodox jews of williamsburg he's like one of his podcasts he was interviewing like an escort. He's like, oh, I get all the all of the orthodox community like they all go. You know what I mean this is a guy or a girl.
Speaker 2:Ari shifu is a girl it was a girl was a girl, but he was like but he was also the escort was like oh yeah, like other trans escorts, get them all the time they're like, they suppress it so much and then they go out and let it flush. Hell yeah, dude.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I did look up.
Speaker 2:I was like we can, but we also. I'm look up. I was like we can, but we also.
Speaker 3:I'm like I need to pee too again.
Speaker 2:I gotta piss too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, dude, I took an Adderall A little late in the day. Are we gonna cut all this out? I don't want this on. This is gonna be a two. This is gonna be a two episode joint. What time do we start? I don't know, but we're at an hour and eleven. Hope we cut out my first piss break.
Speaker 2:Oh, huh, dude, I don't have any dates. By the time this comes out, I can.
Speaker 3:I'm getting all these things and people reach out and be like when are your dates, your schedule?
Speaker 2:on your website. Oh, I've had that too, dude, I'm just like dude. I won't know until the week of yeah, what? Now people are reaching out like when can we come see you? When are your dates? It's like, dude, I don't.
Speaker 1:It's like, put your dates on the website, and every single person who says that, by the way, go fuck yourself, dude. I don't know yet.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1:I will know the week of I don't know what my dates are.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm like begging people to give me how much time do you want to shoot, to do um?
Speaker 1:we're at an hour and a half, five or six minutes. That's exactly we were just getting into it but, yeah, we can. We don't have that much more. We'll tell a couple more stories, get a couple more flow in and wrap it up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this has been good. This has been a fun pod dude. Yeah, this has been a fun pod. At first I was nervous. I missed podding.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I can tell you, it's been pent up into it. You were on it. Oh, I had tons one to talk about you've been um because I do it with. I've done it with like a bunch of people now and you can tell when someone doesn't know how to do this and like I gotta like pull it out of them. Yeah, kurt's had a bad one, okay you gotta get you gotta.
Speaker 2:Kurt's had a great one one time, and so I was like oh, let's try to recreate that.
Speaker 1:And then we just had just an absolute stinker I would love to do over kurt's. Yeah, yeah, yeah but um, yeah, you gotta have somebody who can really draw it out a little bit what's about finding we let's talk about podcasting.
Speaker 2:On the podcast, I'll cut this, no dude. But I wanted to say, before we move on, I did, after I went through amish country, I did research. I was because I saw. I fucking saw. I'm like what's going on here? Like some don't, some do. I guess it's standard now that a lot of modern amish homes like they have like one iphone for the house yeah okay it's like it's like the iphone, like it's not as like, but they're out working dude, they are out dust till dawn.
Speaker 1:Is it like you can have the iphone but you can't have any apps on it?
Speaker 2:yeah, I'm sure it's just like it, like you can't even iPhone but you can't have any apps on it. Yeah, I'm sure it's just like a lot. You can't even use the calculator app. Yeah, they're not like Uber Eats. They don't have like TikTok on the fucking.
Speaker 1:Speaking of Uber Eats, you guys want me to order a pizza for you guys.
Speaker 2:No, you're good, I brought food for myself. I brought it just in case I would eat a slice of pizza, would you?
Speaker 1:I'm not going to eat because I'm fasting.
Speaker 2:Are you really fasting? Yeah, I'm fasting. How many hours?
Speaker 1:are you on? I missed mass. I'm going to fast for 36 hours.
Speaker 2:Are you at the point where your senses are?
Speaker 1:heightened the caffeine. I'm at the point where caffeine hits you a little bit harder. I feel energized.
Speaker 3:So what fasting is? Is it a food?
Speaker 1:fast yeah, no food.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:No food for me today, until noon tomorrow.
Speaker 2:And he said by like hour 18, like he's, like you can smell food from like two blocks away.
Speaker 1:I'm starving, yeah it is Like you can definitely tell, but I also know that I'm not actually starving. Which is like the thing about it where it's like, oh, you're actually fine actually starving. Which is like the thing about it where it's like, oh, you're actually fine.
Speaker 2:And then it becomes like this mental game where you're like I want to eat so bad and you're like, no, I think it's like at 20, 20, almost 24 hours, when your body starts to eat itself, metabolize, yeah.
Speaker 1:I try to do. 36 hours is usually my goal, and then you feel a lot better.
Speaker 2:How often?
Speaker 1:like once every three weeks, once every two weeks, dude I eat non-stop. I know I, but I eat like a fucking pig most days.
Speaker 2:So like I won't stop eating, I'm also trying to put on muscle right now, so it's like I'm just eating four times a day religiously yeah I don't miss it.
Speaker 1:Oh, I got a guy at my work who's taking like tests right now and he like keeps like showing everybody like how you know, like how strong he's getting and stuff, because we have like an office gym. So he'll be in there and he's like throwing some weight around and he's got like kind of like a reddish complexion and all that stuff.
Speaker 3:Yeah, dude, he's like man I'm getting so much stronger.
Speaker 1:I'm like you're on steroids, you fucking idiot, like what People use it.
Speaker 2:We don't have to go too much into steroid talk, but a test is something I would love to do at a certain point. I would love to do TRT when the time calls for it, that's testosterone.
Speaker 3:That's what he's on.
Speaker 1:That's a therapy. That's what he's on, but he's taking a little bit more than he should be taking. I'm sure if his skin is turning red. He's probably doing at least 200 milligrams a week which is oh yeah, a blast he's doing, he's doing. Uh, he was doing 400, yeah, but now he's down to 200 that's what pro bodybuilders do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you'll see it. It's like they don't like a. They'll go through a clinic and then the clinic won't prescribe them more, so they'll start ordering it offline and like doubling their dose yeah and when you do that, you're not taking enclomiphene or like estrogen blockers.
Speaker 2:So your body, when your body, you start there's more testosterone in your body, so your body starts freaking out. It tries to create more estrogen to balance it out. Yeah, and that's why, dudes, when they start blasting a bunch of tests and they don't take the proper precautions, they get like really puffy nipples, guaranteed gyno. They get really emotional. That's where the emotion comes from? Yeah, that's crazy it's crazy, it's insane to me, people who just yeah order shit offline. We're like all right, I'm gonna start injecting these hormones into my body.
Speaker 1:I know, and that's always been my argument against the trans community, bro mike cannon yeah, but they're fucking hot mike cannon told me the funniest fucking bit and I hope ah man, I don't know, dude, I don't know if I could do this bit, because I don't know if he's gonna make it a bit, but I'll just tell you guys anyways, yeah, and I'll think about it so, uh, it was fucking dan soder went down to uh, to austin, down to the fucking uh mothership and his like opening joke was like you guys can't be anti-trans when your main guy is taking testosterone he's like he's stealing their medicine like he's doing the same thing they're doing.
Speaker 1:Like it's the exact same shit. It was just so funny to do it at the mothership at his club soda.
Speaker 2:Soda is one of my favorite jokes right now. It was on his last special, I don't know if you guys saw. It's the one where he's like I don't like how instagram, like, lets you know who, uh which, of your friends are being horny where it's like.
Speaker 2:Here's this booty pic like by 36 000 people yeah, and jeff, you're like jeff, jeff, it's such a good man, that's funny man, because it's true, I will see, I will see bit like, I'll see fucking, uh, people like, especially like female comics I don't know we should take this up but like ones that are posted and then it's just like by, like all these open micers, I'm like dude, we could see.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like John Yeager, john Yeager just being horny and they're fucking. Yeah, just see some tits. Yeah, dude these older comics I'm like they don't know that, like we can all see your comment. Yeah, yeah, they don't know. They're like oh my god very beautiful and, yeah, it's like it's stunning, you're like we can see that you left a heart eyes comment yeah, we see that doing I only hit those when it's like in a, in a bunch of pictures.
Speaker 2:They have a post with a lot of pictures like me doing stand-up and I was like I like that, I was like, I like that yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but also I don't, it's I was like I like that.
Speaker 3:I was like I like that, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but also it's bizarre.
Speaker 2:I like to go to my friends' moms who have IGs and I like to be like Sup Shahadi, leave comments. So beautiful.
Speaker 3:So beautiful. Thank you for posting.
Speaker 1:Something very kind of genuine and sweet.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Thank you for always being such a good mother to John. John was a good kid beautiful family, awesome genetics and then his dad calls you what the fuck are you doing? I don't get so much seeing my friends horny posts, but I'll see my friends like some pretty militant. It'll be like here's seven times that fucking Joe Biden was a complete cuck bitch. Like by Joey Duff he's like jeez man.
Speaker 2:Here's seven times that fucking joe biden was a complete cuck. Yeah, I like my joey the likes.
Speaker 1:You're just like geez man, chill out. I could like tell how well my friends are doing based off of them liking, like you know, alpha male shit where it's just like a bunch of guys in like a cold plunge next to like their son right after they got divorced and he's like I still love you, even though I'm divorced, I still love you. And he's like crying and then I'll just see it liked by. Like this 45 year old I do jujitsu with I'm like damn, that guy's fucking going through it.
Speaker 2:Roger is kind of quiet. Yeah, shit, man, I gotta hit him up, dude. We uh, when I, when I was in middle school, we were at a this I don't know if this is relative, we're just throwing out relevant relevant, not relative.
Speaker 1:Relative theory I uh we.
Speaker 2:I was at a sleepover middle theory of relativity.
Speaker 1:It's not even relative. Not even relative to that. It's not even relative to the theory of relativity. That was funny, that was really. That brought me a lot of joy. That was crazy, dude, I have to like tell people like when I tell like what the other day Deacon this is like. Deacon's caught me being super dyslexic the other day that just made me laugh so hard, I tell people.
Speaker 2:I'm like, I'm like starting to do bits about being dyslexic.
Speaker 1:People are like are you really dyslexic? I'm like I someone and. I was coaching him what to say and I was watching him type it and I was like is this for real? Is this for real? Give me your fucking phone, dude. I had to give Deacons the phone. It was unbelievable, dude. Yeah, all right, caught me full blast, being absolutely retarded 12-year-olds.
Speaker 2:I was at a sleepover. Like you know, you do group a group how old were you?
Speaker 1:they were 12 middle school I was 24 no, we were. This was like eighth grade, I didn't know. You had 100 million dollars. Yeah, it's all gone now I uh no, we were.
Speaker 2:I was a sleeper in eighth grade. You know when you do big sleepovers, yeah and you do like what's. We're looking at porn on the course like yeah what's what we're here to do?
Speaker 2:yep, it's can't wait. We went on the computer and we were. We were looking at porn and then one of our other buddies was trying to find you download it off limewire, right? Yep, so you download the porn off limewire. And then he couldn't find where he saved it on the computer. So we're like going through files and at this is at my buddy's house. I don't even know if I could tell this story. We were at my buddy's house. I don't even know if I should tell this story. We were at my buddy's house and we clicked on one folder to like find, trying to find it, and it was. This was like his dad's computer and we opened the folder and it was him like his dad.
Speaker 2:His dad like holding and like kissing a woman and like like they were like in a bed, like taking pictures. That was not his mom oh you guys found the porn even at that.
Speaker 1:You guys all just started beating dude.
Speaker 2:It was like a really big issue, like the parent like because it was the thing of like dude and even at that age it's not like we, you know you're like oh, we know what this is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was a quiet rest of the night and then it became like a big issue because he had to like Did he tell his mom? Yeah, he had to, like he had to tell his mom. And then other parents got involved because they're like what did you see? And then my parents had to like explain to me, like what cheating. You know what I mean. Even though it was eighth grade, it was like a thing.
Speaker 1:Did you see your friend's dad's cock?
Speaker 2:No, it wasn't him Fucking other girls. They were. Clearly he was having an affair. There were pictures of them in bed At dinner kissing. It was not his fucking mom.
Speaker 1:Why do that? Why take those pictures?
Speaker 2:But you look back at that too. Why would you save this on the computer? Why would you save this on like the computer? Why?
Speaker 1:would you put this on LimeWire?
Speaker 2:LimeWire was why would?
Speaker 1:you do this next to ACDCs, for those about to rock.
Speaker 2:I could go on for so I'm sorry if I'm dominating this. I could go on for so much about LimeWire, the first porn I ever downloaded at LimeWire at a sleepover. We all downloaded it. We can't wait to click on it. We click on it. It was a girl, this was sixth grade maybe. It was like a guy grabbing a girl's head, like like really violently face fucking her and then, like, takes her head and slams it against the toilet and the video just ended, dude, that fucked me up.
Speaker 2:That was like uh, that was a quiet. That was like what's not?
Speaker 1:I've been joking about this on stage, about stuff like this. I'm like this is why this generation's autistic? I was like autism's up 241 and you think it's red dye number 40, it's like no dude. I just watched the taliban behead like 32 people on live league and then I go on to limewire and I can just like watch a guy fuck a sheep, you know, dude, and it's just like watch a guy fuck a sheep, you know, and it's just, it's everywhere it was just everywhere.
Speaker 2:You used to never see stuff like that. I will never forget the day I saw the cartel chainsaw video.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do you guys know the one I'm talking about with the two guys? I watched that on.
Speaker 2:Mushrooms Dude. I will never forget Dude at the age to see that.
Speaker 1:And he walks up to the next guy and just starts stabbing him in the neck right next to it. Dude, I watched that on mushrooms and I I have a buddy who didn't come back from that video all four of us were watching that on mushrooms and we were all like we should probably walk away and one kid stayed in and kept watching it and I was just like that's probably a bad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think you should watch that keep going there to this day, I can still see the face of the other guy while he's yeah, while he's watching.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah to this day, and that is ptsd like yeah when your brain does not know the difference, like when you watch, like I've. I have been in more world war ii battles than my grandfather, who was in world war ii, because my brain, or my brain, thinks it has. It has been. You know what I mean because it's seen so much shit, it's processed so much of it that it doesn't know that there was a study that came out.
Speaker 2:Even even watching like save it private ryan in like a theater, they're like, yeah, your brain thinks it's in war yeah, it's the same thing 100 dude. I remember fucking still I'm getting toe touches nice little toe touch.
Speaker 1:That's why I like scary movies and shit you watch, like that nasferatu movie.
Speaker 2:It's a dude, I love robert eggers.
Speaker 1:I want to see that movie so bad it's so scary and I'll tell you right now, it's like, oh, like I watched that actually happen, like that, that did happen and it was fucking demonic and it was horrific and it was so scary all of his films are crazy.
Speaker 2:Have you watched the witch?
Speaker 1:no, oh, I'll never. Which is good he did the lighthouse.
Speaker 2:I love the white house. Uh, no, I want to see that movie. My sweet baby girl saw it and she was like yeah, I didn't really like it.
Speaker 1:I'm like we're fucking watching yeah, if you've watched somebody get their head just like bashed into pieces, you've also. You've seen that your brain like maybe you didn't see it, maybe the smell didn't hit you, but your brain, yeah, has seen someone like the way he robert eggers film stuff.
Speaker 2:It's so like the scene in the witch. I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't know if you'll ever see there's a scene where pretty much a witch gary movie ever again takes a baby and they show her like from the back, like mashing up the baby in, like a yeah, a thing, cauldron and then it switches to her like rubbing, the baby mashes all over and you're like that's fucking crazy like that alone I'm gonna have to sleep in tonight, like I'm, you guys should sleep over tonight because like that's gonna be tough for me 24 hour pod yeah, you guys want to sleep over let's do it all
Speaker 3:right now, but we are at like an hour and 20 minutes.
Speaker 1:So if you guys want to wrap up, I've had a great time yeah, this is a great pod dude. This is fun yeah, I haven't partied so long, I need to get it out yeah, everybody wanted to plug their stuff.
Speaker 3:There's a chat. I got nothing. I got a special coming out sometime. I just finished editing it hell yeah, what's it called?
Speaker 1:do you know the name yet?
Speaker 3:uh, pretty good. Where's it gonna be? Um, definitely on youtube, but we're going to try to get it somewhere if we sell it to Comedy.
Speaker 1:Dynamics. It'll be on Amazon and stuff just online.
Speaker 3:Good Boy Soup all over. Good Boy Soup. You hear the Soup Boy.
Speaker 1:Soup Boy's afraid to leave his soup, alright, what do?
Speaker 2:you got? I got nothing, dude. My career's not doing well. I have no dates to plug. I got nothing, dude. My career is not doing well. I have no dates to plug. I have nothing. That's great coming up.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I got a few months left in the city. See me when you can. Maybe your Instagram. Oh Ross, Benoit Ross, R-O-S-S-B-E-N-W-A-H underscore.
Speaker 1:I mean, the chances that he even spelt it right are nearly zero. What? Do you mean, you're not. You only have a few more months left in the city, jim moving. You've you figured it out? You're moving.
Speaker 3:Well, well, we'll talk about that off mic some of the complications that have come up so also, let's have a nice day. What's this about have?
Speaker 2:a nice day. Yeah, it's, it's a nice day.
Speaker 3:Have a nice day. This is the podcast at the end.
Speaker 1:At the end of it at the beginning we usually do an alex jones impersonation and somebody goes have a nice day or somebody goes black helicopters and then you know, just say have a nice day.
Speaker 3:Have a nice day, have a nice day.