Have A Nice Day
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Have A Nice Day
Altar Boyz
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(feat. Matt C and Joe P)
I'm not gunna spell their names because they're polish and italian and that's hard.
also check out the chapters. AI cohost made that. pretty cool
Episode Minutes:
- The catholic church
- That's pretty much it. It's a very catholic episode
Instagram:
@matt_chrzanowski
@joerpappalardo
Father-Son
Speaker 1Hello , do you want me to pick up ? There's no way to talk to the customer . Can you just leave it outside of the front door ? I'm not home right now , but I'll be home shortly . Okay , thank you , sir . With the door pick up , who the fuck do you think you are ? Dude ? I felt like Tom Hanks right there . What is it ? It was DoorDash . I was DoorDashing myself a little snack , a delicious little snack , dude . Damn , I was going to put out the DoorDash . Doordash some food to yourself , dude . And then we'll have a halfway break where we'll all get a little feast , we'll snack and then we'll hang out . What are you going to get ? You like Chinese food . You know what my favorite part about Chinese food is Seeing them work , seeing them work . No , my favorite part about Chinese food Jesus , my favorite part about Chinese food is that they still use chopsticks , you know . You know what I mean .
Speaker 3Isn't that funny , it is nice .
Speaker 1Dude , do you know how stubborn of a culture you have to be to still be using two sticks after the invention of forks ? Like to be like no , forks don't work . I mean what the fuck .
Speaker 3Do they exclusively use chopsticks over there ? Do you think they use forks ?
Speaker 1do . That would be really funny if that was just for , like other countries , they've convinced them that they're all using chopsticks , but in actuality they all use forks when they just have like a regular chinese meal I think , chopsticks are a good time though I mean , yeah , if you want to like have to solve a little puzzle , I think it's about teaching mental discipline .
Speaker 3That's why they're crushing us right now . That's what they say .
Speaker 1They say that it's about teaching mental discipline like people think if you can learn to eat with two stick , you can learn to eat with anything .
Speaker 3People think china's rise is because of them teaching their kids stem technology instead of gender identity , and you would argue , but it's actually about chops , yeah works .
Speaker 1Yeah , I uh , I mean that that could be , but I just I don't understand how none of them have thought that's my stance . Not enough chopsticks in schools if I just sharpen this chopstick , I could poke my food and then stick it into my mouth .
Speaker 1You know what I mean . It's like it's such an obvious jump and they're like , no , we're not doing it . And then the other argument they'll make is that eating rice is easier with chopsticks because you can shovel it into the bowl , and it's like , well , you know what's also a great shovel , a spoon it's not like they don't have spoons they have .
Speaker 3No , they have big spoons . They do spoon out . They do spoon out with soup , do spoon out .
Speaker 1That's bullshit . With soups , I think you might be onto something . I think they might not actually use chopsticks in China . I think that's just an us thing .
Speaker 3Oh yeah , Maybe they've brought it over here to corrupt our minds . They brought chopsticks and TikTok To make us think that they're super disciplined .
Speaker 1It's just like Kung Fu , like Kung Fu doesn't actually work us . And they're like dude , look how good we are at kung fu . And we're like whoa dude , look at all this kid , but like really just a straight american wrestler . You just grab one of those little kung fu guys .
Speaker 3Just drag them to the ground , dude , it must have america's all about efficiency america . It must have been so easy to kick someone's ass when kung fu just came out . You know like in all these 50 movies they just throw one punch dude . Yeah , we could have mangled anyone from pre , like 1980 .
Speaker 1Unless they're like a golden glove boxer , yeah I was gonna say I think you'd be surprised at how much better they were at just a random person wasn't fighting like unless everybody from the that was born in the 50s is just making stuff up . When my dad would describe his childhood , I'm like did you grow up in fucking like the mind in my life ? Like why are you fighting so many people ?
Speaker 3all the time constantly battling .
Speaker 1I mean he was a white guy in suitland maryland so like that was probably pretty tough , but he was just fucking fighting everybody my dad would just fight his brothers and his dad .
Speaker 3Even I remember my dad when I would get in trouble . He it never came to this , but he'd be like , if you keep this up , we're gonna have to fight my dad got pretty close to a good little brawl one time .
Speaker 1Dude , we were nose to nose . It was about to . It was about to get down . Dude , I was . I was talking some big shit and then I looked him in his eyes and I realized that that man would kill me . He just had gone shark mode and he was no longer home , like my father , was no longer looking at me . The guy that was looking at me was a demon and a stranger and I was like this guy will beat the ever-living dog shit out of me .
Speaker 1I was like , all right , man , you're lucky . Yeah , I was like on steroids . I had like just come home from college football , I'm like the strongest I've ever been . I'm like 225 , 6'3 , maybe 6'44" , 6'3" . I'm much bigger than him and he's just like I mean he's old at this point . His back is bowed from just fucking carrying lumber his entire life . And dude , the look he gave me . I was like I am such a bitch . This guy would mangle my body .
Speaker 3He has nothing to lose . Dude what's left . Once your son bucks at you you have to go at him because it's either your wife is not going to respect you or she's gonna leave you for your son .
Speaker 1Yeah , according to freud , she's gonna fuck exactly if sigmund freud's taught us anything if you lose an arm wrestling match to your son , you now have to let your son fuck your wife . That just is . That's just how it goes , you know .
Speaker 3Yeah , I do love the old man thing of just no matter what happens , just being like I'm old , but I'll still kick your ass , yeah not as good as I once was , but I'm as good once as I'll ever be .
Speaker 1Yeah , my brother will say that to people like in a bar and I'm like stop fucking saying that Girls and guys , girls and girls and guys the two girls and we'll say it's a guy's . I just look at him like shut the fuck up , dude . No , I , I mean genuinely , I've spent the better part of a decade training jujitsu and MMA so that if my son ever steps up to me I can whoop his ass . I don't even like I mean there is , there's two , there's . I have like two things running in my mind the entire time I'm in there One I have to kick my dad's ass , who's no longer with us .
Speaker 1It doesn't even make sense . But I'm like , when I get to heaven , I'm going to fuck him up , and if he's not in heaven , I'm going downstairs and I'm fighting him . You know , because he would always tell me he'd be like , if I was young , I'd beat your ass and I'd be like , well , when you die , you're gonna be young again . He's like yeah , when I get to heaven , I'm gonna fuck you up . That's a genuine conversation we had like on his deathbed he was like it's like when you get to , when you get up there , I'm gonna fuck you .
Speaker 1I'm like , what makes you think you're going up and so ? And then the other one that's constantly in my mind is my daughter's boyfriend is like , when I meet that son of a bitch dude , I'm fucking wrecking his shit like I , and I know that I'm gonna be physically diminished at that point , so I need to have enough technique and skill to really just like break his legs , you know yeah , you gotta do that .
Speaker 3You gotta mentally eviscerate him as well , but that should that should be easy with shit talking .
Speaker 1Yeah , you gotta son him early
High School Memories and Cultural Commentary
Speaker 1on . Hey , I I started coaching high school kids in football again and , uh , I had completely forgotten how like moldable the high school boy mind is like . Every time I see teachers talking about like all these students are like mean or like whatever , or anytime somebody's like , yeah , these high school kids , they're intimidating . You know what I mean ? You'll go on like teacher reddit and all of these fucking lived out fucking guy who got his teaching degree from Oberlin College is like . I mean , the student youths are just , they're rebellious and uncontrollable . It's like dude , you are so gay dude .
Speaker 1High school kids are the easiest people to bully ever . You can't let them get going . You can't let them get going .
Speaker 3Because easiest people to bully ever .
Speaker 1You can't let them get going . You can't let them get going because once they form like in unison , they start talking shit . You're in trouble . That's a runaway train , oh yeah , the station but like just make fun of something you know you think that's funny , you think that's cute ?
Speaker 3what ?
Speaker 1do you do ? Do you make out with him ? You make out with him . Stop acting like you have a girlfriend , like I mean . Every time I'm like you don't get any pussy .
Speaker 1These are like 15 year olds who go to the smartest high school . I'm not going to name a high school , but it is . I mean just Google , if you're at home . Just Google the number one ranked high school in academics and you will see that high school . And then you'll see the football record and you'll know that that's a one-to-one correlation . I mean very good academics , the worst football players . If Disney Channel came out , I mean it's so ridiculous that it looks like a DEI Disney movie . You know it's . You should see the touchdown dances . I mean it breaks out into full high school Bollywood musical that's the song they play on the loudspeaker that's a good joke .
Speaker 3People will be mad about that we had one English teacher that we would fucking we I felt bad because she actually she was a good lady and we'd be so mean to her . But we would do popcorn reading and , uh , we would fucking we . We I felt bad cause she actually she was a good lady and we'd be so mean to her . But we would do popcorn reading and , uh , we would all purposefully mispronounce the words wrong the entire time , but we would only call on each other that's a that's a tough one to stop , exactly Cause we're playing by her rules .
Speaker 1We're playing popcorn reading , but we're only going to call on each other , and every time the word miscellaneous comes out , someone's going to say miscellaneous . Can you remember a word you had mispronounced ?
Speaker 3I remember . Every time the word certainly come up , we'd say curtainely .
Speaker 1Would she have to correct you Well ?
Speaker 3the first time it happened . The kid who did it . It was so funny that everyone laughed and she was like guys you shouldn't entertain that . And he was like what ?
Speaker 1Did he know what it was ? Of course , it's the word certain .
Speaker 3We were in like 11th grade .
Speaker 1You guys were still popcorn reading in 11th grade . Yeah , In Georgia popcorn reading is a group project up until 11th grade .
Speaker 3Yeah , we'd do that , we'd read mary poppins and then is that actually what you were reading ? It was like actually shakespeare and stuff like that .
Speaker 1But you're gonna try to mispronounce supercalifragilisticexpialidocious . Should you just nail it .
Speaker 3That's yeah that that's what we're getting right , but yeah , the fucking two twl where we'd be like 12 yeah , that's funny .
Speaker 1I remember when we had the popcorn read , uh , huckleberry finn , and whenever you would get to the big one , you know , whenever you would get to the fucking , whenever you would get to that one character with a really tough nickname , the best part would be to popcorn read right in front of your friend get right up to it and huckleberry finn said to popcorn dave , yeah , and that would always get a big pop did you guys ?
Speaker 3did you guys read like ? Did you have to say the word when you were popcorn reading in high school ?
Speaker 1what the word jim's yeah , jim's name um , I don't know if we had to , but I mean we did yeah we said I don't there . I mean , I'm a little bit older than you guys . Everybody go around say your age I'm 27 I'm 29 . Okay , so joe's 29 . This is joe and matthew . Joe's 29 , matthew's 27 . Yeah , I think 27 that's a good enough age gap of like four years . At that point , when you were in like middle school , had the shift of like we don't say yeah , 100 okay yeah , that had not hit us yet , like you were , still it's I will say it's written , you could say it .
Speaker 3I will say it hit that word first , for sure you know that the . The planes didn't start hitting the other towers till a couple years ago .
Speaker 1We definitely had a grace period where there was a lot of other stuff .
Speaker 3You were flying , you could fly with .
Speaker 1Yeah , you could still play that one game where you chase the one guy with the ball , but then , but then . Yeah , slowly but surely it came for all the words what do ?
Speaker 2they call that now . What do they call the ?
Speaker 1smear the . I think they call it . Yes , queens and oppressors . That was one of my og tweets I was like it's like right after the George Floyd riots , and I was like I'm just so glad to wake up today knowing that one day my children will live in America where they , instead of playing cops and robbers , they play , yes , queens and the press .
Speaker 3And they got about seven views .
Speaker 1Nobody was on board with that and I believe it was about it was about seven likes and like four quote tweets of like this person's a monster , it's like I think it I think a good . Yeah , that's a tough time to land that joke . It was directly after it was like the day after george floyd and I tweeted . Uh , I was like I guess now's a bad time to mention irish slavery and I put like like the like .
Speaker 1Look like a rolling eyes emoji was like nobody's ready to have that conversation and people did not like that I can imagine . Oh my god , dude , there is nothing people hate more than bringing up irish oppression I mean it is like if you want to start a fight immediately and most days I do most , most days I want to make people mad .
Speaker 1Bring up irish oppression and I mean , oh the the vitriol that comes back your way . When people start being like you guys had slaves , I'm like I'm Irish , dude , we did not . We just couldn't have . I mean , we were fucking sharecroppers over here . Dude , what are you talking about ? People get furious about the Irish , about the Irish plate in America , you know .
Speaker 3I think it's fair , joe , I'm gonna let you cook here .
Speaker 2I'm french german , I'm not touching that of course , dude .
Speaker 1The french and germans and the fucking polacks never have our back , dude . But the irish and the italians did have tough times . I think that's like one of my favorite parts right now . Did you guys see that uh , the has I don't know which hispanic , but one of the uh immigrant in Colorado ? Took over the town it , people are like losing their fucking mind and it's like dude , we're just doing Italians this is just you took an entire immigrant population .
Speaker 1That is likely . Some people there are illegal so they can't call the police . They have to use cash because they can't get a bank account , because they don't have , fucking you know , a social security . And then you have another group of people that is willing to prey on that group of people . This is just italians in the mafia , like I mean , this is , we're doing 1920s new york all over again and they got great jesus festivals , yeah , and they're catholic and they're doing parades I've been saying that and people have been getting upset .
Speaker 1But I've been saying that People keep talking about like immigration and I'm like you're telling me there's 300 million conservative Catholics south of this border and we can't get them over here tomorrow .
Speaker 3I mean , how do we Put them in If ?
Speaker 1you want to end a Drag Queen story hour ? Fucking knock down the wall and open the floodgates . I mean we need to get these people up here yesterday those are our brother knights down there yeah , I think when you stop that is , the next evolution of this country is when you stop seeing it as , like you know , race by race , and we start going back to seeing it by religion and that is when we will we'll hit our next level .
Speaker 2It's gonna be theocratic yeah , it's gonna get fiery in here . We've got to bring back in here .
Speaker 1We've got to bring back the Catholics . Dude , We've got to bring back the Catholics because I mean , have you seen England ? Oh yeah , it's crazy . Right now it's nuts . I don't want to touch it , I'm not going to touch it .
Speaker 3I'm not going to touch on England .
Speaker 1But if you go back to look at 1990s demographics in England versus today demographics in England , I think one of the things that you will notice is that one group is doing a really good job having kids . There is one group that's having , and it's not the Anglicans okay . It's not the Anglicans and so we as Catholics . That's coming , all right , that's coming , and unless you want to be Jerusalem in 1274 , we're going to need our Hispanic brethren . I've got no problem with the essays .
Speaker 3Bring them up here , dude . We need more amigos . The Irish Catholic tradition of just being like I'm sad and Catholicism is tough , versus just the Italian Catholic tradition of being like , yeah , you can do bad stuff , god forgives you .
Speaker 1That's all weather .
Speaker 3That's all just weather-based dude . Yeah , dude .
Speaker 1You got just one place where everybody came from sad and rainy , and you got one place where people came from the sun , kissed mountains , where fucking booze grows out of the ground and they're just like I mean , could life get any better ?
Speaker 1like the Italians focus on the feast days and the Irish focus on getting molested , it's like , yeah , you got molested , but remember when your mother cooked the cabagol you never heard any of the italian like yeah , I , none of the italian parishes were worried about getting molestered , because all of the italian priests just fuck the women that are in the congregation . It's only the weird irish ones who are . I was thinking I'd have sex with one of the boys .
Speaker 2Well , that was what was weird about the Boston thing . It was like 50% of the priests , I think , were fucking women .
Speaker 1Nice , and it's like oh you know , I don't know why , wait , hold on . Let's take a little bit of a step back there . When you say women , what age group do you start with ?
Speaker 2Adult women .
Speaker 1That was part of the Boston Globe scandal .
Speaker 2Part of the scandal was there was a ton of them were hooking up with adult women and they were like , eh , we don't you know , but yeah , I mean it's not as bad as the other thing the other part of the scandal .
Speaker 1Was pretty bad . Hold on . Okay , this is why Milo Yiannopoulos got canceled , but I'm just going to throw this out there . I'm just saying I was led to believe it was a different age demographic . It was mostly 15 and 16 year old boys .
Speaker 1And I will not say that that is okay . That is obviously evil and a horrible thing for the priest to do . But at 15 years old , I mean I'm pretty sure I'm fucking up every priest in my fucking parish dude , you know . I mean maybe you need to hit the fucking weight room and maybe , just maybe Never mind , I mean maybe maybe those kisses were , maybe they liked those sweet , sweet kisses .
Speaker 1Maybe those were boys who got , who got tricked , rather than boys who got . You know , I don't know . They just made it seem like
Controversial Topics and Cultural Commentary
Speaker 1the . The image that they painted it was like four year old kid , which is horrific and everyone's like horrific , but like when it's like a 16 year old boy , I'm like all right . Well , okay , this was a different story than what you told me .
Speaker 3Yeah , it's still bad , but it's a different story than what you told me yeah , we , we give way different coverage to a teacher fucks high school student .
Speaker 1Verse neighbor touches four-year-old yeah , well , one of those people should be taken outside and shot in the back of the head . And the other one was my baseball coach who married a girl who was a grade lower than me .
Speaker 2Shout out Brian Dunleavy dude .
Speaker 1I don't give a fuck if I say your name on a podcast . Dude , that is fucking weird . That's crazy . You're a fucking oddball . Okay , Fucking Mary Robertson .
Speaker 3She was a fucking year younger than me , dude me , so people know about this .
Speaker 1Like what was this ? A thing that was talking about while you were in school ? They didn't . They did not do anything while they were in school okay 100 .
Speaker 1They did not have a relationship . It was obviously when she was a freshman in high in college . Once they were a freshman in college , when it's totally not weird , they decided to go public . But that that's when when it's totally not weird they decided to go public . But that that's when it was obviously totally not weird anymore . But you know , yeah , so to your point , like I mean , there is just a different thing , those are just two different things and that's why we have different names for them . But I don't , I don't know the name . If you know the name , the difference , there's a you know what's it called fiba .
Speaker 3I think it's a . It might be a if you know what's it called Feebophilia . I think it's a . It might be a fee If you know the difference between pedophilia and feebophilia .
Speaker 1You are a pedophile .
Speaker 2Matthew , I want you to come on .
Speaker 3You've got some explaining to do right now , but the like within okay , so this is going to sound crazy .
Speaker 1I did a deep dive on Dude . South Park is 10 years ahead of everybody , 100% .
Speaker 2They're the best .
Speaker 3In the , I guess ephebophile community . They're like those pedophiles are so disgusting .
Speaker 1Is that real ? Yeah , there's Reddit channels . I'm not sure if it's on Reddit .
Speaker 3But yeah , there are people who consider themselves ephebophiles . They're like it's okay . These people like they've gone through puberty and everything . That's not weird .
Speaker 1They're like we're not weird , but I mean , like the entire state of utah is operating under that guidance like the yeah , I mean there is an entire state in the union that is still doing like , like , whatever that is like . Puberty is the is the age of consent .
Speaker 3Like a 14 year old , I'm pretty sure 14 is the age of consent .
Speaker 1A 14-year-old I'm pretty sure 14 is the age of consent in Utah .
Speaker 3I remember watching it's 16 in Virginia . Really .
Speaker 1That's fucking young dude .
Speaker 3Okay , good , I'll have to make some more trips out here . I've Googled it .
Speaker 1I know what the age of consent is in Virginia .
Speaker 2That's weird . For the record , that's weird .
Speaker 1What 14 or 16 ?
Speaker 2I'm saying 16 . I just want my employers to know . It's weird .
Speaker 1It is weird , I yeah , I mean .
Speaker 3I'm going to go on the record saying I'm with the Sharia law rules here . I'm going to go on the record and say I should be younger .
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying . When it's Sharia law , it's half 22 and a half . No , I mean , if you've talked to a 22-year-old in the last five years , I mean they are mentally it's like talking . Everybody talks about having a golden retriever boyfriend . I mean that's because girls are golden retrievers . Every 22-year-old girl is an actual golden retriever .
Speaker 3I just want to adventure . I'm in my chaos era , golden retriever . I just want to adventure . I'm in my chaos era . When men have a chaos era , we send fertilizer to a federal building .
Speaker 1When women have their chaos era , they just get STD , they just have HPV .
Speaker 3If I said I was in my chaos era , people would leave the room . People would go home . Somebody just has anal herpes . I was in my chaos era . People would leave the room people would go home .
Speaker 1Somebody just has anal herpes . I'm in my chaos era uh shit , uh , no , that , yeah , that is , I mean every woman . Well , I don't know , there's some women who are in there . There's some women in their chaos era who drowned their three kids in a tub , so like there is a little bit .
Speaker 3They're like I need to keep exploring my body . I can't have these children tying me down .
Speaker 1Yeah , I mean there is no group of people that is more susceptible to mass marketing than I mean . Joe , you do marketing . I mean , is there any group easier to trick than women ?
Speaker 2Yeah , well , I mean , we'll get political if we do that , but that's why , like there's a certain movement that's more successful , they got the best branding . You're talking about the dnc yeah , I mean yeah , yeah , yeah , it's brilliant you don't have to hold back on this podcast .
Speaker 1We I know this podcast we have constantly said over and over again on this podcast that the dnc just markets to women it's well , that is their entire message is make girls feel
Gender and Political Ideologies
Speaker 1good .
Speaker 3I want to talk about Tim Walls . Everyone's being like he's America's dad . It's like , first off , he's not America's dad because he's a Democrat .
Speaker 1Everyone knows if you have a good dad , he's Republican .
Speaker 3Yeah , let's get that out of the way .
Speaker 1I've been trying to convince my lady for a long time now that , like , women are supposed to be Democrat and men are supposed to be , I honestly my entire life . I thought that was the breakdown . It's like every woman's like a little bit more liberal until they go through menopause and then they're Republican , but like before that , every woman's liberal and every guy . You can't be not conservative as a guy . That's gross .
Speaker 3I think it definitely goes there . Conservative as a guy , that's gross . I think it . It definitely goes there like that's where dude the second , your 13 year old daughter , listens to charlie xcx and is like sluts the vibe . You're like dude , we are going back to church and then that's then .
Speaker 1That's when the mom , that's when , like the electra , that's when the sigmund freud , like electra theory kicks in , when the mom starts seeing the daughter as sexual competition , that's when the mom switches over to being conservative . Yeah , you know , when the daughter starts like getting a little bit more attention around the neighborhood , all of a sudden the mom's like we need to , fucking , we need to .
Speaker 3Put on a sweater , get a sweater on right now .
Speaker 1We need to protect our borders and we need to hide those nipples . Those are two things we're going to have to do in this house .
Speaker 3Yeah , yeah , I mean , conversely to that . It also is crazy when you meet I mean , I part of it's living in a city , but when you meet a young conservative lady who's gung ho on conservatism , you're like this is crazy .
Speaker 1Yo , what's it like dating a conservative woman ? I think you're the only one in this group who's stating a conservative .
Speaker 2Oh , I mean , it's just you gotta it's . Honestly , it's the same as , like the other side , you have to have the right opinions . I just happen to have them .
Speaker 1Right , that makes it easy , is it ? Do you feel like , what do you guys fight about if it's not about politics ?
Speaker 2Actually , early on . I tried to be . I tried to be the like , like , I think , our . I've seen other comics do this thing where they're like oh , I'm not on either side , I'm just stepping out of it and she's like , no , you're not . And then we were fighting about that and I was like , all right , fine , fine , all right yeah , okay , so that's good to know , because I genuinely well .
Speaker 1No , because you're a lady from the same area that my lady's from . I believe that the Northeastern vibe , every woman from the Northeast it , still has this Puritan ethos when intention is so important .
Speaker 1They don't need you to just say the thing that they believe . They want to reach into your brain and scoop out every opinion that you have and all of the stuff that you think , and then insert themselves . They want to pour their brain into your brain so that you not only , not only do you Say the things they want you to say , they want you to believe the things that they say , which , like not even chairman Mao was that you know , what I mean like I mean it's Stalin didn't even go to the gulags in Siberia and go .
Speaker 1You know guys , good job building the railway , but could we whistle while we work ? I mean , can we ?
Speaker 2can we be in a little bit better mood ? I mean , you guys get to build the railway , yeah , no , there whistle while we work . I mean , can we get a little bit ?
Speaker 1better mood . I mean , you guys get to build the railway , yeah
Philosophical Discussions on God and Faith
Speaker 1no , there is that .
Speaker 2Is that's really the the trigger of a lot of arguments with people , uh , in relations . I think it's just like but do you want to do it ? Do you actually want this ?
Speaker 1of course , of course , I don't want to do it I'm doing it because I love you . Is that not enough ?
Speaker 2trying to keep this family together .
Speaker 1That would be as if God , like even God doesn't ask that of us . Even God doesn't ask that we . I think that actually is . That might be because we're all Catholic , but I think that actually is how the Protestants which , I'm sorry , the heretics think is that they have that ?
Speaker 1what do they call that ? That flame that burns away all of like the evil thoughts . They have , like this idea of the flame that burns the evil thoughts away , and so , in their mind , they truly believe that man is perfectible . And so , therefore , it's not just that you do the right action , it's that you have to also think the right thoughts .
Speaker 3I have a friend who is a Calvinist Legitimately into predestination and just arguing with him about it , where it's literally just circular logic , just being like well it was an argument that was made .
Speaker 1We figured this out at the council of Nicaea 1 .
Speaker 3It was like a 500 AD argument this is like a 2000 BC argument a .
Speaker 1French autistic guy started rehashing Like only a Frenchman could come up with something so stupid as Protestantism .
Speaker 1No , I'm perfect it's like the argument is well , if God knows everything , then no choices matter . And it's like okay , but if he's also all powerful , then that means that he could make a choice that even he would not understand . And then they go oh , but he would , because he's so all-knowing he would still know that he was . It's like the immovable object , yeah , uh , unstoppable force thing . And then catholics just like look at it . It's like why are you trying to figure out god ?
Speaker 3who do ?
Speaker 1you think you are like you . You can logic your way with god . Yeah , you've got this figured out .
Speaker 3It's also the free will thing being like he's all-knowing , he knows everything happened . In theory , a guy who's all-knowing could just go like oh , you guys have free will , fucking cook , because if he's all-powerful , then he could give you his free will .
Speaker 1Yeah , and they're like but he's all-knowing . He can't be all-knowing and all-powerful . It's like , well , what if he's not either one of us ? You just made that assumption starting . But you're like oh , but he's the absolute . It is when you get into like theocratic philosophy and you start arguing like those points , you've lost the plot . One hundred percent . Anytime you're trying to argue about the nature of God , you're done dude . All you can do is talk about what men can be like , the nature of human beings .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1And your relationship to God is just to serve . It's not to understand we are , but to do or die . We are not to wonder why Like I mean every , every good Catholic comes up with like that's why Protestants can't create good art is because they're too fucking stuck in the details . Only GK Chesterton can write something beautiful Like ours is not to wonder why ours is , but to do or die . It's good .
Speaker 3Yeah , if you talk to the people who are the most like devout in their faith , if you talk to someone who's like is devout but doesn't really understand it , they'll be like I know , all of this is like the way God works and God has a plan . If you talk to someone who's like really studied , they're like yeah , dude , I have no fucking clue what's going on right now dude , that's like , uh , it's like that .
Speaker 1You ever seen that john madden talking to bill belichick ? No , there's like an interview where john madden's talking to bill belichick and then john madden's narrating over it like for his documentary , like 30 years later , and he's like you ever think you really know something and then you talk to somebody who really knows it and you just go .
Speaker 3I don't know a fucking thing .
Speaker 1it's like yeah , that's how you should be about any hard subject is there's always stuff to learn , joe , while you're searching stuff , google of GK Chesterton was Catholic . I'm pretty sure he was .
Speaker 3The Boston Breeze Church . Don't do that , I'm probably going to cut that out of the podcast because , genuinely , milo got fucking absolutely .
Speaker 1I mean he was saying some other stuff , but like he did get canceled for that and I mean we live in a different world . But I do just want to say that if you're 16 and you let it happen , you deserve it . This is a comedy podcast , of course , not Catholic . Yep , I took a whole course . He converted , of course , of course all the great ones , you're not going to write anything good as a Protestant ?
Speaker 1Okay , the only thing you can do as a Protestant is write good non-fiction , because you're good at fucking following gay little rules . That's what Protestants are good at . Catholics , you need a little fucking mystery in your life .
Speaker 3We need to bring back Christian mysticism .
Speaker 1Catholicism is Christian mysticism 100% . I used to have a guy who would uh , it was like a monk who would talk about like Catholicism . He was teaching this course , uh , on the book of Job , and he did , we would take an entire semester just on the book of Job , about , like how the entire point of like point of the story is that Job finally gets to God . And he's like , why'd you do this ? And God's like's like , oh , I'm sorry , were you here when I created the mountains ?
Speaker 1oh no , I remember you be . Oh no , that's right , you weren't here for that . You were here for when I created the seas . Oh , you weren't there for that . What about when I made the sun ? Were you there for ? Okay , then shut the fuck up , shut your fucking mouth . Okay , you don't ask me questions . I ask you questions , and it was like . That's the nature , that's your relationship with god . Do not question god , do not try to reason . It's insane . It's like trying to reason . You would never expect a dog , you would never expect a rock to reason the same way a human being would . So why would you expect to reason with god the way that you interact with a rock ? You know that's god's view of us .
Speaker 1Like we're a rock , so like we can't like go to him and be like , hey dad , why'd you do this ?
Speaker 3yeah , and that's freeing in a sense , and that's how I think we need to convince all the ladies to get on board just being like listen , you need to be in your god brat era . Yeah , especially like the aesthetic .
Speaker 1When you really show them that they get to wear lace , I think they might be really yeah , they might be really all all of those videos that actually would be really funny is like all of those videos where , like , girls are like I get to totally , just , totally just brat out when I'm with my husband . We're in the airport , I'm not thinking about nothing , you know , and they're just like walking around like , and the husband's like where's the exit ? Where's the exit ? Do that exact same video , but it's with god . God's like no , I've got this under control . Yeah , that is how we , that is how we propagandize the women and also the catholic church dude .
Speaker 3They , they love aesthetics more than women do . They dominate
History of the Church and Gay Culture
Speaker 3us .
Speaker 1It was a church built by gay men . Like I don't understand what . Everyone is confused everyone every priest , like everyone's , like you have to have gay marriage in the catholic church . It's like , yeah , it's called a priest , they marry jesus and you have to have gay marriage .
Speaker 3in the Catholic church it's like , yeah , it's called a priest , they marry .
Speaker 1Jesus , and when they get to heaven they get to suck Jesus off , that is their earthly reward , that is their heavenly reward for being good on earth , is they give up pussy , which they didn't want anyways . They probably they mostly jerk each other off .
Speaker 3And then they get to heaven and they get to get pounded by the beautiful just being being so pissed , being a peasant living in a thatched roof hut with like leaky wooden stone walls , and then a priest just comes in . He's like I want gold . Everywhere light a candle .
Speaker 1It smells bad we need to raise taxes , hello .
Speaker 3My grandfather was a priest . Get that robe away from me . I need cloths .
Speaker 1Are you guys seriously dressed in burlap ? I ?
Speaker 2thought we were doing . I'm in my satin era .
Speaker 1We're going to have to build a road to China and we're going to have to get some satin . My grandfather joined the priesthood , my grandfather was a priest and my grandmother was a priest and my my grandmother was a ? Uh was an altar boy . My grandfather left the priesthood because , uh , and when I was a kid I was like , why'd you leave the priesthood ?
Speaker 1and it was like it was the only conversation I had with him in person . I met him like once . He was the . He was like a station chief of the cia really jordan .
Speaker 3Yeah , that's what he said dude .
Speaker 1He was just like literally all over the world all the time in just like conflict regions . And I met him one time and we had this talk and he was like he's like , yeah , I was gonna be a priest . And I was like , why'd you leave the priesthood ? And he was like , well , I got there and I found out they were all closeted homosexuals . And I was like , so you joined the Navy ? That was my first joke that I ever made as a child . You , like left the priesthood to become the Navy . I was like that's a lateral move .
Speaker 3Priests are either gay dudes or guys who are a little bit autistic .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 3And love rules , and you can tell which one is which when you talk to them and that's why you get like .
Speaker 1You get the nerds who are like really think about what sort of where we're going to head ideology-wise . That's when you see the white smoke coming out .
Speaker 3That's where you get your rad singers .
Speaker 1And then you get your Pope Francis . You get your Pope Francis and he's just like everyone can do anything .
Speaker 3Somebody come in my face , yeah .
Speaker 1Pope Francis is fucking gay .
Speaker 2I will say , though he's just riffing in , I think , spanish or Portuguese and then they translate it for us and that's where our media is like he's gay and it's like he didn't say that , no , he's just Hispanic .
Speaker 1If you don't understand Spanish especially , isn't he ?
Speaker 2Argentine , yeah , argentina .
Speaker 1Every Argentine sounds gay dude . You mixed up Germans and the fucking Incans . When you mix up the Germans and the Incans , I mean you're going to get some gay people . It's just like I mean they have no idea . You got a German guy trying to pronounce what's the thing on the hill ?
Speaker 3I was going to say Montezuma Machu Picchu .
Speaker 1Is that Machu Picchu ? I mean you're telling me that doesn't sound like a gay guy . I used to go to some Machu Picchus .
Speaker 2Every German sounds gay .
Speaker 1If you put a Hispanic accent on a German accent , I mean you got the queerest man on the planet right there .
Speaker 2It is a tough gig because every story about him , depending on the leanings of the outlet , it's either the Pope's , gay , or the Pope's gay .
Speaker 1That's it . Yeah , yeah , but didn't he have to like , come out and be like ? I actually hate gay people .
Speaker 2Well , no , that was his reputation in Argentina . It was . He was like the biggest hater of gay marriage . And then he gets to the top and like , no , you're actually gay .
Speaker 3It's the same thing that happened to Obama there must be .
Speaker 1There must be something . When you get to the final position of authority where they like , where they like take you down into like a secret vault and like you're like , sitting there , you're headed down into the vault and you're like I'm finally gonna find out about ufos . And then they take you in and they're like he's like , so is ufos real .
Speaker 1And they're like not only are they real , but the aliens are all gay you have to be pro gay marriage because the aliens are all sucking and fucking each other . They actually don't even have genders .
Speaker 3No matter how high up you get in life , there's just going to be some dude in the background being like he's gay it doesn't matter if you're the pope or the president .
Speaker 1What else are the peasants supposed to have ?
Speaker 3Joe , did you guys have any priests in the family growing up ?
Speaker 1Joe , did you have a gay uncle ?
Speaker 2My gay uncle died in 96 , so he didn't make it to the priesthood . Oh my bad dude . No , no , no .
Speaker 1That's just a good classic guess right there . No , it's an easy guess in the 90s . That's my thing .
Speaker 2You see these like no , I won't . People throw in the F-slur around that aren't gay men , but they call themselves that .
Speaker 1I'm like he died for that word and you're over here , you've got to be allowed to use it .
Speaker 2You guys are dancing on his grave .
Speaker 1Not being allowed to use that word anymore is disrespect to my gay uncle who had unprospected sex with hundreds of men and got a disease that ate his cells from the inside out .
Speaker 2I'm taking a knee for that pride flag . I'm taking a knee for that .
Speaker 1I was thinking of something earlier called pride and prejudice , and it's just like a gay guy and a red neck to both hate muslims . That's just a future podcast for you pride and prejudice , just like a gay and a redneck . They're like the fucking pride parade's happening and there's just like a uh , a westboro baptist church guy heckling the pride parade . And then the pride parade runs into like the fucking free palestine parade and the gays are like you're fucking terrible , get out of here . And then the fucking redneck's like you hate them too .
Speaker 2And then they kiss .
Speaker 1So that's a good short clip . Someone can probably fucking steal from me .
Speaker 2Go ahead . Well , you've got to make that . Yeah , you've got to still film that .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3Anybody .
Speaker 1I'm good , thank you . I'm a guest of the song . I'm a guest of the song .
Speaker 3Do it one more time .
Speaker 1Are you kidding me , you ?
Speaker 3can't get that on the first rip .
Speaker 1Oh , piano man , I can't do that part .
Speaker 3There's one sad guy in Piano man . They say Paul is a real estate novelist who never had time for white . It's like , yeah , who wants to fuck a guy who writes novels about real estate . Of course he's a sad dude to bar . He's writing one of the worst genres of literature I could possibly imagine curating .
Speaker 1Do you know that novelist ? He's saying novice , he's saying he's somebody who's new to .
Speaker 3I think he's saying novelist .
Speaker 1I'm looking oh fuck Dude , I swear that's what I'm saying .
Speaker 3I looked it up because I was like there's no way . Oh , there's a real estate novelist . Yeah , I'm looking at the piano man there who never had time for a wife .
Speaker 1That's just a gay guy dude . Only a gay guy would be writing about fucking real estate novels . Let's see Not even writing real estate nonfiction , he's writing real estate novels . That's a good one . To Google Joe , get on that , google . We can't have both of you Googling . It'll ruin the podcast .
Speaker 3I think the podcast should just be me and Joe Googling . Yeah he's a real estate novelist .
Speaker 1Okay , look up all the different definitions of a novelist .
Speaker 2Because there's no way . It's just a guy writing about real estate .
Speaker 3A novelist According to Merriam-Webster's Dictionary , someone who writes novels .
Speaker 1Paul was a gay guy who liked writing books . He never wanted a wife . This is funny I came to the bar to suck his cock .
Speaker 3And now I'm gay for life .
Speaker 1We got there , boys . This has been one of the most heavily homosexualized podcasts that I think we've ever done .
Speaker 3When you get three Catholics in a room , that's where it goes .
Speaker 2Maybe it just converts you when you get a group of men together .
Speaker 1I'll say this Doing jiu-jitsu . I don't know how more people don't talk about that . If you get enough men in a room , everyone's just gay . Like it just turns into gay humor so quickly .
Speaker 3Sports locker rooms . I remember on the lacrosse team there would be like this is honestly crazy . Now that I'm thinking about it more I'll say this there's , there's this one kid who , whenever the the freshman got in , he would literally go up to them naked and swing his dick around to make them uncomfortable . Yeah , to like every new freshman on the , I've said this many times and I stand by this .
Speaker 1That is the problem with a sport like lacrosse , when you have just a room full of white guys together there is no .
Speaker 1There's no checks and balances you need racial checks and balances racial checks and balances are the only thing that keeps this country going dude , because when you have something like lacrosse and you have just like a bunch of white dudes in a locker room , you will all get gay , but then , like a sport like football , you would have a like enough black guys to be like . Like what the fuck are you guys doing to like none of that ever happened yeah , you keep that in check .
Speaker 3Football locker rooms is like the union town halls where it's a bunch of people from different directions . Yeah , and lacrosse is just a bunch of wall street guys at the harvard club test plotting which becomes gay so fast , exactly just doing freak things yeah , but I'll say this and my , my black brethren don't want to hear this .
Speaker 1Okay , but if you go all the other way , if you go in all black locker room , it will become . If we know anything from black fraternities , there will be gay stuff in that environment yes there will be down low brothers , okay . So I think it's time that we admit as a nation . The only thing that's keeping us all straight is the dynamic tension between black and white , because neither one wants to look gay in front of each other exactly , and that keeps us .
Speaker 3That keeps us together .
Speaker 2That's what keeps us in check I was saying that's what's distracting us from truly being gay they want to keep those divisions . So we don't all get together and just start piping like maybe that is the government's plan .
Speaker 1Maybe the government has noticed that we have corrupted the black youth and now they're becoming like . Once they saw goth and anime , black kids start to pop up . They were like we need to bring in another race because we're gonna have all gays in this country in no time . So in order to combat the entire gay population , they had to bring in good , strong hispanic conservatives yeah , what ?
Speaker 3for a long time there's been the white trope of like the the church going parents and then like the goth or like artsy kid and then I . I do want to see what that is starting to look like in black households , if it's like a hardcore religious , you know , going to church every sunday and then your kid is wearing naruto headbands that is absolutely .
Speaker 1That is absolutely an algorithm you can find on TikTok , because I found it . I've spent a lot of time there dude , there's an entire generation , I know fucking Chappelle Lacey . Uh , the comedian , I mean , he is like a black nerd you know yeah and that is a very , that is a . That's a tough , that's a tough line to walk . You know when , when the black kids start being like I miss you , fuck , I was trying to where are you ?
Speaker 3that's what I was and I . The song is damn it , that's gonna bug you I might cut that out I love blink . I might cut that out .
Speaker 1I might cut that entire piece out , because you guys did not laugh when I said racial checks and balances are the only thing that's keeping us from .
Speaker 3Well , it's because it wasn't funny . It was true .
Speaker 1Yo , that shit wasn't even funny . You know what ?
Speaker 3they need to do . Fucking the president , whoever it is , just needs to come out and play . Remember the Titans once a year and go come on guys .
Speaker 1Come on , come on , guys . And then people go , what about other cultures ? And we go , shh Remember when it was just us ? No , but I feel like , because we heavily recruited out of the Miami area so we got a lot of Cubans coming up and playing some ball and they're a good time . They fit right in . They're their own thing for sure . Our Hispanic brethren are our own thing . I think Florida's the only place that has a Hispanic population that can play football , which is pretty tight .
Speaker 3Shout out Aaron Hernandez .
Speaker 1That's a beautiful piece of culture right there is that Florida loves football so much that even the new group that should probably love soccer was like no , this is tight .
Speaker 3Yeah , dude , they got them to give up baseball . True , they did . I guess the Cubans didn't really ever have soccer like no , this is tight .
Speaker 1Yeah , dude , they got him to give up baseball . True they did ?
Speaker 3They got him to give us the Cubans didn't really ever have soccer . No , they're , they're a baseball people .
Speaker 1That is Hernandez . You were telling me some horrific things about Aaron Hernandez . Do you want to get into that ? Do you want to get ?
Speaker 3here's the thing I I watched the documentary a couple years ago , when it came to SBN . Uh no , I think Hulu did the documentary about it and when that was coming up it was the okay . So obviously everyone knows Aaron Hernandez killed a guy . On the documentary they talk about how he kind of blames it a little bit on his dad being gay and also that he I can't remember if this is in the documentary as well . I think it is , but if not , this is this is pretty well , is he alive ?
Speaker 1when they made it ? No , I think he was . How did he blame ? Oh , that was part of like court testimony .
Speaker 3No , they , jail phone calls or prison phone calls okay ,
Scandal
Speaker 3um . And then , once it got more like on twitter and reddit , a bunch of people were saying he might have also killed , like people when he was at gainesville and urban meyer knew about it , which , hey , respect . Dude , that was a great team . You got to win your chips , you got to listen .
Speaker 1When you get a squad like that dude , you got to get at least two rings .
Speaker 3Yeah exactly when you have guys who are willing to kill , literally willing to kill .
Speaker 1I mean , they've talked about this guy's the limit but that Florida team is the funniest team ever , dude . When you've got that group of people is just incredible dude . You've got aaron hernandez on one side , the pouncey brothers yeah , the pouncey brothers and then fucking tim tebow . Just have like a strong christian quarterback crying in interviews constantly like every time they lose .
Speaker 1Just be like I will seriously never allow us to fucking lose again . Dude , I will fucking go insane because I am so fucking mad because every time we lose , I'm reminded in the back of my head that I'm actually gay and I do not want to come out that way . So I'm going to fucking go out there and work so fucking hard , dude . I'm going to fucking squat so much goddamn weight and he's literally like . No one will ever work as hard as I work .
Speaker 3Do you think he does that after he comes too quick too In the bedroom ?
Speaker 1I genuinely don't think he's ever come with his wife Apparently , genuinely don't think he's ever come with his wife .
Speaker 3Apparently he was getting some head in Gainesville , wasn't having sex , but he was getting topped off pretty heavy , damn dude .
Speaker 1That is a tough thing is ? There is a certain sect of southern christian Lindsay that I would call the . I would call the Lindsay Graham effect , where Lindsay Graham sounds as gay as it gets .
Speaker 3Lady G . Is that what they call them in the Washington circles ? That's what . That's what like dc prostitutes refer to them as , as lady g is a male prostitute were you the one that was telling me that lady that lindsey graham is .
Speaker 1Somebody told me about how lindsey graham is like well known in dc circles to be just fucking dudes yeah , I here's the thing .
Speaker 3I don't think I told you that , but it's pretty well documented okay and that's hilarious .
Speaker 1He goes up every day and he's just like my wife , Nancy , and I . We just love the Israeli people so much . We are devastated that we have cut down our funding from $50 billion to $32 billion . That is just not acceptable for our Jewish brethren . I went over there to Palestine and I looked around and I said this is just absolute devastation . This is devastation that I'm here and I said I mean this is just absolute devastation . This is devastation that I'm here and I don't get to suck off any of these little Muslim boys . They said that they do not want to be sucked off by Senator Lindsey Graham . So I went home to Boeing and I told him build a factory tax credit .
Speaker 1Let's build a factory , because we have to stop this madness I did that a few weeks ago on the podcast and , uh , now other people are also doing senator lindsey graham on their podcast . So I just want everyone to know just fucking keep an eye out for what's happening for senator lindsey graham . Yeah , for senator lindsey graham just know that it started have a nice day , so okay , so keep going the oh , aaron hernandez .
Speaker 3Yeah , so , okay , so keep going . Oh , aaron Hernandez .
Speaker 1Yeah , so Senator Lindsey Graham was a real estate novelist who never had sex with his wife . All right , keep going . Aaron Hernandez .
Speaker 3No , I mean I didn't have much other than so . People allege that he could have done up to like seven murders in the Connecticut area because the guy he killed , or like the groups he was running with in Connecticut , because he's from Connecticut , there were like some people randomly being murdered in those areas and some people think he may have been a legitimate serial killer .
Speaker 1Oh , it wasn't like just gang- , like just gang related , I think they were .
Speaker 3So here's the thing I think they were like gang affiliated individuals , but there wasn't any type of motive from like a like a drug deal or money or anything like that . That . He was just kind of like capping dudes he was capping mother watch people die , yeah and that's what you want in a tight end . Actually , he was a little flashy .
Speaker 1He was more of a receiving tight end I was going to say dude , I don't know Aaron .
Speaker 3Hernandez pussy . You heard it here first , Aaron Hernandez was kind of soft .
Speaker 1from what I remember , dude , he wasn't getting down in the trenches like George Kittle .
Speaker 3Exactly , dude , when they were lining up .
Speaker 1He was taking out too much of his aggression off the field . I would have liked to see him take some of that aggression off the field . That is how you know . He's soft though , dude , because you're on a field with a lot of mean people . So if you want to fucking get in there and get after it , test that aggression out , that's the place to do it . Instead , he went and like didn't he shoot like an autistic guy , didn't he ?
Speaker 1autistic guy didn't he like ? He like took a guy out to like a gravel pit . I remember the guy that he shot was like I'm pretty sure it was special needs , like I'm not even joking like I'm pretty sure he shot like a special needs person really I didn't know that .
Speaker 3I thought the guy was gang affiliated . I need to re-watch the documentary .
Speaker 1I think a gang affiliate , like his cousin , was in a gang and he was like , okay , I don't know , he was wearing a helmet when they shot him . That's all I remember from the fucking so that could have either been special needs or that could have been some sort of weird role play that aaron hernandez bill belichick , pulling aaron hernandez into his office and being like now , aaron , uh , here's the thing you can .
Speaker 3You can kill anyone you want . That's fine , but you should do it in the off season .
Speaker 1We need you conserving that energy for sundays here's the thing I don't really give a fuck about all this killing people off the field shit . Okay , if urban meyer doesn't have a problem with it , well then , by god damn it , I'm not gonna have a fucking problem with it . But you've been drafted to the new england fucking patriot . This isn't fucking foxborough high school anymore , okay . So when you go out there , I'm gonna need you to run this route at seven yards . If you run this shit out at six , I'm gonna treat you like otis lloyd or whatever the fuck that gay guy is that you murdered . I'm gonna personally have julian edelman shoot you in the back of the head . Okay , this route has to happen at seven , not six and a half .
Speaker 1Bill belichick of all of bill belichick's probably the funniest attempt of mass media to push a guy onto us as like a sports broadcaster that I've ever seen that they're trying to take time like this . This , this is . This is the problem with propaganda . All right Is , propaganda is everywhere and this it's fun to see it in sports because it's much more obvious , but the propaganda of Bill Belichick and Tom Brady being normal people that should be allowed to talk to us is ridiculous . Okay , dude , peyton Manning naturally charming , yeah , they don us is ridiculous . Okay , dude , peyton Manning , naturally charming .
Speaker 1Yes , they don't have to do 100% they do not push Peyton Manning on us at all . You don't even know where their Monday night Manning cast is .
Speaker 3Sometimes they're like we're taking three weeks off . Yeah .
Speaker 1You have no idea where the Monday night Manning cast is . They don't even fucking advertise it and still people want to watch it . Bill Belichick and fucking Tom Brady are being shoved down our throat and collectively America's , like please stop , Please stop with Bill fucking Belichick . Well , the problem is with Tom Brady .
Speaker 3He's trying to be a personality and be cool .
Speaker 1The problem with Tom Brady is he's trying to have a personality and we all know that he does not have a personality . He is a fucking genuine psychopath . There is nothing in there . His wife was like I'm gonna literally leave you if you do not stop playing football . And he was like fucking , pack your bags , bitch . I'm going nine and eight , I'm getting out there and I'm going nine and eight and I'm gonna lose to the cowboys in the fucking playoffs . All right , did they lose to the cowboys ? They beat the cow probably .
Speaker 3I think they did lose to the cowboys actually that year , yeah , yeah I know fucking locked it in there .
Speaker 1Now I uh that roast of them though that was .
Speaker 3I think that's what turned the culture around on tom brady yeah , in terms of making him cool or saying the word gay and retard a lot .
Speaker 1Yeah , I think saying gay and retard enough times . On netflix they brought they brought football into the mainstream and they were like these are going to be normal people and a bunch of people with head trauma were like tom brady's fucking gay dude . I sucked his cock every night . Anyways , dude , I'm retarded . I'll see you later and all of america was watching like , and we were like we're back , dude , it's over , it's over tom brady roast was good .
Speaker 3Who do you watch any of the comedy central roast , any of the old ones ?
Speaker 1um , after that one I went back and did like a little bit of a deep dive . I'm trying to like I was .
Speaker 3Just I used to love those when I was a kid . I don't know if I can remember like any jokes from them now I do remember those are things you're not supposed to remember .
Speaker 1They're like dreams . Yeah , you remember how they made you feel , but that's about it .
Speaker 3Yeah , dude Fucking . What else should we talk about ? Welcome to Podcasting 101 , bitches .
Speaker 1We'll get out of here on this because we're at an hour . But we were talking about fucking what's happening . You guys want to talk about what's happening in the UK and Tommy Robinson .
Speaker 3I don't know about Tommy Robinson . Here's the thing , tommy .
Speaker 1Robinson is the leader of the EDL .
Speaker 3Okay , edl .
Speaker 1I don't know what it's called ADL Anti-Defamation League .
Speaker 3I think it's the English Defense League .
Speaker 1Okay .
Religious History and Cultural Misconceptions
Speaker 3Or it might be the english defamation league , because those boys are saying some wild shit out there , dude . So the thing that they're saying is happening .
Speaker 1They're putting them in jail for , like , talking about migrants , right yeah , and they're saying that the migrants ever since like the 90s , have started like heroin dens , basically , where they groom like 15 year old english girls to be a part of . Like the harem of the one particular group of people are muhammadians are muhammadian brethren are are taking lots of english white girls and fucking you know they're saying let's , let's get you a little bit on some heroin okay , and then from there you can be a part of my harem .
Speaker 1And so basically , yeah , the fucking tommy robinson's like no , we're not doing that anymore . And then a somali guy who was not muslim I'm pretty sure was christian and didn't he kill like two kids ? Yeah , he went in there and stabbed like three kids and the english were like fuck that dude , we're burning every mosque . And the smile like it was like I'm fucking anglic . And they were like we don't care .
Speaker 3This is all we needed .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 1But I mean pretty fucking wild .
Speaker 3Do they ? Why do they have any problems over there ? They're fucking driving around in buses with two stories eating biscuits . Fucking dude , why are you complaining about anything ?
Speaker 1Well , that's the thing is , when you get over there , you think it's a rich country dude , it's not , it's one rich city surrounded by a really poor country . The entire time I was there I was like these are all rednecks like everyone is red like . Ireland doesn't even have the rich city , it's just rednecks like straight across the entire country , which is fucking kind of sick because they're like smart rednecks , which is a tight group of people to be , um , but yeah , I mean , they have like nothing to brag about at this point .
Speaker 1They're like we have , we have free health care over here . You don't even have free health care . It's like , yeah , you guys have british medical problems why are they ?
Speaker 3why are they mad about the young girls , hasn't their ? Are they mad because their whole thing for like isn't molesting boys in private schools ? They're like listen , we have an English way of doing things .
Speaker 1You guys are not adapting to the culture . You're not allowed to have sex with the young women you have to have sex with the young boys . That's the only way you get the accent .
Speaker 3They need to go the accent .
Speaker 1Everyone actually talks like Americans , until they get molested and then they get a little bit of a lisp .
Speaker 3So we're gonna lose our super sweet accent if you guys don't continue to molest the young boys over there .
Speaker 1Listen , we're gonna get you guys teaching theater at eaton for a couple semesters and you'll realize the boys are where it's at , yeah no , I think , like I think that's what the muhammadians are fighting against . Is that they just they know that a couple generations in , they're starting to see their sons be attracted to english sons and they're like that's it , dude , we've got it , we've got to break them yeah , and I don't know much about the muhammadians but I'm going to guess guys who are named muhammadians aren't crazy about that .
Speaker 3Just on , on name association alone .
Speaker 1Well , muhammadians I I've decided I'm gonna go back to the 1850s way that we named every religion , creed and ethnicity , just so I can no longer get in trouble about it like so they're not actually called muhammadians they were in like 1768 really okay we would call them muhammadians in the fucking like 1700s . So I'm going back to that .
Speaker 3I didn't know that was a thing .
Speaker 1And I'm also calling it Hindu land from now on or Hindustan yeah .
Speaker 1Hindustan . That was dude . That blew my fucking mind when I found out that my entire life this is how good propaganda is from one side of the is that they have been saying that christopher columbus fucking called them indians because he thought he was in india . And I just read one little piece that just fucking sent me down a rabbit hole . When he got in that boat there was no country named india . There was no such thing as indian people . Yeah , he did not think he was in india . They are called Indians because they were . He said they were indios , a people in God , because he thought he had found the Garden of Eden , because they were all living the way that God lived . And then he saw them start to eat each other and cut each other's heads off and he was like alright , we gotta knock this off . I'm sorry that I thought that these guys live in God . They're clearly living in Satan , but that's where Indian comes from .
Speaker 3Did you also ? I think I saw the same video as you . Is it George Carlin talking ? That's so funny that that's where we got our- .
Speaker 1It might have been George Carlin okay , but that doesn't mean he's not fucking right , okay . And so I went and did a lot of research and that turns out to be true . Because that is the one thing that bugs me and this is what we'll wrap up on is the idea of like it's every fucking like it's such a like atheist , liberal take is to think that you're smarter than the past , you know , is like to be like , oh , like we're fucking , like we literally know so much more .
Speaker 1Like they were so stupid , like they would do a dance to make like the rain come down and they like literally thought god was like coming in their fertile soil , like so , like that's why they would do the dance and like have sex and like worship , uh , fucking like fertility god , and it's like . So you're telling me that you think like if we got into a time machine and we showed up and we talked to like historical farmers from like 1000 ad or maybe even go 1000 BC .
Speaker 1You think they thought God was coming on them . You think that's what they thought rain was
Satirical Discussion on Historical Navigation
Speaker 1. A group of people that were smart enough to navigate by the stars and divert entire rivers to fucking fertilize an entire like region like , build like giant tidal basins to fertilize and feed entire cultures with no heavy machinery . I mean , these guys are digging fucking drainage ditches and building aqueducts and fucking navigating across the ocean . Just christopher columbus alone got into a wooden boat and navigated the atlantic ocean , which you've never done with fucking stars . And you think he didn't . He thought the world was flat , you think he thought you think he hadn't done the math on how to get to the fucking other side . You think he thought he lived in fucking china a guy who had been to china , by the way gone the other way you've been to try .
Speaker 1You think he thought he was in china , a country he had been . You've never sailed to china , shut the fuck up you have no idea what christopher columbus thought you were a fucking moron . Okay , he did not think he was in fucking india . He knew exactly where he was .
Speaker 3It's fucking incredible how stupid we think we like other people were , and how dumb we are you know , and the those people also put in , uh , they use google maps to get from their driveway to their garage some barista being like god's not even real .
Speaker 1You figured out the question we've all been asked . So what you're gonna pray ?
Speaker 3you're gonna , you're gonna , you're gonna pray and be silly . Well , I'm gonna burn peppermint leaves in hopes that kamala will get elected . That my bipolar disorder will go away I have bad spirits .
Speaker 1There's like been really bad energy in my household lately because I've been cutting myself again and that's when I know that I have bad spirits in my house . It's like , okay , that sounds like demon possession .
Speaker 3But okay , and just to end this podcast on a good note , all of everything we've said today , just to say Kamala 2024 .
Speaker 1I just want to make that address to the camera Very clear . We are all voting for Kamala Harris .
Speaker 3Okay .
Speaker 1And this was a satire podcast .
Speaker 3We were kidding about it . Actually , we got paid by the DNC .
Speaker 1We worked for the DNC . We didn't mean any of this . So thank you guys , so much .
Speaker 3All righty .
Speaker 1Black helicopters .
Speaker 3Thanks ,